I started to answer this question, and then I realized I don’t really know what you’re asking. You ask what I, as a potential answerer, define as “it” (i.e. bdsm), but I’m not sure that leads to a very meaningful answer. What do YOU define as “it”? Are you looking for people who ARE in a scene/lifestyle to share their stories of how they made that happen? Or are you interested in how someone may have introduced one or more BDSM-related practices into a relationship? Are you interested in how someone developed a kink, regardless of how or even if they practice it? That last may be an impossible question to answer.

For myself, I’ll just say that I’m a cis-het man who’s been submissive as long as I can recall - certainly as long as I’ve been sexually aware. Literally I remember being 10 years old and lying in bed masturbating to thoughts of a girl in my class holding me down, sitting on my face, and squeezing my balls. HOW did I get into those kinks? I have NO IDEA. They were just always there. Since then I’ve gotten into several more BDSM-themed kinks, mainly just by seeing them depicted in porn or reading about them in erotic stories. But my wife and I practice very few of them, and I can hardly say I’m in any sort of scene or lifestyle. Still, I would say I’m “into bdsm”, but couldn’t really tell you how I got there. I’m not sure if this really answers your question.