Image text: @agnieszkasshoes: “Part of what makes small talk so utterly debilitating for many of us who are neurodivergent is that having to smile and lie in answer to questions like, “how are you?” is exhausting to do even once, and society makes us do it countless times a day.”
@LuckyHarmsGG: “It’s not just the lie, it’s the energy it takes to suppress the impulse to answer honestly, analyze whether the other person wants the truth, realize they almost certainly don’t, and then have to make the DECISION to lie, every single time. Over and over. Decision fatigue is real”
@agnieszkasshoes: “Yes! The constant calculations are utterly exhausting - and all under the pressure of knowing that if you get it “wrong” you will be judged for it!”
My addition: For me, in addition to this, more specifically it’s the energy to pull up that info and analyze how I am. Like I don’t know the answer to that question and that’s why it’s so annoying. Now I need to analyze my day, decide what parts mean what to me and weigh the average basically, and then decide if that’s appropriate to share/if the person really wants to hear the truth of that, then pull up my files of pre-prepared phrases for the question that fits most closely with the truth since not answering truthfully is close to impossible for me.
https://www.instagram.com/p/CvPSP-2xU4h/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==
Yes I know, this is the lying
In Italian goodbye is arrivederci, that literally means “see you”. You are not going to see again a random guy at a highway gas station. Still the greeting is “see you”. This is how language work. Use of certain sentences evolves. It is just an agreement between parts.
“how is it going?” “not bad, and you” “not bad” “nice” “see ya”.
The meaning of the sentences is hi hi bye bye. No lying, both know the meaning, because someone thought them. When I went to UK someone explained me, if someone want to learn how it is done where I live, I’ll explain them. The goal is to demonstrate that people don’t dislike each other. How it is done is a cultural agreement
Your comment and responses feel a bit odd. They feel a bit antagonistic even though you acknowledged this space is for autistic people.
For me, I’m like how OP stated. Every time i am asked i have to analyze my day, compare it to past days, try to figure out how I feel (try doing that while also being alexithymic), and if I am overstimulated then that adds another layer of restraint because people do not want someone to say something like, “REAL GOOD!! DID YOU KNOW I JUST FOUND OUT THAT—” and go on a tirade for 5 or 10 minutes about the new hyperfixation or interest we have.
I also have a hard time lying. I don’t see the point of it. Why lie about my day? And if the answer is non important, why ask? It makes no sense to me. And keep in mind you are using an Italian example and mine is American. Two vastly different cultures and expectations.
Sorry I looked antagonistic, I was just here to chat. I didn’t see the community I was in, really. I saw the post on all feed and I wanted to engage.
That post is how I explain things. I am a bit pedantic unfortunately. Didn’t want to hurt anyone.
Also, if it helps, I would be very happy to hear 10 minutes about a topic someone is interested in. I like passionate people. I actually feel sorry for people who don’t talk passionately about something.
You can say “it’s going”, or “ehhh”. You don’t have to lie, just don’t dump all your problems on them
If I don’t go with a standard “Fine, thanks” I’ll go with “Better than most, not as good as some”. It’s not a lie, but it’s not saying much.