Thanks for your question. It prompted some critical self-reflection in me. Not coming with my penis was a way of managing gender dysphoria as a transfeminine person. I’ve realized it’s not working out great for me, although the break had some benefits. Like you highlighted, there was some ‘throwing the baby out with the bathwater’. I think my issue is not that I masturbate with my penis but how I do. I desire to be feminine and submissive during sex, but that carries significant challenges accepting and finding it for me, compared to cisheteronormative relations. I’d wank joylessly and compulsively to mental scenes that I found very hot to manage the frustration of feeling like the kind of sex I want to have is unattainable, in the same way that someone in a bad job and bad marriage might habitually turn to the bottle to cope versus try to improve their life situation.