My therapist eventually built me up to a schedule for a week, there are things that need to happen before that so that the schedule is sustainable.
We worked in my emotional regulation, my motivation to do things, what I want my purpose to be in life, my self image, and more, additionally, I’m on two ADHD meds.
So yeah, schedule is the right answer, but it’s not where you start, if your therapist starts there and doesn’t wanna work with you to get there, they may not be a good fit
Funny, for me, a schedule is exactly the wrong answer. What worked best for me was fully leaning into my distractions - I just “let” myself be distracted by the things I “should” be doing, and not really caring about if they happen or not.
What I mean by that is, whenever I notice something, I just do it, regardless of what I’m currently doing. Let’s say I’m currently writing a shopping list. I notice that I have to pee. I go to the bath. I see clothes that should go in the drawer. I take said clothes to the drawer. I still have to pee, I remember that I wanted to go to the toilet. I pee. I notice hair in the shower. I collect the hair and throw it away. I want to go play some games. I go to the desk, see my phone with the shopping list app still open. I continue making my shopping list.
Obviously, stuff still gets lost this way, but actually not very many things. So little gets lost that way that I actually can just not care about them. For example in the above, maybe I never get to the shopping list again. But I made part of it, and it’s not like I need a shopping list to go shopping, I’ll still be able to get something from the store so that I don’t starve, even though I maybe miss some of the stuff I wanted. And I did so many other things instead that “had” to be done that I’m still happy in general, I know what the shopping list was replaced by and still feel good about these things.
The middle part of your comment obviously is very fucking important for this. You have to actually want to do the things, know you can do them, try to feel good about doing them, forgive yourself if you don’t do them, etc etc etc.
For me, this embraced chaos works so much better than any schedule ever could, because I love this way of living so much more than the rigidity.
This kind of productive flow probably works amazingly- unless you have any other beings in your life, especially ones that rely on you for food, walks, and financial contribution.
I have a dog and he was trained to tell me when he has to go out or needs food, so these signs of him get incorporated into this flow with maximum priority. I would assume the same would work for me with kids or other pets.
Well that would require a lot of in depth info about my issues because it definitely varies for every person and I’m not super comfortable sharing that here, sorry about that
No worries. If it’s specific to you, it probably wouldn’t work for me, anyway. I was just hoping there was something general you could point me towards.
I was gonna say I’ll get back to you when I check my notes but then I startex remembering tips so here you go:
One easy tip, utilize your phone calendar, experiment with when to get the reminders. That was one of my first steps. I use it for appointments and things, and some regular daily tasks, I don’t always follow it.
That’s what I worked on next with was executive dysfunction, not having the motivation to do the things I wanted to do. One thing I decided would work for me is setting a goal for a week, or a month, etc. Because one thing he mentioned was having a purpose in your head or having an identity picked out in your head that defines you most accurately. Like teacher, or father, or learner, or bulder etc. My goal right now is to figure out what that means for me, and try to understand who I want to be, and as I collect those pieces I write them down and try to work towards them. I find myself naturally making lists of things to do more and actually checking them because I know that list will help me get done what I want to do, it gets to where I want to be in life. Whether that be for work or personal life.
I think for me those were big ones, those definitely still take some work to build to, and sometimes the answer is also medication, and sometimes it’s completely different but that stuff helped me. I feel like it’s common for ADHD to be very goal motivated. Personally rewards never work for me, it’s the satisfaction of competing something that I was working towards that pushes me.
But you have to be willing to identify to yourself that you did a good job, I struggled with bad self speak. And it wasn’t really obvious until I started to think about it. Like instead of saying, “I’m pretty good at x, but not the best”. I’d say, “I’m not great at x, but I’m not terrible” like one shows I’m decent but I have room to grow, and the other shows I’m not good and but I’m not the worst. Too negative. So I had to work on my recognition of my personal progress. If you don’t actually recognize what you’ve done and the progress you’ve made, you’ll feel like you’ve gotten nowhere
Those are a few, you can definitely find more info on some of this online, and I’ll make another comment if I remember more or see some in my notes.
