I’m a wife whose husband feels this way and let me just say, for a lot of heterosexual women (especially millennials; the 90’s were rough for girls) it is very VERY hard to internalize this message, no matter how often we hear it.
But I’m trying! And it makes me so happy that he loves my body, so I don’t get tired of hearing it, even if it’s a little uncomfortable having to confront my low self esteem.
If you could make it out of the 90s and early 2000s without an eating disorder as a girl god bless you. I was an early 2000s girl and it was an era of if you can’t see bones you are too fat. You spent most of your formative years learning how little you could eat and still make it through your day.
It has taken a lot for me to actually believe my boyfriend finds me attractive naked I always assumed he just said it to be nice.
Not OP but the 90s were about rail thin models and constantly being pushed products to lose weight and be “perfect”. Clothes for larger sizes were harder to find as stores just didn’t carry them and online ordering was in its infancy. Body positivity wasn’t as much of a thing, if it existed at all.
The crazy thing is that a ton of men found the heroin sheik anorexic model thing totally gross. It seemed like media/corpos and women were in a feedback loop of profit/ self loathing that had next to nothing to do with what most people found attractive. Male portrayals during that age were equally gross, but even that seemed targeted at women. The corpo/male feedback loop was (and still is, to an extent) around embodiment and display of either quiet boy aesthetic or over the top and stereotypical masculinity. Seems like things are getting better but I’m sure my kid and her generation will suffer new variants of the same bullshit—maybe even more covertly through supposedly “independent” YouTubers etc.
Chic. I see the word enough to correct myself without needing to look it up, but never actually use the word except the rare times when I talk about the monochromatic models of the 90s. Phononymochangomatic brain.
I’m sure it must have been super isolating back then too. I grew up in the 90s and remember that any class would only have like 1 overweight kid. Parents probably didn’t have a lot of empathy for it either, because they would have grown up in the 70s and were barely exposed to that at all.
And that’s the thing; you don’t have to get it, just accept it.
Testosterone is a hell of a drug, and unless you’re doing TRT, it’s super hard to understand the effects
Same goes for sex drive. My wife hasn’t internalized the fact that I would be happy to have sex at literally any time that wouldn’t get us arrested. Like, we’ve done it while I have a full blown migraine, and I initiated. But, I’m just being nice when I say it.
It’s hard to understand stuff like that when it’s not something you experience.
It is harder and harder to feel good about our appearance as we age. Which makes getting lots of attention harder and harder to handle. I’m sure there are also times when maybe he never gets tired of staring at her boobies but maybe she gets tired of them being stared at. I try to be respectful and sensitive with my wife, always, but we have had the talk about how “we are married and I’m allowed to just look at you for no reason.”
I’m a wife whose husband feels this way and let me just say, for a lot of heterosexual women (especially millennials; the 90’s were rough for girls) it is very VERY hard to internalize this message, no matter how often we hear it.
But I’m trying! And it makes me so happy that he loves my body, so I don’t get tired of hearing it, even if it’s a little uncomfortable having to confront my low self esteem.
I see it in my wife too. The answer might be obvious, but why were the 90’s so rough on girls?
If you could make it out of the 90s and early 2000s without an eating disorder as a girl god bless you. I was an early 2000s girl and it was an era of if you can’t see bones you are too fat. You spent most of your formative years learning how little you could eat and still make it through your day.
It has taken a lot for me to actually believe my boyfriend finds me attractive naked I always assumed he just said it to be nice.
Not OP but the 90s were about rail thin models and constantly being pushed products to lose weight and be “perfect”. Clothes for larger sizes were harder to find as stores just didn’t carry them and online ordering was in its infancy. Body positivity wasn’t as much of a thing, if it existed at all.
The crazy thing is that a ton of men found the heroin sheik anorexic model thing totally gross. It seemed like media/corpos and women were in a feedback loop of profit/ self loathing that had next to nothing to do with what most people found attractive. Male portrayals during that age were equally gross, but even that seemed targeted at women. The corpo/male feedback loop was (and still is, to an extent) around embodiment and display of either quiet boy aesthetic or over the top and stereotypical masculinity. Seems like things are getting better but I’m sure my kid and her generation will suffer new variants of the same bullshit—maybe even more covertly through supposedly “independent” YouTubers etc.
Yeah those Arab drug lords were really setting the trends…
Sorry, I had to haha.
Chic. I see the word enough to correct myself without needing to look it up, but never actually use the word except the rare times when I talk about the monochromatic models of the 90s. Phononymochangomatic brain.
That’s modern fashion in a nutshell. They thrive by making women feel insecure about bullshit no real person cares about.
Like, fucking Dove had an ad campaign that promised to make your arm pits more attractive.
I’m sure it must have been super isolating back then too. I grew up in the 90s and remember that any class would only have like 1 overweight kid. Parents probably didn’t have a lot of empathy for it either, because they would have grown up in the 70s and were barely exposed to that at all.
I genuinely wish I could see myself (and my tits) the way my husband sees them. I don’t think I’ll ever get it but I’m glad they make his day.
Like seeing fireworks everytime
Like a kid on Christmas
And that’s the thing; you don’t have to get it, just accept it.
Testosterone is a hell of a drug, and unless you’re doing TRT, it’s super hard to understand the effects
Same goes for sex drive. My wife hasn’t internalized the fact that I would be happy to have sex at literally any time that wouldn’t get us arrested. Like, we’ve done it while I have a full blown migraine, and I initiated. But, I’m just being nice when I say it.
It’s hard to understand stuff like that when it’s not something you experience.
It is harder and harder to feel good about our appearance as we age. Which makes getting lots of attention harder and harder to handle. I’m sure there are also times when maybe he never gets tired of staring at her boobies but maybe she gets tired of them being stared at. I try to be respectful and sensitive with my wife, always, but we have had the talk about how “we are married and I’m allowed to just look at you for no reason.”
I totally get it. My wife had bdd as well, so it’s taken some time, but it’s getting better.