I’m struggling with the giant divide in the, shall we say, amorous appetite between my spouse (mid-30’s F) and me (mid-30’s M).

Due to dissimilar but equally traumatic backgrounds, we have very different opinions of sex (and physical expression of affection in general) in utility, execution, and significance. I am exceedingly (and uncomfortably, for her) voracious/enthusiastic, whereas she is almost painfully hesitant and reluctant.

I’ve recently started learning to address this by trying to understand her perspective more, but there’s still a long way to go, as healthy communication about this topic is in its infancy, after nearly a decade together. As well, I’m learning to be more introspective about my own motivations.

However, I can’t help the feeling (as I go through my process) that I am putting more emphasis on learning to suppress my needs (for physical affection) than actually getting my needs met. Akin to telling a starving man to “learn to be not hungry” rather than giving him anything to eat.

I’m sure there’s a middle ground, but I don’t know how to get there on my own. I don’t want to be disrespectful of my wife’s feelings, and I don’t want to be so dependent on sex to feel good in my relationship (but old habits die hard).

I’m here to see if anyone has a suggestion, a lesson learned from their own experience, or just anything that might help.

  • @[email protected]M
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    41 year ago

    Hello! Thanks for your contribution. I hope you enjoy this community and get the advice you’re seeking.

    Although light in language, your post is related to sexuality. In this case, please edit it to mark it as NSFW. Unfortunately, we moderators can’t flag it for you.

    Thanks!