Rant/sob story/need a kick in the backside:

I’ve fallen into the same trap my father fell into. At 40 years old, I’ve spent the last 15 years prioritizing my work and career over family, relationships and life in general. It’s left me fat, weak, and scrambling to avoid depression.

I feel like I’ve wasted so much time, and I don’t know where to go from here. Back in school, making friends and having new hobbies came almost effortlessly. Now, I work 10 hour days and end up working on the couch while mindlessly watching TV. Weekends I spend working a side gig or gaming.

I know the solution is to pick something interesting (like strength training at the gym) and just try it. I’m one of those people who needs to be perfect at something the first time, because reasons. I’ve been meaning to hit the gym regularly for years now, but I find myself falling off the wagon within days.

How do you maintain the discipline required to keep going to the gym?

  • @dazedandconfusedEnglish
    3•11 months ago

    Bro I was on a similar path for much of my 30s. I was just talking today about how the pandemic made it way worse since I had nowhere to go so I just kept working. I’m going to tell you things you already know. I think seeing them written out will help:

    • No more side work, okay? Pause it if you can. Quit it if you must. Do whatever it takes to get away from it.
    • You want to gym? First off pick a gym like and actually want to go to. My local Equinox is super bougie, and has great showers and that’s important to me. Also everyone there is a gym rat/super hot which I find motivating/enjoyable. Maybe do their group classes instead of going it alone. Bonus that you’ll slowly get more social, too.
    • You can’t make the habit stick? Put some skin into the commitment. My sister set up twice-a-week personal training for months, and as a widow mom of 2 after her husband committed suicide, it was exactly what she needed to get back to the gym. Not because she needed to know what to do, though that helped, but because she now had a commitment to be there to meet her trainer.
    • Are you sad? DOCTORS NOW. We’re about the same age and this is when things can go downhill if you don’t pay attention. Talk to your PCP about all of your issues and concerns. If they don’t listen find someone better. Go to the dentist, dermatologist, whatever I know you’ve been putting off. Also yes start therapy now before you get depression. I was on that path for a while and it sucked.
    • Sad and fat? I’ve also been there. Don’t be afraid of medication. I tried wegovy, which did not work for me, but does work for many. Now I’m on TRT for almost 6 months and I feel like a new man. In addition to getting in better shape, I’m way more confident, outgoing, and “at ease”. Point is: be open to medication of any kind if it’s going to help treat you and make you better.
    • “Needs to be perfect at something the first time?” Fuck that. Fuck it so so hard. You really buried the lede, bro. You’re 40, you’re too old to be thinking like a kid. If you need to overcome that mentality, start small, get lessons, and consider reading a book like “Flying Without a Net” to figure out how fucked up that is, and what to do about it. This isn’t just an obstacle for the gym; it’s an obstacle for social stuff and probably even work stuff. Nip this in the bud NOW. I’m sorry for being harsh here, I’m kind of triggered because this is a weakness of mine I have to consciously work to overcome every day, and it took harsh words from those around me to finally understand it.

    You got this, bro. You really do. I think Lemmy has a message function, so you msg me any time. We can with on a game plan, share stories, or I can just yell at you some more. Whatever you need.

    • nearhatOPEnglish
      2•11 months ago

      This hit home, hard. Thank you. I quit the side gig yesterday. Scheduled a doctor’s appointment for next week. Tempted to go the Planet Fitness route because it’s cheap, but I’m going to check out Gold’s or another local gym today to find personal training rates. The cycle ends now.

      • @dazedandconfusedEnglish
        2•11 months ago

        Awesome. How do you feel?

        My offer stands. Even if all you do is update us (good and bad) in a few weeks, I would appreciate that.

        • nearhatOPEnglish
          2•11 months ago

          I still need to figure out direct messaging, since I’m using the vger.app client. Though, if there’s no objection from the wider Bros, I can also send out weekly posts.

        • nearhatOPEnglish
          2•11 months ago

          I’m not going to lie to you. I feel uncomfortable. Maybe a little scared. And I want to say “deep down I know it’s what I need to do”, but that’s a cliché, and I use those to deflect discomfort and awkwardness. So I’ll say that I’m taking it one day at a time.

          • @dazedandconfusedEnglish
            2•11 months ago

            Discomfort for this stuff means you’re growing. We only grow outside our comfort zone.

            I don’t totally understand, but I will say that cliches become cliches because they have a universal nature. If someone gives you grief (even yourself) for using a cliche, I think you should use it anyway.