It’s unsettling how common that sort of story is, and it’s always something of a boast, too. “I never gave up! I ate dinner at the diner she worked in every night until she agreed to go on a date with me, and now we’re married!” Even as a “success” story, it’s not exactly great to think that the only reason they are together is because one partner “wore down” the other.
There are plenty of traditionally good looking men, and women, who are considered to be creepy. It takes slightly longer for people to acknowledge it but it absolutely happens. There are also many people who are “neutral” where their attitude flavours their looks. If they’re creepy they’re sleezy and if they’re respectful they’re put together.
To be honest the “ugly” people I know who’d be considered creepy very quickly a) are being creepy and b) haven’t even attempted to make themselves presentable.
Polar opposite experience for me. The guys who look creepy are quite nice and there’s some absolute assholes who are pretty. Ofc the other way around as well.
In my opinion looks say zero about a person and there is no significant correlation between being creepy and looking creepy. Same for looking authentic and being authentic. Honestly I experienced a small correlation in the other direction, but not enough to be informative.
The person I replied to was sounding like they were saying that the world allows traditionally hot people to get away with normally heinous stuff. It’s partly true because we absolutely, on instinct, will judge people on appearances(many have learned not to act on those feelings so quickly and that is a good thing).
I was trying to go against that by pointing out pretty much exactly what you said which is that there are many traditionally attractive people out there labelled sleezy or creepy or whatever else by their peers i.e. they aren’t getting away with it based on their looks. I’m not sure why agreeing statements are “polar opposite”.
My point about “ugly” people was to give my experience with people who claim that all people care about is looks are often pretty crappy people as well and to acknowledge the fact that no amount of being a good person will make up for a lack of hygiene and that is something that can be controlled quite easily(a semi-decent haircut, shaving if your beard sucks and keeping it neat if you have one, etc. are all easy and reasonable things to expect, for example).
Extra:
I personally find that being somewhat neat and deliberate isn’t even about whether or not I like the chosen style but instead about simply being turned off by people who look like they wouldn’t notice a crusty kitchen counter or nasty smell. It’s like a car. I would 100% rather drive or be a passenger in a tidy(doesn’t need to be spotless) Nissan Versa than go anywhere near a dirty BMW with crumbs everywhere and bits of garbage on the floor. I want to trust that the stain I see was cleaned as much as it could be and won’t transfer onto me.
What matters is the signals she gave him and how he read and responded to them.
If she gave signals of “please leave me alone” then whether he’s creepy or not depends on how he responded, regardless of how he looks.
Him being a positive and personable presence near her over a stretch of time, especially if she gave signals of being in the neutral-to-positive range towards him, is fine. The most important thing is that if he eventually shot his shot - and the response was “no thank you” - that he accept this answer gracefully.
Lots of women actually prefer to meet guys through their social circle because it’s an easier way to meet guys who their friends can give their own impressions about and who are less likely to be assholes. It sounds like it turned out well here, although we’re missing a lot of information.
This always reminds me of a comic I saw a long time ago. Two girls are gossiping and one talks about this guy that smiled at her (like packing her groceries or something) and she said he was creepy and stalking her. The next few frames show those same girls recognizing a guy sitting in a dark car watching them through the window and gush about how cute he is and it’s so sweet that he is so into one of them. I can never find the comic… but yeah, it’s all down to how the other party feels.
It’s cute because they ended up together. If they didn’t end up together this would read as a stalker story
Unless he realized she wasn’t interested and left her alone after that! That’s the normal, healthy thing to do!
People seem to forget that’s the normal thing to happen.
It’s unsettling how common that sort of story is, and it’s always something of a boast, too. “I never gave up! I ate dinner at the diner she worked in every night until she agreed to go on a date with me, and now we’re married!” Even as a “success” story, it’s not exactly great to think that the only reason they are together is because one partner “wore down” the other.
Dude is probably good looking so it doesn’t count as stalking
Edit: guess I’m showing my age and people don’t remember this video
https://youtu.be/PxuUkYiaUc8?si=C40nEKUWygbZyMVp
Stop being an incel
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I’m not putting your incel video on my YT algorithm. And I’m not a guy, ‘guy’
Strong incel vibes coming from you guy
There are plenty of traditionally good looking men, and women, who are considered to be creepy. It takes slightly longer for people to acknowledge it but it absolutely happens. There are also many people who are “neutral” where their attitude flavours their looks. If they’re creepy they’re sleezy and if they’re respectful they’re put together.
To be honest the “ugly” people I know who’d be considered creepy very quickly a) are being creepy and b) haven’t even attempted to make themselves presentable.
Polar opposite experience for me. The guys who look creepy are quite nice and there’s some absolute assholes who are pretty. Ofc the other way around as well.
In my opinion looks say zero about a person and there is no significant correlation between being creepy and looking creepy. Same for looking authentic and being authentic. Honestly I experienced a small correlation in the other direction, but not enough to be informative.
I think we’re agreeing so I just want to clarify:
The person I replied to was sounding like they were saying that the world allows traditionally hot people to get away with normally heinous stuff. It’s partly true because we absolutely, on instinct, will judge people on appearances(many have learned not to act on those feelings so quickly and that is a good thing).
I was trying to go against that by pointing out pretty much exactly what you said which is that there are many traditionally attractive people out there labelled sleezy or creepy or whatever else by their peers i.e. they aren’t getting away with it based on their looks. I’m not sure why agreeing statements are “polar opposite”.
My point about “ugly” people was to give my experience with people who claim that all people care about is looks are often pretty crappy people as well and to acknowledge the fact that no amount of being a good person will make up for a lack of hygiene and that is something that can be controlled quite easily(a semi-decent haircut, shaving if your beard sucks and keeping it neat if you have one, etc. are all easy and reasonable things to expect, for example).
Extra:
I personally find that being somewhat neat and deliberate isn’t even about whether or not I like the chosen style but instead about simply being turned off by people who look like they wouldn’t notice a crusty kitchen counter or nasty smell. It’s like a car. I would 100% rather drive or be a passenger in a tidy(doesn’t need to be spotless) Nissan Versa than go anywhere near a dirty BMW with crumbs everywhere and bits of garbage on the floor. I want to trust that the stain I see was cleaned as much as it could be and won’t transfer onto me.
What matters is the signals she gave him and how he read and responded to them.
If she gave signals of “please leave me alone” then whether he’s creepy or not depends on how he responded, regardless of how he looks.
Him being a positive and personable presence near her over a stretch of time, especially if she gave signals of being in the neutral-to-positive range towards him, is fine. The most important thing is that if he eventually shot his shot - and the response was “no thank you” - that he accept this answer gracefully.
Lots of women actually prefer to meet guys through their social circle because it’s an easier way to meet guys who their friends can give their own impressions about and who are less likely to be assholes. It sounds like it turned out well here, although we’re missing a lot of information.
Not gonna read that novel because it was a joke my man
This always reminds me of a comic I saw a long time ago. Two girls are gossiping and one talks about this guy that smiled at her (like packing her groceries or something) and she said he was creepy and stalking her. The next few frames show those same girls recognizing a guy sitting in a dark car watching them through the window and gush about how cute he is and it’s so sweet that he is so into one of them. I can never find the comic… but yeah, it’s all down to how the other party feels.
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