My therapist eventually built me up to a schedule for a week, there are things that need to happen before that so that the schedule is sustainable.
We worked in my emotional regulation, my motivation to do things, what I want my purpose to be in life, my self image, and more, additionally, I’m on two ADHD meds.
So yeah, schedule is the right answer, but it’s not where you start, if your therapist starts there and doesn’t wanna work with you to get there, they may not be a good fit
Funny, for me, a schedule is exactly the wrong answer. What worked best for me was fully leaning into my distractions - I just “let” myself be distracted by the things I “should” be doing, and not really caring about if they happen or not.
What I mean by that is, whenever I notice something, I just do it, regardless of what I’m currently doing. Let’s say I’m currently writing a shopping list. I notice that I have to pee. I go to the bath. I see clothes that should go in the drawer. I take said clothes to the drawer. I still have to pee, I remember that I wanted to go to the toilet. I pee. I notice hair in the shower. I collect the hair and throw it away. I want to go play some games. I go to the desk, see my phone with the shopping list app still open. I continue making my shopping list.
Obviously, stuff still gets lost this way, but actually not very many things. So little gets lost that way that I actually can just not care about them. For example in the above, maybe I never get to the shopping list again. But I made part of it, and it’s not like I need a shopping list to go shopping, I’ll still be able to get something from the store so that I don’t starve, even though I maybe miss some of the stuff I wanted. And I did so many other things instead that “had” to be done that I’m still happy in general, I know what the shopping list was replaced by and still feel good about these things.
The middle part of your comment obviously is very fucking important for this. You have to actually want to do the things, know you can do them, try to feel good about doing them, forgive yourself if you don’t do them, etc etc etc.
For me, this embraced chaos works so much better than any schedule ever could, because I love this way of living so much more than the rigidity.
This kind of productive flow probably works amazingly- unless you have any other beings in your life, especially ones that rely on you for food, walks, and financial contribution.
Other life forms are where my flow breaks down.
I have a dog and he was trained to tell me when he has to go out or needs food, so these signs of him get incorporated into this flow with maximum priority. I would assume the same would work for me with kids or other pets.
What did you do to build up to it?
Well that would require a lot of in depth info about my issues because it definitely varies for every person and I’m not super comfortable sharing that here, sorry about that
No worries. If it’s specific to you, it probably wouldn’t work for me, anyway. I was just hoping there was something general you could point me towards.
I was gonna say I’ll get back to you when I check my notes but then I startex remembering tips so here you go:
One easy tip, utilize your phone calendar, experiment with when to get the reminders. That was one of my first steps. I use it for appointments and things, and some regular daily tasks, I don’t always follow it.
That’s what I worked on next with was executive dysfunction, not having the motivation to do the things I wanted to do. One thing I decided would work for me is setting a goal for a week, or a month, etc. Because one thing he mentioned was having a purpose in your head or having an identity picked out in your head that defines you most accurately. Like teacher, or father, or learner, or bulder etc. My goal right now is to figure out what that means for me, and try to understand who I want to be, and as I collect those pieces I write them down and try to work towards them. I find myself naturally making lists of things to do more and actually checking them because I know that list will help me get done what I want to do, it gets to where I want to be in life. Whether that be for work or personal life.
I think for me those were big ones, those definitely still take some work to build to, and sometimes the answer is also medication, and sometimes it’s completely different but that stuff helped me. I feel like it’s common for ADHD to be very goal motivated. Personally rewards never work for me, it’s the satisfaction of competing something that I was working towards that pushes me.
But you have to be willing to identify to yourself that you did a good job, I struggled with bad self speak. And it wasn’t really obvious until I started to think about it. Like instead of saying, “I’m pretty good at x, but not the best”. I’d say, “I’m not great at x, but I’m not terrible” like one shows I’m decent but I have room to grow, and the other shows I’m not good and but I’m not the worst. Too negative. So I had to work on my recognition of my personal progress. If you don’t actually recognize what you’ve done and the progress you’ve made, you’ll feel like you’ve gotten nowhere
Those are a few, you can definitely find more info on some of this online, and I’ll make another comment if I remember more or see some in my notes.