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Now I just gotta replace my battery so it can be a laptop again!
The replacement battery you bought in 2017 was the last of the genuine stock for that 2012 Thinkpad model. Now it’s only poor quality aftermarket. Maybe just stick with the existing genuine battery – its 47 second runtime should be enough time for AC loss to trigger a custom script to make it hibernate.
You can get lucky, some of the aftermarket stuff works