I have given up trying to find a girlfriend. Even though, I am outgoing, have hobbies (I dance, which is actually filled with women), go to parties, talk to plenty of women. But I keep hearing the same thing over and over again: “I am just not so into skinny guys.”
I think this is fair from the woman’s perspective. I for one am only motivated to date attractive women. So, them not wanting to settle for less actually makes very good sense to me. There is absolutely no hate or bitterness regarding that. Fuck all that: ‘all women are whores’-noise.
That being said, I think I should just consider myself celibate by virtue of my own standards. But now bitterness is starting to take hold of me. Bitterness about my life and to me as a person. As I said I am very outgoing and don’t want to become the cynical asshole around my friends.
So how do I stop this?
Edit: I go to the gym on a regular basis.
‘I never want to make it obvious’
This is a huge red flag to women, what you’re essentially doing is trying to create a power imbalance where you maintain the safe and defended position of acting not interested while they take all the social risk of putting themselves out there. This gives you a much better position in any conversation or disagreement and it allows you to hold the power of humiliation over their head - a situation no one wants to be in.
The fact you’re targeting women in this way that you feel are more attractive than you exacerbates it because it makes it seem that you don’t really care about them at all and just want to tick the hot gf box.
People often say that women hit on men in happy relationships and this is somewhat true but not because they’re horny homewreckers but because the guy has stopped acting creepy and manipulative towards them and just seem like decent normal people. When you say you don’t flirt what you mean is difficult to tell because you’re obviously targeting these women and talking to them, even asking them out and getting rejected apparently so I don’t know what you’re actually doing but it’s not acting normal, friendly, and like you consider them anything but a target to throw your Pokeball at.
No one, including you, wants to date someone that doesn’t make them feel good and add to their lives in a positive and joyful way - in what world does ‘you’re hotter than me therefore I want you as a possession I can have sex with’ make someone feel any of those things? That’s the vibe they’re getting when you refuse to give them even just flirting, who is going to say ‘oh i met this guy, he’s cold to me and makes me kinda feel awkward I can’t wait to spend more time with him’
Make someone feel good, enjoy spending time with you, and demonstrate that you’re the sort of person worth getting to know better - which by the way includes being open to self change and personal improvement. Let them see that they will be happier in a relationship with you than not being in a relationship with you.
And this means also that you have to find someone that will be happier in a relationship with you, women aren’t interchangeable and they exist on a much more complex scale than ‘hot body = value’ which is where your head seems to be stuck, looks are one of the least important parts of a relationship which is lucky for a skinny ballet arms boy like you… you need someone you can talk to, can laugh with, can feel safe with, can grow and explore with.
And yes if you don’t want that sort of relationship and want a woman that only cares about outward appearance then get jacked and earn a shit load of money, seems like a miserable life to me but I’m in love with a fat woman (who I admit is very attractive) because we understand each other and support each other and enjoy each other in ways I never even knew possible - we bonded over shared interests, fell in love over long and tender conversations, and worked through difficulties by being honest and caring.
What I meant was I don’t make it obvious not because I want to make them feel unloved or something but to prevent making them feel uncomfortable. I talk and treat everyone like we’re just friends (because for the most part we just are). If the woman from her end shows she’s interested in me than I try and go along with it.
But I am here to learn, so could you then please tell me how do you properly flirt with someone then?