OTTAWA – The Conservative Party of Canada has officially announced that in addition to walkable cities, vaccines, and transgender children, they are also deeply afraid of eating bugs.
“We WON’T Eat Bugs,” the CPC said in an online petition it posted this week. “No one is asking us to, but we’re so scared someone might, and it could be Justin Trudeau. And that makes us furious and so very frightened of this version of Justin Trudeau that we made up who is making us eat bugs.”
Many political scientists believe the reason rightwing politicians become hysterical at the idea of eating insects is due to the fact that in school, all of them were either the kind of children who made other children eat bugs, or the kind of children who would’ve made other children eat bugs if they’d possessed the upper body strength to do so.
“Like all bullies, conservatives are deeply afraid of pretty much everything,” said Dr. Abigail Petrie, the head of the Political Science Department at McGill University. “They mask their terror with anger, but beneath their performative rage you’ll find a person who is terrified of anything and everything. Sadly, rather than simply coping with their anxiety in a healthy way, conservatives lash out, like a dog attacking a vacuum cleaner while pissing itself in fear.”
Nailed it.
Holy moly, it’s real.
Thank God, the market price of lobster and crab is too damn high. Even prawn is getting up there.
So… what are the odds that trump is going to have The Onion shut down?
I guess we’ll find out on the Beav.
Oh shit new moral panic just dropped!
I tried eating bugs, it’s not bad. Aside from lobster and shrimp I mean, grasshoppers aren’t that bad.
Silkworm pupae (Beondegi in Korean) are pretty good too.
I would try it, looks interesting. The canned stuff though… Ugh
The boiled or steamed snack food is served in paper cups with toothpick skewers. Its aroma has been described as “nutty, shrimp-like, and a bit like canned corn” and the canned-type smells very much “like tire rubber”, while the texture is firm and chewy.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beondegi
Edit: are those just the ‘de-silked’ pupae from the silk industry?
The pupa stage is a motionless stage. In this stage, people kill the pupa by plunging the cocoon into boiling water and unwind the silk thread.
https://byjus.com/chemistry/silkworm/
So yes, it looks like this is the leftover insect after the silk is removed
Even better, thanks!
More for me!
Why does it feel like the onion keeps pushing a certain agenda?
It used to be funny and didn’t feel like it had a political agenda.
This isn’t the Onion, and conservatives inventing new bullshit to pretend to be outraged about is incredibly common and hilarious to laugh at. Satire always has a political agenda, even if you’re too dense to notice it.
Is it like poker? If you can’t spot the satire…
Reality has a well-known liberal bias.
except this is the beaverton
Hahahahaha
Why are you pushing a political agenda!
says the maga pushing an agenda
Their agenda’s been the same as ever, since its beginning…
