Image text: @agnieszkasshoes: “Part of what makes small talk so utterly debilitating for many of us who are neurodivergent is that having to smile and lie in answer to questions like, “how are you?” is exhausting to do even once, and society makes us do it countless times a day.”
@LuckyHarmsGG: “It’s not just the lie, it’s the energy it takes to suppress the impulse to answer honestly, analyze whether the other person wants the truth, realize they almost certainly don’t, and then have to make the DECISION to lie, every single time. Over and over. Decision fatigue is real”
@agnieszkasshoes: “Yes! The constant calculations are utterly exhausting - and all under the pressure of knowing that if you get it “wrong” you will be judged for it!”
My addition: For me, in addition to this, more specifically it’s the energy to pull up that info and analyze how I am. Like I don’t know the answer to that question and that’s why it’s so annoying. Now I need to analyze my day, decide what parts mean what to me and weigh the average basically, and then decide if that’s appropriate to share/if the person really wants to hear the truth of that, then pull up my files of pre-prepared phrases for the question that fits most closely with the truth since not answering truthfully is close to impossible for me.
https://www.instagram.com/p/CvPSP-2xU4h/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==
I struggle to remember things a loooot, and actually a calendar with multiple notifications really helps. It’s a trick to overcome the struggle. Same way as I struggle to write by hand, so writing with a simple text editor (emacs, vscode) in full screen mode helps me a lot. Another trick that works
I am old enough that adhd wasn’t even a thing where I come from, unfortunately.
What I am trying to say is that there is an easy algorithm to apply in this case that can be implemented:
if interlocutor.type in ("parent", "medical doctor"): return explain() else: return "not too bad, and you?"I am not saying this will help you or anyone, but this is the algorithm I use
We all know what to say. Since you didn’t understand anything I just said I’m tapping out. Please don’t comment in here again until you’ve taken more time to read and listen and observe.
Edit. I didn’t notice the community. This appeared on my “all” feed and I was just commenting as if it was any other thread.
I am sorry if someone may have felt offended.
I just wanted to casually chat, not judge, maybe help someone (who knows). I won’t be commenting further
You don’t need to apologize for an accident, man! Do you and comment as much as you want, it’s a free website. Don’t let this pickle person tell you what you can or can’t do
I apologize for my previous comment. It felt like you might be trolling and refusing to listen to explanations given to you by saying the same thing
This comment is really condescending. Not only did OP explain how it is related to biology, they even used your examples to describe how there isn’t a skill or trick to “fix it”. On top of that, you decide to give (unsolicited) advice.
This is an extremely typical experience most of us have. We try to explain something, and then we have a neurotypical ignore what was said and tell us how easy something is if we just do it THEIR WAY.
Sorry, I didn’t thought it was condiscending tone.
As a general experience if someone highlights a problem, other people replying with tricks on how they manage the same situation is not a problem. It is a way to chat as any other. That was my intention, just chat
Understood, I recognize my ignorance btw. Sorry if anyone felt offended