Oh yeah I don’t even look for people to date, I can’t really be with someone that doesn’t know me well. It’s just the American suburbs are possibly one of the worst places for social interaction in general, there’s not very much of a way to meet people that’s not, like, harassing them while they’re trying to get groceries lmao (which is an obvious no).
Tangentially, why I want to live in a less car-centric area, I’m an introvert but damn it’s very isolating when everyone’s either at their house or in cars except when they’re busy. Too much asphalt and no sidewalks/bike roads/public transit and no city center or streets to be able to interact with anyone.
Also most typical people in my experience just don’t like it when those with mainly neurodevelopmental disorders are themselves… this is a shared experience with basically all of my ADHD friends, other people feel irritated or awkward when you don’t actively attempt to cover up ADHD (of course, in my experience).
I guess I should also mention that I am american. And yes the suburbs aren’t great for social interaction, the same goes for cities, though. If you like to drink, you can get some social interaction in a bar, and suburbs have bars, of course cities have more.
But since you mentioned NTs not wanting NDs to be themselves, who cares. Do you really want to be with someone you need to mask around 24/7? What if I told you that I met my wife, married her and then years later we both learn we are autistic. She having been diagnosed, me only speculating because of my ADHD, the comorbidity with Autism and some other clues about me that suggest I might be somewhere on the spectrum.
I never asked anyone who I dated if they were Autistic or not, but thinking back on it there were people who weren’t good fits. One person I can remember broke up with me because I would forget often and she had a nearly photographic memory. My wife and I went to counseling to better understand my ADHD as it seemed to her (reasonably) that I was lying to her.
Moral of the story is you can’t even begin to start finding someone for you until you are your whole, unmasked self. Keep in mind here you still have to be decent. If your stimming is actually inappropriate (e.g. public masturbation) then you will have to keep it legal at a minimum. I hate that I even feel the need to mention that, but I have seen some shit excuses online from people trying to excuse abusive behavior because that person is autistic. These people are usually just trying to be shitty under the guise of having a “a disorder” where they can’t help themselves.
If you have ADHD, my guess is you might have a few hobbies or interests. Do you, maybe in front of others, and just be your ND self. Some people will hate it and others will want to know more about you. People tend to gravite towards people who are “confident” which in this context I mean are confident doing their own thing, despite what anyone else mighr expect. You owe the world nothing.
Oh yeah I don’t even look for people to date, I can’t really be with someone that doesn’t know me well. It’s just the American suburbs are possibly one of the worst places for social interaction in general, there’s not very much of a way to meet people that’s not, like, harassing them while they’re trying to get groceries lmao (which is an obvious no).
Tangentially, why I want to live in a less car-centric area, I’m an introvert but damn it’s very isolating when everyone’s either at their house or in cars except when they’re busy. Too much asphalt and no sidewalks/bike roads/public transit and no city center or streets to be able to interact with anyone.
Also most typical people in my experience just don’t like it when those with mainly neurodevelopmental disorders are themselves… this is a shared experience with basically all of my ADHD friends, other people feel irritated or awkward when you don’t actively attempt to cover up ADHD (of course, in my experience).
Thanks!
I guess I should also mention that I am american. And yes the suburbs aren’t great for social interaction, the same goes for cities, though. If you like to drink, you can get some social interaction in a bar, and suburbs have bars, of course cities have more.
But since you mentioned NTs not wanting NDs to be themselves, who cares. Do you really want to be with someone you need to mask around 24/7? What if I told you that I met my wife, married her and then years later we both learn we are autistic. She having been diagnosed, me only speculating because of my ADHD, the comorbidity with Autism and some other clues about me that suggest I might be somewhere on the spectrum.
I never asked anyone who I dated if they were Autistic or not, but thinking back on it there were people who weren’t good fits. One person I can remember broke up with me because I would forget often and she had a nearly photographic memory. My wife and I went to counseling to better understand my ADHD as it seemed to her (reasonably) that I was lying to her.
Moral of the story is you can’t even begin to start finding someone for you until you are your whole, unmasked self. Keep in mind here you still have to be decent. If your stimming is actually inappropriate (e.g. public masturbation) then you will have to keep it legal at a minimum. I hate that I even feel the need to mention that, but I have seen some shit excuses online from people trying to excuse abusive behavior because that person is autistic. These people are usually just trying to be shitty under the guise of having a “a disorder” where they can’t help themselves.
If you have ADHD, my guess is you might have a few hobbies or interests. Do you, maybe in front of others, and just be your ND self. Some people will hate it and others will want to know more about you. People tend to gravite towards people who are “confident” which in this context I mean are confident doing their own thing, despite what anyone else mighr expect. You owe the world nothing.