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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/dinohuggies on 2023-09-02 23:50:34.

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I’m 49F, have a daughter 29F who’s been married for 3 years and has a 1 year old daughter. Other than her I have 2 more kids: daughter, 19 and son, 11.

My eldest is currently pregnant and was recently speaking about wanting to buy a bigger apartment, because they now live in a 1 bedroom apartment that her husband has had a while before they got married.

They also share a business together as their main source of income (they don’t have other jobs) and the nature of that business is seasonal, so there are times when they could get a lot of money and the other times it would be stalled.

Her parents-in-law are pretty well off, not rich but definitely above average. And they are older than me and my husband (both in their 60s) so apart from this son they only have one other daughter who is also in her late twenties and is married into a very rich family. In short - my daughter’s family in law is better off financially than us by a lot and the parents don’t really have any dependents.

My daughter and her husband borrowed money from their rich relatives to open their business with promises to give it back within 2-3 years. And I’m speaking a big sum of money, about a 100k. You would think that with a big debt like that they should be more frugal with their finances, but they make a lot of uneconomic decisions. They buy designer clothes for their toddler, eat out/order food practically every day, buy latest phones and go on vacations to very expensive hotels.

Me and my husband still have to support our two younger kids, as my daughter is now in college (so definitely a couple more years of financial support) and my son is in middle school so he fully depends on us. We are not by any means poor, we have significant money in savings but that we set aside for our two kids’ education and retirement. FYI we put our eldest daughter through college as well so no one is getting special treatment.

I would not call myself frugal, but we don’t spend a lot of money on clothes, barely ever eat out, have all IKEA furniture and replace our electronics at least after 4-5 years. We only really splurge on going on a vacation 1-2 times a year and it’s never very fancy hotels either. I’ve always been conscious about money so that let me set aside good savings.

Now my eldest secretly told my dad that she’s planning to ask me for the money for the apartment, not to borrow but as my gift for her, since her husband’s family already helped them with the business so they don’t want to bother them more.

I genuinely don’t want to give her that money because I still have two dependents and want to have some left for myself for a safe retirement. Her spendings do not align with her financial goals and I don’t want her to think that she can have a lavish lifestyle which even I cannot afford and then ask me for 100+k as a gift.

WIBTA?