Sorry no one posted one for last week! Feel free to include anything from the week before you want to catch us up on :-)
Please let us know of any fun you had, of the naughty and un-naughty kind 🙏
Sorry no one posted one for last week! Feel free to include anything from the week before you want to catch us up on :-)
Please let us know of any fun you had, of the naughty and un-naughty kind 🙏
I feel like I’m looking at a version of me from another universe. I’m a recently bisexual man whose wife is recently asexual. I don’t really know where they are on the spectrum because they clearly enjoy sex with me (and they’re also definitely not aromantic, they love romance). Regardless, in the past year, I don’t remember when exactly, but we were prepping to have sex and when they came out of the shower they were just crying. They were telling me how we needed to have an open relationship and stuff.
For context, we’ve always tossed the idea around. We’re high school sweet hearts in our 30s. They’re literally the second person I ever dated. (They’re nonbinary now, they/she.) We were conservative Christians when we began dating. When we’re talking about it we always describe it as we both became different people over the years but those two people are still compatible. She came out as bi a few years back as well.
Anyways, any relationship that’s been nearly half your life (by May I think it will be) I feel like the topic of poly/open comes up. We loved the joke from Arrested Development. “Lots of people think it will work for them and it doesn’t, but it might work for us.” From their side they don’t want to because they believe they’d get jealous. From my side I’m curious and sort of want to try but realistically I just know it’s not going to end well probably.
So my wife comes out just sobbing to me about how they’re never going to have a strong libido like they used to (we were more active in highschool and college). I tell her you know, I’m open to it, I really am, but this isn’t the state to be making these kinds of decisions in.
I’m reading your story and it makes me wonder, if I had spoken to them differently, would I be where you are today? And just in case my wording is off or something, I’m in no way trying to imply you’re doing something wrong. It’s just that this very specific moment happened to me.
Anyways, we do have rules for what is acceptable to do with other people. Essentially like, “I’m drunk at a party, what is acceptable?” Sort of stuff like cuddles and kisses are okay, making out and touching genitals aren’t.
We did come sort of close having a third. It’s a stretch to call it close, but like, if you consider any time three people are in a group it was close. We had a friend visit from out of town. My wife and I sort of joked.to each other about them being a good candidate because weove the idea of being able to date our friends in a poly way or whatever but it’s a huge risk for little gain. We’d need to try it with new friends that we don’t mind losing if shit goes south, you know? Not our old friends we’ve had for years who would never look at us the same after we brought it up. This friend from out of town was a new friend and because they live so far away we wouldn’t have to bump into them! We ended up deciding not to pursue it. I don’t really remember why but I think we made the right call.
We did get some good cuddles on the couch all three of us though.
Idk, I’m rambling at the point. Thank you for sharing your story. I feel like we’re kindred spirits from across time and space haha.
Thank you for sharing your story. Maybe we’re indeed variants from different timelines. Let me tell you more about my timeline.
We’ve been together since the university, 20+ years ago. I fell in love at first sight, l never felt something so strong for someone. We shared and still share lots of things: we’re gamers, nerds, far leftist, cat lovers, we never planned to have kids…
The first years were a firework. But with time, she went through a lot of different stuff which slowly ruined her libido. Nowadays, she has treatments for two medical conditions, each one of them is known to have a negative impact on sexuality (she can’t even enjoy fingering herself alone anymore).
We tried a lot of things, but eventually she just felt bad because she was depriving me of a sexual life and she put a lot of pressure on herself for that. So she suggested we should open our relationship for me. And for a long time, I didn’t want to have sex with anyone else, because I believed true love means monogamy.
But she was still very insecure because of our lack of sexual life, so I searched for a solution which would not endanger our couple. And so I discovered that gay saunas exist.
It’s a good solution for me. I have sex at will, so she doesn’t put anymore pressure on herself for that. I can explore an other side of my sexuality, and make some fantasies come true. There’s no risk that I fall in love with someone else.
We established simple rules: I don’t date people outside of the sauna. I tell her when I go there (so she knows my phone is off). I limit the risks of STD. No sex with someone we know. No shame, I can tell her what I did when I come back home. We can freely speak about this deal, and stop it if one of us start to feel unconformable about it.
The second time I went to a sauna, our whatsapp was litteraly like :
That’s so simple. I love her.
Thank you so much for sharing this story. It’s heart warming to hear success stories about open relationships. ❤️
This conversation has popped back into my head. Over the last year a friend my wife met over the Internet and at conventions became a mutual cuddle buddy of ours and (with my wife) a romantic interest.
In hindsight I think your story helped nudge me towards it. Around October I began doing erotic roleplay with folks online. A lot of times I wanted to do more stuff with them, like JOI or just involve voice chat or anything but it was always outside of the limits.
After it was clear my wife was interested romantically in our mutual friend we brought back up the topic of poly and where our boundaries really are. To make a long story short, I just picked up my wife from the airport last night after her visiting this friend alone. I’m very happy for them. I’ve started doing more directly sexual things online with folks as opposed to just roleplay too. We’re both as happy as can be still.
Also, your story about what your partner said after the first time reminded me of the first time I went on an online “date” with someone. My wife was actually excited for me and gushed over the details with me and afterwards, later that day she very specifically came and sat with me on the couch and cuddled. It’s been a great experience overall. Just like with you, it’s helped my wife feel less anxious about needing to be able to satisfy me. It’s made the times she actually is in the mood better as well because she feels less stressed.
That’s nice to read. I’m glad you’ve found your own way of being in a relationship that works for you.
My partner and I continue to be in an open relationship, and we have no regrets or doubts that it was the right thing for us.