It’s an interesting look inside the mind of an incel (it’s all told from his perspective), but like I said, it is brutal. It doesn’t hold anything back. I think it’s worth it anyway, but I thought I would warn people now.
There is at least a portion of this that is just laziness, pretty much everyone but the richest and most attractive people have to work for companionship. It has become more difficult for everyone else in the past 10-ish years as our society has become increasingly atomized socially but that’s as much quarter as I’m willing to give these women hating assholes who want a sex and chore slave instead of a relationship
But is the laziness a product of the depression that comes from the self-loathing and the social anxiety?
Make no mistake, I’m no more excusing their behavior than Frank Edward is, but getting inside their minds might just be able to give people the tools to talk someone they know out of committing something horrific.
Oh I’m agreeing with you overall, just trying to show how poorly constructed their own perspective is, and while the depression and anxiety is obviously contributing, the underlying issue for both of those conditions for many is that our society has become completely segmented. People in my experience are not looking to expand their social circles and in general do not trust people outside of their circles.
Do many incels have clinical conditions that they don’t get treatment for because of toxic masculinity and have their perspectives reinforced by shitbags like Andrew Tate that prey on them? No doubt 100%. But I don’t think under diagnosed and treated mental health issues tell the whole story. And that is coming from someone who’s is chronically depressed, anxious, frighteningly single, who also has few friends because of a recent cross country relocation. The only people I blame for this are those at the levers of power that have been driving us in this direction for quite some time
Well, I’m not sure I like it, but there’s definitely some good writing going on there. The character is internally consistent, and it’s believable within that context. That’s not as minor a compliment as it might seem.
Crafting a character that’s believable within a story is a fuck ton harder than it looks, even for short fiction.
And it matches with real life experiences I’ve had with incels, and with non incels that had bad patches.
It’s no fucking joke that regular human contact, physical contact, is a basic need. And having it come from a partner is a different kind of fulfillment for anyone that is sexual and/or romantic. There are people that don’t have those specific needs, but even they still have the need to be properly embraced for who they are, as they are.
Being touch starved is a horrible thing. I’ve experienced it to a limited degree while I was recovering from an injury, dumped by a partner, and with the handful of people I would normally hug and touch with affection being unavailable. With all of the crap going on, not having good physical contact was brutal. And I wasn’t even entirely without touch, it was just severely limited by the combination of my physical limits, and the availability of my support network at the time.
Skin hunger, touch starvation, it fucking eats at you, even as an adult with self awareness and a long history of having good people around you.
Someone stuck in it the way that character was? With nobody to help pull him out of it, I can totally believe that charges character. And there’s plenty of people that will either not recognize a helping hand, or will outright reject it.
Even with great friends, friends I can cuddle with, there’s still something more to cuddling with a partner. No sex involved, just being in contact, watching a movie and chilling, there is a different kind of fulfillment there that nothing else matches. I can very easily see a spiral into a homicidal state when someone is starved of that, of even the hope of it.
That’s why I think the comic is well written. It’s believable, and I’m just amazed it doesn’t happen often in the real world.
Also, just like in real life, I could see points in the story where one helping hand could have changed it all. Just like in real life, the chances of it being offered amd accepted aren’t high. Once a person starts spiraling, they become very difficult to be around. They’re less and less tolerable as it continues. If they can’t or won’t take the hand offered to them and use it to pull themselves out of the spiral, it won’t even work. So they’re getting worse, and you have to eventually decide if you can endure them when they simply don’t shift their perception.
So, I guess what I’m saying is that this was a great fucking post! Has me thinking, and thinking hard. Thanks for sharing it
It’s no fucking joke that regular human contact, physical contact, is a basic need.
I would disagree on this aspect; I am pretty touch averse myself and last I checked I am still human. Maybe some folks feel they require a certain degree of intimacy, but I don’t think we should count this as a universal truth and give any credence to the notion that incels are entitled to intimate contact as a basic need.
Disagree all you want, but there’s some good research behind that, and I never, ever said anyone is entitled to intimate contact.
Normally, I’d go digging for enough links to make the point, but you seem to have misread what I wrote, so I’m not willing to put that kind of time into this for a stranger that’s putting words in my mouth.
Secondary to that, you being touch averse is irrelevant to the issue tbh. I’m touch averse outside of very close friends and some family. Even the autistic people I know well enough to talk to have the need for touch to some degree, even when they can only handle it in small doses infrequently, with an even smaller number of people they can take it from. There’s always outliers, and you could well be one of them.
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Holy Insecurity, Batman! Ugly people find love all the fucking time. “I’m ugly, so no woman will ever touch me, so I am sad and alone.” What a crock of shit.
