Been into sissy porn, captions, etc for a few years. Ever since the pandemic I started to consume more porn and started to really crave being a sissy, suck a cock and being fucked. It got to the point where I opened a kik and started flirting with men online to make them cum.
Given how much fun and horny that made me I finally caved and decided to get grindr, message a few men until one made me feel safe enough and we agreed to meet up on his lunch break. He came over, pulled his cock out, I got on my knees and began to suck. I was a proper porn whore, his cock was all sloppy from my spit by the time he finished in my mouth and I drank it all.
I’m not exactly having regrets but I also don’t feel anything in particular. Like it felt hollow, my cock never even got hard during the blow job (though I did make a wet spot in my panties). I don’t know if I just hyped it up too much in my head because of all the hypno and captions saying I would feel addicted. So now I’m just wondering if I really am a sissy or this was just a fantasy that should be kept online. Any opinions or insights are appreciated
I do consider myself non-binary and do enjoy dressing up even beyond just feeling excited or aroused from it. I wasn’t dressed up for that experience, other than me wearing panties and having shaved.
However your reply has helped me put into perspective, I do enjoy being submissive even in roleplay to both men (in RP since this was my first ever experience with one) and women, who I’ve been with before and always enjoy them taking charge.
And no, I don’t feel grossed out nor do I regret sucking a cock, I just have fears of being exposed which I think are fairly normal in this situation with a complete stranger. I do think your last point is key here, there was no talk and other than when he grabbed me to bust his load, I couldn’t even tell if I was doing a good job.
I think your assessment is accurate here, as someone who has experienced the same thing. It might be beneficial to try meeting up with someone whom you feel a connection with and is willing to take the time to communicate effectively.