I think this applies to me too. Being properly medicated helps. End of the day though I’m not really sure what would “make me happy.” Personally, I’d like to reduce stressors and spend more time being creative. I usually don’t have the mental capacity to stay focused enough after work.

I do get glimpses of happiness. I’m probably more in touch with my vulnerable side, though. Finding something that will release some water from my eyes always gets backfilled with a feeling of relief and joy. Last time I got high and watched the boy the mole the fox and the horse, I was balling. It felt good. I just hope you don’t take pride in the hardened shell that’s grown around you. You’ll never be motivated to chisel away at it.