Maybe a crock of shit, but that is how incels think.
I don’t doubt it. You know the saying, “everybody is the hero in their own story.” I was hoping to gain some insight or relatable thought processes.
Like, imagine watching American History X, but instead of a spiraling cycle of hate and redemption, it’s just a guy alone in a room going “Fuck, I hate minorities. Minorities are just the worst. I hate them so much I think I will kill a bunch of people.”
If you begin with “females will never touch me because of my big nose and weak chin, so I will call them ‘whores’ online” then you’re already looking at a diseased mind with no redeeming qualities.
I hate to tell you, but the people who commit the atrocities are the ones who hide alone in a room hating themselves for years until they snap.
Just to back up your point, I’m probably the most gorgeous person ever born, but I don’t have a romantic partner
you can’t say something like that and not have a link to your onlyfans in your profile or something, smh
If I was on OnlyFans, no-one else would stand a chance
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I’m ugly as shit, and my wife is gorgeous.
Probably saying too much about me, but I feel for him for most of the first 8 pages. I’m in my 30s and I feel like everything has past me and I’ll never have been loved how I want to be in my life. Some of those experiences like encountering someone who tears you down without meaning to can also rot in your head for a decade. I’ve never wanted revenge though. I have wanted to do something if I saw some of them again, but what I wanted to do was ask why my demeanor bothered them. I just would like them to help me improve myself. I don’t deserve a response though. I’ve even had some positive moments with some women as friends, without expecting anything more. I know how a lot of the other thoughts can burn in your head. I’m fortunate. I have a few close friends who are real people, and I make a good salary. I like to think I’m a good person, and my friends tell me I’m an attractive enough man. I don’t really know what makes a man attractive myself. It doesn’t translate directly into a good relationship. I think I missed something that I never can get back. It may just be time. Maybe it’s the fact that I’ve had good friends that kept me grounded. I think this explains these kind of people’s feelings well. It’s easy to get into these traps of thinking it’s all about money and appearance. Don’t blame others for it, sometimes it happens, or sometimes it’s something undescribable. Or blame the way corporate America has set up dating apps. I swear I must have spent over 10,000 dollars to these greed holes over the past ten years.
This. The idea that being shit on, or denied affection is somehow justification for anything besides maybe a drinking problem is where this entire narrative breaks down. And breaks down in a way which seems extremely obvious imo.
This is something literally every adult human goes through at some point. Everyone has been disrespected. Everyone has been denied affection. Everyone has experienced loss and disappointment. Normal people understand that the world is shitty and cruel and move on from it. It only seems like they have a perfect life because you only see the success they’ve cultivated in spite of their own adversity. Being an incel is the belief that adversity somehow places the world in debt to you.
It hurts my heart to think that there’s so much negative self-talk and so few avenues for human interaction available to humans, regardless of age. Misanthropy toward oneself invariably leads to the same hate projected onto others.
Misogyny has developed into something of a sport in the current frame. There are so many forms of misogyny that it’s getting difficult to keep track:
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“how dare they seek equal status as men” — in educational, economical, or authoritative power.
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“how dare the deny a man access” — for ogling, groping, or raping.
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“how dare they speak among men” — communicating, captivating, and commanding in the domain of ideas.
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“how dare they take control” — of their own bodies, of their own thoughts and feelings, and of their own roles in society.
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“how dare they make any demand” — for justice, for peace, for sustainability, or for care in the community.
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“how dare they corrupt our culture” — one that relegated women to the nursery, the laundry, the kitchen, and the boudoir in service of men.
Some people immerse themselves in hate and are, primarily, driven by the motivating clarity of hate. The statistics bear it out. It is primarily men who violently inflict hate.
Sure, there’s therapy, but what sense is there in having one, 50 minute safe space per week or month — for those who can afford it — against a relentless tide of destructive ideation? In the chauvinistic “West,” advertisers, marketers, television executives, filmmakers, pornographers, and politicians all drive the singular narrative — be better. You still won’t be good enough. People have limitless access to shit that will make them feel worse and few outlets to make them feel better. For some youth, the Incel subculture is going to get pretty crowded. The world is often a sickening, imbalanced, thoughtless, and uncaring place.
It is also a place capable of inspiring wonder, exhibiting grace, and delivering monumental challenges. The ability to see the world differently is governed, often, by the other ideas and perspectives we encounter. Isolation is the enemy.
If you are a person who has a man such as this in your circle, if you uncover this type of torment, or if you see a pattern of behaviour forming, and — most importantly — if you are yourself resources enough to do so, intervene. Be a friend, a neighbour, a confidant, a coffee companion, a gaming buddy — build positive relations. Help that person to short circuit the destructive pathways. Show them another way is possible.
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