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The laser thing, it’s just so out of this world! I actually dug deeper and and it’s somehow connected to volcanoes. They don’t actually exist, but those giant hills are actually from excavating caves for building Deep Underground Military Bases (D.U.M.B.S, you can’t make that shit up). The lasers then shoot into the hills so then you have magma and shit.
This reads like somewhere out there, some random teenager got baked as fuck playing Missile Command and decided to troll that one asshole MAGA uncle nobody wanted to invite to Thanksgiving and things just spiraled completely out of hand.
That’s my favorite conspiracy acronym lol