We can only ever truly view the world from our own perspective. Obviously we can empathise with others but only really understand our own experience.

I think a lot of my thought process about sex being a bigger deal than playing around was it felt so submissive. Like the physical act of a dick entering my pussy is by definition submission, a man has literally entered my body for pleasure, I’ve given him my body in it’s entirety.

Obviously having a dick in my mouth or when guys had fingered me there was penetration but it just didn’t feel psychologically the same.

I think that led me to consider respect. I was going with guys and playing around enjoying each other’s bodies and sexuality but I always felt like I could have been anyone, they were just happy to be getting their dicks sucked or to feel up my boobs, they could have been anyone’s boobs they’re weren’t special because they were mine and I wanted that first time fully with a guy to be special. I wanted it to be me he was having sex with not just random pussy #382.

I liked playing with boys, I liked them touching my body and I loved pleasuring them with my mouth but I wanted the next level to be something more than playing around.