Been into sissy porn, captions, etc for a few years. Ever since the pandemic I started to consume more porn and started to really crave being a sissy, suck a cock and being fucked. It got to the point where I opened a kik and started flirting with men online to make them cum.
Given how much fun and horny that made me I finally caved and decided to get grindr, message a few men until one made me feel safe enough and we agreed to meet up on his lunch break. He came over, pulled his cock out, I got on my knees and began to suck. I was a proper porn whore, his cock was all sloppy from my spit by the time he finished in my mouth and I drank it all.
I’m not exactly having regrets but I also don’t feel anything in particular. Like it felt hollow, my cock never even got hard during the blow job (though I did make a wet spot in my panties). I don’t know if I just hyped it up too much in my head because of all the hypno and captions saying I would feel addicted. So now I’m just wondering if I really am a sissy or this was just a fantasy that should be kept online. Any opinions or insights are appreciated
I felt similar to you when I first did it (but yours worked out in the end). My one experience with a guy was very disappointing. The chats made it sound promising. But he showed up in a rush looking trashy in sweatpants and work boots which was a bad look compared to his pictures (even after just showering), he had just smoked a cigarette on his drive over (no offense to smokers but ew) so he smelled strongly of that when he claimed he didn’t smoke, I got past that and was blowing him at first (and liking it) but then he stopped me to try and blow me (which I never said I wanted and was maybe the most aggressive, teeth involved and just bad BJ I’ve ever gotten and I made him stop right away), and I finally worked up the courage to say he could fuck me to get it over with and then he “discovered” he forgot a condom and only brought lube when I said condom only.
So I immediately got turned off, the fantasy stopped and I sent him home. I think because of the internet and all these sissy hypno captions/memes a lot of guys just think all sissies are back alley sluts who have zero standards, are fine with doing literally any sex act/getting STDs and want to be treated like trash. And I find that to be the worst part of all of these online communities because that’s NOT a healthy perspective to have. You look through some of the subs on Reddit and it’s like it’s 70% hairy masculine gay guys with an obsession for humiliation, anonymous forced sex and name calling with no interest in being feminine/sissy. And then the rest are actual girly Sissies who don’t view themselves as a bad gay joke sex toy to be abused and called a Faggot cum dumpster by literally everyone in the community. It feels like that mindset isn’t respected at all in general though and I do not get it. I think you need to find a guy who is more respectful, cares about making you feel feminine/sexy and takes his time.