This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ivystar1 on 2023-08-18 20:07:39+00:00.

Hey everyone I’ll try to keep this brief so I’m F23 and my bf is M34 we’ve been dating for about a year now and we live together. The past 3-4 months have been a lot of ups and downs. My bf is in his residency program and works long hours (usually 6 days a week 12-15hr shifts unless he’s on an elective month then he has more of a 9-5 schedule). The first 6 months everything went smoothly he was amazing at making the most of his free time always made me feel like a priority by planning dates once a week either at home or going out and always texting me throughout the day letting me know he was thinking of me, missed me, etc. However, this has almost come to a full stop the past 3-4 months… I’ve brought this up maybe 3 times & they quickly turn into arguments where he gets defensive and says how tired/ overworked he is & that I’m being too needy. Now I understand he works a lot, but my issue is from my pov he has stopped putting in effort since what I’m asking for are all things he used to do. Another thing our sex life is nonexistent now. We used to have sex maybe 5 days a week now 1x a month if that. I’ve asked him if there’s anything I’m doing wrong or if he’s not attracted to me anymore & he just says he’s tired & doesn’t want to talk about it. Now the tip of the iceberg for me was our anniversary. I was very excited to celebrate & we talked about getting gifts for each other & having a day planned to celebrate. I wanted to make sure we were on the same page rather than assuming. He got me nothing & this really hurt my feelings. This might seem shallow but I enjoy getting gifts from people bc they put effort into picking something out for me that they thought i would like. He didn’t even get me a card. Which we have talked about before cards are very important to me bc i save them and read them whenever I’m feeling down. He did this same thing on my birthday as well. I expressed that he hurt my feelings and 2 days later he got me a card and some roses and promised to plan a whole day of activities for us to do. Well that day turned into him sleeping all day and us just getting dinner. We still haven’t had sex in about a month so not even on our anniversary. Anyways, I’m not sure what to do at this point I’ve expressed how i feel and what is important to me and he has continued to ignore it. Not sure what to do at this point so I’m posting here for advice on how to handle the situation or if there’s something that I’m not seeing that others see. I tried to give context on what has led up to the anniversary to show the current state of our relationship.

TLDR: I’m F23 & my bf M34 has stopped planning dates, communicating with me throughout the day, and our sex life has almost stopped completely. I’ve brought this up with him a few times which always leads to arguments.