• @[email protected]
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      9 months ago

      It’s among a list of risk factors for queer relationships, and I made an assumption that polyamory that’s discussed/known/ in the open would be just fine, like everyone would be cool with it

      • Gaywallet (they/it)M
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        59 months ago

        Just because one is polyamorous and not hiding it, does not mean that they are practicing healthy polyamory. Unfortunately many individuals use polyamory as a framework to attempt avoid consequences for shitty behavior like cheating (yes, you can cheat while polyamorous!) or as a way to cope with their inability to actually commit to anyone or simply to get their narcissistic needs met. In many cases they get a certain set of needs or most of their needs met by a primary partner and treat secondary partners more as toys or one-dimensional with regards to the missing needs that their primary aren’t giving them. I’ve met and dated people who ultimately were not very interested in a truly collaborative relationship (hard boundaries in inappropriate places causing power dynamic issues) while making no effort to contribute equally to a relationship. Part of that is propped up by the reality that managing a breakup is easier when you have other partners who can and will provide emotional support, or as stated earlier primary partners who already provide most of your needs.

        • @[email protected]
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          49 months ago

          Expressing a personal opinion here: anything but truly balanced and open poly just seems like cheating with extra steps, queer or not.

          • Gaywallet (they/it)M
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            9 months ago

            I think it’s reasonable to have different styles of poly relationships to meet different needs and desires without it constituting cheating - but it requires a level of transparency, honesty, and self-awareness that most people are incapable of.