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For one of my friends even though he was on my steam friend’s list, and I could see him as a friend on the HD friend list, I had to accept a friend request from him in HD’s pending invites section for the game to consider him a friend, and that allowed him to join our friends only games.
It’s likely you have the same issue, whatever the reason
The friends thing is weird. I have a pending invite to a friend and I’m already appearing in his list as a friend ans he can’t accept the invite. So we have to set it to public, join, set it to friends only to avoid randos.
Weird, I was able to accept mine, even though he was already my friend, it just made us friends on his side as well. It must be broken in more than one way