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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Separate-Cheetah7578 on 2023-09-03 01:59:28.

For context I am getting married in four months, my mother has dementia and she can be a handful. She has zero filters and gives no fucks. My wife is rightfully concerned she may make a scene and possibly ruin her big day.

I will have her aid with her, but my stance is my mom is my only family member who will be attending. I do not have much of a relationship with my father, and on both sides of my family, I do not have much contact. My mom had me when she was 15, and I would have nothing without her, I would not even be here if she listened to her family and my father.

I understand my future wife’s concerns but she is my mom and none of those concerns I feel justify leaving my only family member out of the wedding.

My future wife has told me I am not considering her feelings on the matter, I have tried to reassure and validate her feelings and concerns but at the same time this is my mother and I want her present at such a milestone event. I guess I am torn because I know traditionally a wedding is more of the bride’s day. As the groom, I am in part just along for the ride to a degree.

I know she has a vision and this is her day. So I guess I am looking for someone to tell me what I should do. I am at a loss.

Edit: My still an active part of the community, she attends church events and still goes to her baseball games she loves baseball and goes to the movies and the theater often.

She is no stranger to public events and the aids she has have been with her for a long time. We cannot predict and cover every possible situation.

In terms of behavior, my mom is a firecracker. She says what she wants when she wants. She tends to have a negative view of short men and is not afraid of saying something. She is not physically abusive or rude, she is not incontinent and fairly easy to redirect. She loves to dance, is a hugger, and tends to kiss people on the cheek.

My mom is a lovely person, and even if she may not remember I know no matter what she would want to be part of this moment. I am her only child and even now she still sees me as her baby boy.

Now my wife’s concerns are valid, I do not know how she will react at a wedding never been to one with her before, could it be a complete disaster sure, but it also could go off without a hitch. All I can do is have her aides present and play it by ear so to speak.

Her greatest fear she may cause a scene and that is 100% possible unfortunately it is the nature of the disease, I have explained to her that her long-standing aides will be present and she has a positive track record at large events.

I am not concerned about my mother’s image being ruined cause honestly nothing in this world will ever make me think less of her or be embarrassed by her actions. Even if she made a scene it would not matter in the slightest to me.

I do understand that may not be the case for my wife, which is why I am torn. After reading all the kind words, and differing perspectives has given me much to think of, but as one poster said this is most definitely a hill I am willing to die on.