Thank you Nome @NomedaBarbarian
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@NomedaBarbarian on Twitter:
Thinking about how I’ve been lied to as an #ADHD person about what habits are.
That apparently is not what neurotypical folks get to experience.
Habits are things that they do without thinking.
They don’t have to decide to do them. They don’t have to remember to do them. Things just happen, automatically, because they’ve done them enough for that system to engage and make them automatic.
That system…which I lack.
Every single time I have brushed my teeth, it’s been an active choice. I’ve had to devote thought and attention to it. It’s not a routine, it’s not a habit, it’s something that I know is good to do, and hopefully I can remember to do it.
Every single time I exercise, or floss, or pay my rent, or drink water, or say “bless you” when someone sneezes,
It’s because I’ve had to actively and consciously engage the protocol.
It never gets easier.
Just more familiar.
It’s part of my struggle with my weight–exercise never becomes a habit, and every single time I do it, it is exactly as hard as the first time. It takes exactly as much willpower & thought.
I got lied to about how it would just “turn into a habit”. And blamed, when it didn’t.
Drinking water isn’t a habit. Feeding myself isn’t a habit. Bathing isn’t a habit.
I spend so much more energy, so much more time, so much more labor on just managing to maintain my fucking meat suit.
And now you want me to ALSO do taxes?
ON TIME?
Hygiene is the thing I struggle with. Every time i brush my teeth it’s, “I’d better do it while I’m think about it.” Showering is an active choice which i hate doing because I dispise how my body looks. Exercising? Absolutely terrified because the last time I truly exercised I almost died due to a septic pelvis injury.
Often enough I dont have enough spoons to do everything I do in the day and spend a lot of it in bed. I’m currently trying to find a source of income and have put some images on redbubble, but the thought of holding down a job is foreign. ADHD, Autism, and Anxiety are not a good mix
Aha! I knew my “challenge” would come in handy sometime! I’m severely near-sighted and have pretty bad astigmatism, so for all I know, my body looks like Tom Brady