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The Picard Maneuver@lemmy.world to Funny@sh.itjust.works · 1 year ago

Chicago Man is ungovernable

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Chicago Man is ungovernable

lemmy.world

The Picard Maneuver@lemmy.world to Funny@sh.itjust.works · 1 year ago
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  • Mostly_Gristle@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    If this dude figured out how to lift a full size duty weapon out of a retention holster using nothing but a plastic dino-grabber then he deserves to keep those guns.

    • kryptonianCodeMonkey@lemmy.world
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      1 year ago

      That’s the only reason, I think, that he was able to “repeatedly” do it instead of being arrested after the first time. Cop was so impressed that he managed it, he let him off with a warning and a handshake. Once is cool. Twice is funny. Three times is getting annoying. Fourth time is kind of embarrassing to the officers at this point. And fifth time is too far.

      • octopus_ink@lemmy.ml
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        1 year ago

        Fourth time is kind of embarrassing to the officers at this point.

        Isn’t the first time kind of embarrassing for them? If not, shouldn’t it be?

      • Legend@lemmy.sdf.org
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        1 year ago

        Sixth time is getting shot .

        • Ech@lemm.ee
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          1 year ago

          Non-white US citizen - “You all are getting a sixth time?”

          • Legend@lemmy.sdf.org
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            1 year ago

            Any people at this point also dogs too maybe some other creatures humans love too if they got time .

            • nilloc@discuss.tchncs.de
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              1 year ago

              They’ve got time, it’s more a question of how many bullets they have left.

    • Socsa@sh.itjust.works
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      1 year ago

      I doubt these were retention holsters. It wouldn’t surprise me if he was doing it specifically to draw attention to how many cops are walking around with non-approved holsters.

      • SSTF@lemmy.world
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        1 year ago

        It turns out that the explanation is even simpler. It simply never happened.

  • SSTF@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    Annnnnnnnd…it’s fake.

    Original mugshot source.

    (I’m aware I’m fact checking a shitpost, but wow people just instantly believe shitposts, so here we are.)

    • chicken@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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      1 year ago

      It is a deliberately deceptive shitpost, most of the humor is based on the assumption the article is real.

    • Anticorp@lemmy.world
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      1 year ago

      Gosh dang it! Stop stealing our dreams!

      Edit: I just clicked the link. Damn, man. Two people’s lives destroyed in an instant. How hard does this eyebrow dude hit? Is he a professional boxer or something?

      • Cypher@lemmy.world
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        1 year ago

        It’s easier than you think. Most often it’s when they fall and hit their head on the ground after being knocked out.

        • Anticorp@lemmy.world
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          1 year ago

          Some drunk dude wanted to fight me at a nightclub once so I went outside to smoke a cigarette and give him some space. He followed me outside and swung on me. I just dodged his drunk-ass hook, and he spun himself all the way around, lost his balance, and fell. When he fell his head hit a brick planter, and the sound it made was disturbing. I do not think he was okay. But I didn’t stick around to find out. I didn’t even touch him, so I just went back inside. I saw an ambulance out there some time later, and I’m assuming it was for Mr. Drunk boxer guy. He kicked his own ass.

    • Joe Cool@lemmy.ml
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      1 year ago

      Darnold told deputies that he walked into the convenience store and bought cigarettes. When he walked out, Aryafar asked him for a “smoke.” Darnold offered him a cigarette, but Aryafar allegedly wanted weed.

      When he said he didn’t have any to sell, the two said expletives to one another and moved on.
      Moments later, Amir allegedly walked toward the car Dardnold was in. He got out of the vehicle, punched Aryafar once, which knocked him down, and then got back in the car with his girlfriend and drove off.

      That story of Dar(d)nold and Ayafar has somehow more typos than the shitpost. At least it isn’t AI.

  • [email protected]@sh.itjust.works
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    1 year ago

  • rustyfish@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    Chicago man is like Florida man but with a genius mind.

    He has a plan.

    We are all doomed.

    • massive_bereavement@kbin.social
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      1 year ago

      Chicago and Florida man, Chicago and Florida man,
      One is a genius, the other’s insaine

      • DickFiasco@lemm.ee
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        1 year ago

        What are we going to do tonight, Chicago man?

