Democrats’ performative seizure: 30-hour floor tantrums about a Trump stooge? Groundbreaking. Meanwhile, their “data protection” bill’s just privacy theater for Musk-deranged conspiracists. Luigi-level delusion.

That Education Dept letter? Bureaucratic kabuki. Trump’s gutting it anyway—why not send a strongly worded scroll via raven next time? Efficiency!

Patel’s nomination delay: Congrats, you’ve postponed fascism by… checks notes… 48 hours. Resistance™!

And investigating health centers? Rich, after letting Trump freeze funds like a Walmart rotisserie chicken. Peak liberal irony: fist-shaking at crises they enabled.