Right? Like, seriously, we all know somebody is just butthurt because their stock options tanked.

Oh, wait, I’m sorry! That was very unpatriotic of me, wasn’t it? I mean, we all know that winning an election guarantees being heavily rewarded with insider trading, right? It’s not like they’re there to represent constituents or anything; I mean, doesn’t everyone know we’re a republic, not a democracy?!

Sigh…