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Hey, it turns out that lead acetate is a natural, calorie-free, sweetener! In fact, the ancient Romans used it. The FDA doesn’t want you to use this because they’re in bed with Big Sugar and the Splenda people.
I keep myself healthy with a nice refreshing glass of atomic healing elixir (radium solution) and you should too! Ignore the FDA banning it a couple decades back for giving people radiation/heavy metal poisoning.
Ah yes. I patiently await the return of Radium Revigorators! They’re hard to find these days.