My father just died in his sleep. He had passed by the time the paramedics arrived.

They still did their best, which I am very grateful for, but they even an entire trash bag full of used instruments that were stuffed under the bed for some reason

I’m glad that I found it sooner over later but it’s mildly infuriating that they just discarded their medical waste under his bed.

(NSFW some blood)

I’ve been taking care of him for over 5 years and it’s made things a lot harder for me, seeing all of that all over.

  • @[email protected]OPEnglish
    2•1 year ago

    Thank you very much. This is something that I really needed to hear.

    I feel like I’m walking through a fog, having to do the same things I did dealing with death stuff that I had to do for my grandmother not but 3 months ago.

    I will for sure do that sort of meditation and I will see if it works. I’m sure it will as it seems like a good way to hack a memory…

    Thank you so much for taking the time that you did to write that out for me.

    • @[email protected]English
      2•1 year ago

      You’re quite welcome. Expect it to feel surreal and foggy for a while, though it should begin to get a bit better in a week or so as your brain slowly adapts to the New Normal. Those intrusive memories of the bag are just your brain looking for resolution to what was a compound trauma; by rearranging the memory AND linking it with a resolving cognition, you don’t change or undo it, you just give your brain something with which to say oh, okay, guess I can file that now. “Hack” is exactly the right word.

      You woke up to find your life just as completely cratered as if it had been hit by a meteor, so don’t expect a quick return to normalcy. It’s going to feel very surreal and “not right” for a while, though that too will lessen each day. You already know from your grandmother, but it will come in waves. All you can do is ride them out with as much self-care and self-kindness as you can muster.

      Just take it day by day, speak kindly to yourself, don’t make big decisions, and let the days and hours fill themselves with normal living. It WILL be normal, soon enough. And you WILL be fine, in time.

      But right now your brain is still staring blankly at that crater going WTF??? so be understanding of your own needs.

      Thank you for letting me know it helped. Someday you’ll be telling someone else how to walk this path yourself. I wish you all the best.

      EDITED for clarity