        • rustydomino@lemmy.world
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          1 year ago

          Same thing we do every night, Florida man: EAT DEEP DISH PIZZA

          • JJROKCZ@lemmy.world
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            1 year ago

            We goin to giordanos of course!

  • teft@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    What type of holsters are these jokers using? Any normal cop holster should have a 2 or 3 distinct hand motions to unholster their gun. That means pushing it down and twisting or something to that effect. You shouldn’t be able to just lift a cops gun out of his holster, for good reason.

    • SSTF@lemmy.world
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      1 year ago

      Fake story.

    • Patapon Enjoyer@lemmy.world
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      1 year ago

      They gotta have easily accessible in case they need to shoot a 14 year old

      • sugar_in_your_tea@sh.itjust.works
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        1 year ago

        Especially if that 14 yo is black.

    • FluffyPotato@lemm.ee
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      1 year ago

      Aren’t American cops notoriously dumb? What if they couldn’t get the holster open normally so they got an easier one. I choose to believe that.

      • OneWomanCreamTeam@sh.itjust.works
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        1 year ago

        They are pretty dumb, but they also get rock fucking hard for their equipment. Honestly seems pretty unlikely.

  • garbagebagel@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    Had to keep rereading because my brain kept seeing “toy dildo grabber”

    • WhiskyTangoFoxtrot@lemmy.world
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      1 year ago

      I mean, you could probably use it for that, too.

  • Nopenopenopenope
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    1 year ago

    For those that care, this (while funny in concept) is fake.

    Here’s where this man’s photo is from:

    https://lawandcrime.com/crime/the-guy-got-pretty-f-ed-up-7-11-customer-allegedly-killed-man-in-parking-lot-with-single-punch-to-the-head/

    • brown567@sh.itjust.works
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      1 year ago

      Oof

  • some_guy@lemmy.sdf.org
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    1 year ago

    Removed by mod

    • SSTF@lemmy.world
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      1 year ago

      It’s actually the face of a man who got in a fight outside of a 7-11 that lead to a death. A real folk hero.

      • some_guy@lemmy.sdf.org
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        Removed by mod

  • Gork@lemm.ee
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    1 year ago

    repeatedly? lol what

    • ID411@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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      1 year ago

      deleted by creator

      • ID411@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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        deleted by creator

  • unexposedhazard@discuss.tchncs.de
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    1 year ago

    Tbh if that works on the gun holster, then maybe the cop or whoever equipped him should be arrested.

  • VicksVaporBBQrub@sh.itjust.worksM
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    1 year ago

    There’s an entire industrial position waiting for this guy’s unique skill set. Heavy lift manipulator\grabbers!

    • Sidhean@lemmy.world
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      1 year ago

      Finally: Adult Dino Grabbies

  • Fedizen@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    he did nothing wrong

  • supersquirrel@sopuli.xyz
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    1 year ago

    Wow, this is such a biased take ughhh, let me rewrite this in proper newspeak.

    “Last saturday an officers gun ejected from their holster after making contact with a dino toy grabber, the man holding the dino toy grabber retracted their arm from the situation and the firearm was taken along with the toy grabber. The man holding the dino toy testified in court the other day that he felt he had no other choice but to retract the dino grabber once the situation escalated from a playful dino bite to a potential non-armed dino bite attack and the firearm was unfortunately stuck in the jaws of the toy dino grabber which caused it to also be retracted. The police officer was not questioned for comment and had $500 dollars in their wallet at the time which was confiscated by local anarchists who believed the money was most certainly involved in some kind of illegal crimes at some point (a practice that surely would not be legal in a civilized society).”

    • MadBob@feddit.nl
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      1 year ago

      $500 dollars

      “Five-hundred-dollar dollars”

      • supersquirrel@sopuli.xyz
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        1 year ago

        You got me, I have a mediocre command of the english language and I feel well about it.

      • Fedizen@lemmy.world
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        1 year ago

        its 500 double dollars

        • ThunderclapSasquatch@startrek.website
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          Dimmadollars invented by Doug Dimmadome

  • KillingTimeItself@lemmy.dbzer0.comBanned
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    Removed by mod

    • wildcardology@lemmy.world
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      1 year ago

      Much easier to pull the gun and shoot somebody.

  • Panda (he/him)@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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    1 year ago

    🤨

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