“In the entire dataset, 29% of men said they never approached a woman in person before. 27% said it had been more than one year. This was larger for men in the age 18-25 group: 45% had never approached a woman in person,” according to the study.
A majority of single males surveyed reported fear as the main reason they do not approach women for dates in person. Fear of rejection and fear of social consequences were the two most common responses.
The data highlights a growing concern in the United States and abroad — loneliness. A 2023 report from the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services found that almost half of U.S. adults report “measurable levels of loneliness.”
It’s interesting to say the least. It seems as though the social repercussions and rejection are the most profound reason. While the fear of rejection is easy enough to digest. But I think the fear or social consequences is a relatively new construct.
From what I understand it’s the fear of being viewed as a creep to approach a woman out of the blue. Which to me, is reasonable enough. But I don’t think I have ever heard my old man or anyone of his generation bringing this to the table.
Yet I do remember asking my friends about picking up hints and whether or not men are really that bad at it. And most them saying the just don’t want to risk misinterpreting it.
Perhaps there is an argument to be made that approaching women like this, has fallen out of social fashion. What do you guys think?
p.s. I hope this is casual enough of a conversation. I kinda screwed up my last one, I admit.
Edit: Here is a more detailed paper on the survey for those that are interested
Those are things that you can do alone. Do some things that you CAN’T do alone. Interact with people. A league. A club. A help group. Anything that isn’t solitary.
It’s good to have an idea of what you’re doing when you’re talking to someone, other than “trying to get laid” lol.
Listen when others are talking to you (MEN & WOMEN! you need the practice) for something personal they’re sharing. Try to ask a short follow-up question that allows them to elaborate.
While they’re talking just say something innocuous like “okay” so they know your there but you’re not interrupting. Let them talk. Nobody lets other people talk these days. We pay therapists so that someone will listen to us.
You’ll be a breath of fresh air if you listen to people. Treat their story like a privilege, because it is. The more they say to you, the more trust they are investing in you. So be worthy of it. And don’t worry about the end result.
Getting laid is what happens when you’re focused on someone else, not yourself.
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PS. It’s okay to be boring, but don’t be bored when people are talking to you.
I am an existentialist. Existence precedes essence.
I believe meaning is created in the world, it’s something we must make. I do not believe meaning is provided for us.
According to Friedrich Nietzsche, “He who has a WHY to live can bear almost any HOW.” We must determine the WHY. For Victor Frankel in “Man’s Search For Meaning,” the why was to survive the Nazi death camp and be reunited with his wife who was in another death camp.
We all must have our WHY, or we drift aimlessly through life. But the good things is, we are not meant to FIND the WHY, we are meant to CREATE it.