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I wanted to tell a joke here, but all the good jokes argon.
That was such a noble thing to admit.
it didnt get a reaction out of me
You could say you were inert to my attempt at humor.
The original joke was pure Gold, but these later ones are just Boron me
K
I was going to tell a sodium joke, but Na.
Is that a mother fucking Warframe reference?
Yesss, someone finally caught it!
It wasn’t me it was my friend next to me :p
Well then, my greetings to you and your adjascent friend! :) Good catch!
We can’t lick sodium or chlorine, but combine them and you get something we literally make blocks of for the purpose of licking. What a world!
One is bad in one way and the other is bad in the opposite way.
Neutralize!
Remind your cousin Becky about this when she starts going on about mercury compounds in vaccines
This is like the nile red videos where hes like “plastic gloves are essentially grape fruit” and then proceeds to make it.
But does this imply licking it in a “lickable” state? I have a hard time imagining licking a gas, and licking hydrogen as a liquid at -250 C or so sounds, not great.
Depending on the quantity and the leidenfrost effect, you might be fine
One could say you are licking gasses right now
That’s hilarious because me and my brother licked lead fishing weights for fun as a child. It’s probably why I’m retarded.
Can someone make one for suitability as dildo material?
Edit: Here it is, chumps
How is bromine “probably fine”? It should be in the rectal damage section.
Calcium should probably be in the “Ow, my ass” section.
There are a bunch wrong. Feel free to go crazy with it.
Edit: NEW VERSION IS UP Yay
Better, but still a few issues.
Promethium, radium, curium, and Californium are all radioactive enough to cause rectal damage. Conversely, I don’t think phosphorus (black or red) or selenium are reactive enough to cause much harm.
Thank you for your contributions to this
You’re welcome!
awesome contribution
A nobel prize would be given to a lot more of those. Especially those naturally brittle or liquid.
I guess it’s only implied but any liquid is inserted as a solid - e.i. below its melting point. It’s assumed anything crumbly has a suitable binding agent.
A few of them are definitely wrong as has been pointed out to me but I’m glad we’re all learning about science!
Gallium would be an interesting suppository.
Magnificent!
Lithium, Sodium etc. need to be upped to “please reconsider.” Calcium and all the lanthanides are also metals I would not advise licking because theyre very reactive. Promethium is especially dangerous due to its radioactivity with its longest lived isotope having a half life of around 17 years. So not only is it reactive, youd die to the radiation too.
Lithium is just gonna be a little fizzy like pop rocks. No explosions, thankfully. The LiOH produced would not be fun for you, but probably won’t hurt anyone else.
Lithium salts are used to treat bipolar. The metal isnt just reacting with the water on your tongue to create a very strong base (and lots of heat), you are also going to be ingesting that Lithium (as a lithium soap as it reacts with oils and fats) which can have different (unpleasant) effects on you depending on how much was ingested. If your kidney function is impaired, it gets worse.
Please don’t lick elemental hydrogen.
Out of curiosity, what would happen if you do?
In the hypothetical, if one were able to lick elemental hydrogen in its atomic, rather than molecular form, it would have a few potential effects. The one that would concern me most would be its aggressive reactivity, ripping hydrogens away from anything that it could in order to achieve stability. This would potentially cause tissue damage both from the deprotonation and shift in pH.
What would cause the shift in pH? The atomic hydrogen would rip off H· radicals, not H+ ions.
It would be more likely a secondary or tertiary effect. That is, H• radicals ripped away from their parent molecules would leave •OH, •R, and •RNH radicals. These are unstable and highly reactive, “desiring” to have that stable electron configuration. Likely, this will result in electrons being shifted to bring in more stable species, like OH-. Overall, we’re looking at effectively a deprotonation of the saliva, with extra intermediary steps to stabilize the radicals.
Interesting. Given that H• is a neutral species, what would cause the preference for the creation of stable negative species (freeing up H+) over the creation of stable positive species (freeing up OH-)?
