I have struggles with PTSD. Some very terrible things have been done to me by people I loved and trusted.
I can be very distracted during the day. I have a very active mind, lots of coping mechanisms and most of the time I’m fine. But it’s trying to sleep that is impossible.
Weed can help, but there’s this pain that hits late at night. It’s crushing. Weed will quiet flashbacks, will help me get to the point that my parasympathetic nervous can kick in and I don’t feel afraid and hyper vigilant, but it can only sometimes help the pain.
Drinking helps. It’s making me sick at this point but I don’t know how else to cope with the black pit of despair. Doomscrolling and drinking all night at least stops the rumination.
And so I pay for help with this and see the therapists I can. There’s barely any options for therapy and I try to journal and do all of the things but it just doesn’t help when I feel like my heart is bleeding out and I need to sleep.
It feels almost physical, a gaping wound that needs a beer to hold it together.
It’s going to sound shitty, but you don’t sleep
Eventually, fatigue will win, and you will sleep
It’s going to feel like absolute hell, but if you keep going back to the bottle or other substances, then that’s what you will keep doing
I have done dry July and other things, just to make sure that I’m not an addict, but I still can’t go more than a couple of days without drinking
I want to. And I know that it doesn’t really help me sleep, but it’s the lie that I keep telling myself
I’ll do it one day
Exhaustion will get you to sleep eventually. Drying out is a much, much longer process
Please bear in mind that deliberately depriving yourself of sleep can be extremely dangerous to yourself and to others.
I agree completely
It’s not a case of deliberately depriving yourself of sleep, it’s about not using booze to knock yourself out
It’s a difficult balance