The force said it had followed “proper procedure” by sending a forensic pathologist to the woodland near Kineton, and cordoning off a country lane for 31 hours. But the suspected body was actually a “discarded and realistic life-size doll”, a spokesperson added.

Police chief: Alright gents what’ve we got here now.

Officer 1: Well, we recieved a call from a man who spotted a woman’s hand and foot sticking out of some undergrowth in the woods over there [points in general direction]

Police chief: Right, and I see you’ve already cordoned off the area, and called in the forensic pathologist. Excellent. [turns to pathologist] So what else can you tell me about the victim?

Forensic pathologist: What, me? Oh no, I haven’t had a look. Sounds a bit morbid.

Police chief: You didn’t even make sure it was a dead person? What’ve you two been doing here for the last 30 sodding hours?

Officer 1: Well you don’t have to raise your voice. We’re standing right here.

Police chief: I know you’re standing right there, that’s the problem!