Neutral as far as pH is concerned, yes. However, radicals tend to be very reactive due to their valance not being full. I am a bit rusty, TBH, as I’m about a decade and a half out of uni but, the best way to predict the products of the reaction is to look at the high-level of the equation:
H• (excess) + H••OH + H••R + H••N-R -> H2(g) + •OH + •R + •N-RAll of the products of the initial reaction here are radicals except for the H2 molecules. They all are going to further react to form more stable species with full valances, with possible exception being the molecular hydrogen. Because the elemental hydrogen is introduced as a radical rather than protons (H+ ions) in the solution, the final products are likely to be more negatively charged, neutral, and/or have some interesting hydrogen additions, especially in the hydrocarbons and amino acids.
For example, there could be reactions like:
R• + •OH + •N-R -> R-OH + HO-N-ROverall, however, the amount of free hydrogen/protons is likely to be reduced as they are effectively removed from solution as hydrogen gas.
Because the elemental hydrogen is introduced as a radical rather than protons (H+ ions) in the solution, the final products are likely to be more negatively charged
This is the part I don’t understand. If charge is conserved, why would there be a preference for a particular charge in the products?
Nothing, because you can have only one atom of it. Multiple will just form molecular hydrogen H2. That one hydrogen atom will aggressively rip of another hydrogen of a molecule of water for example, but it won’t be noticeable.
I’d bump up cesium, rubidium, and probably potassium to “please reconsider”, as I would not want to stand near you
A decent chunk of these are “how would you even?” and a few others are “you’re doing it right now.”
Lithium is only yellow??
It’s literally medicine in small doses
Those are lithium compounds and not elemental lithium?
Good question
Medicinal lithium is a salt, not the raw metal.
Indeed
Uranium is only yellow for some reason
I fully agree with it being yellow. By far, the most common isotope of uranium is uranium-238, which is indeed radioactive, but not dangerously radioactive. In this list, lead is listed as a yellow because it can give you heavy metal poisoning. In this scenario, the uranium would cause more damage to your body by damaging it as lead would (heavy metal poisoning affecting brain, kidneys, liver, etc) before the radiation would ever have an impact on your body.
But would it be elemental prior to licking or oxidized as usual? Because one is still significantly worse than the other and looking at lithium very much suggests elemental uranium!
deleted by creator
Lick my As! You chemists can’t stop me from slobbering on every element.
The elements can defend themselves. You lick whatever you want, buddy.
Instructions unclear for isotopes
What if I want to lick U-235?
They’re all lickable, it’s just that some you can only lick once.
Ah, a modest variation of the mushroom forager’s creed
My pet peeve is when people say “everything is edible once” instead of “eatable”. No, everything is not edible once, that’s the point of the word!
Lickable though, now we’re in business.
Some can be licked multiple times, but may cause various degrees of pain and suffering.
But Lead tastes so good!
I wonder what metallic Sodium tastes like…
It tastes like hot hydrogen gas (that will quickly mix with oxygen and taste like superheated steam).
If that doesn’t get ya, it would taste like sodium hydroxide, and also soap. (The soap is from the hydroxide turning the fats in your cells into soap.)
It tastes like pain.
Yes you can!
Can I lick it?
Green - yes, you can!
Yellow, Red, Purple - no, you can’t!
I think yellow is actually fine - a lick is 3 seconds of contact maximum and you’re not sucking on it or ingesting it…
Lithium’s the only one you’ll ingest decent quantities of and it’s just gonna taste fizzy and soapy with no real lasting damage, stuff like lead you won’t even ingest and even if you did it’d probably be fine in such low quantities, even mercury is probably ok to lick if you’re careful
That said, with the radioactive ones you need to be careful of what isotope and sample size you’re licking, so licking a huge ingot of U235 would probably do some lasting damage just by being near it, but licking a small piece of U238 is more than likely fine so long as it’s solid and not dust
I’d be careful with emitters that are primarily alpha radiation like U238. It’s easy to dismiss them because they’re fat diabeetus particles that are simple to stop, but the flip side of that is that they are nasty when they’re not stopped. They’re a big fat thing going really, really fast, and whatever they hit is going to take a lot of damage.
Maybe the saliva on your tongue will stop it? If your tongue is relatively dry, though, you could very easily get tongue cancer.
Purple - I don’t think it’s possible to do that.
