I’m not sure if you’re implying they’re the same person, as in they won’t ask anyone out and then wonder why nobody goes out with them? Because that I can’t really explain

Yes indeed. There was a guy I was talking to a while ago who said he never got any dates from the apps. I wanted to be helpful, so I asked him to describe his process and what happened.

He said he’d match (good), and then send them a nice personal message (great), they’d chat on the app (good) for a couple weeks (what) and then they’d stop responding.

He never asked them out but he’d keep talking to them, and seemed confused why he wasn’t having dates. I’m not exactly sure why- maybe he was waiting for the perfect moment that never came. I think this is somewhat common because I’ve seen a lot of profiles that say “not looking for a pen pal. Ask me out!”

I told the specific guy I was talking to I recommend asking people out after like one exchange and you’ve cleared your dealbreakers, and I hope that helped him.

my most general advice in that case would be to try to be more open. Nobody wants to pry answers out of you.

This is good advice. A very common blunder I see is people dead-ending conversations. Like someone will be like “oh my gosh I love your spaceslug T-shirt. Did you ever see them play live?” and they respond with “no [end of message]”. Like, what. How is the other person supposed to interpret that?

If it was in person I’d be like “oh ok this person doesn’t want to talk” but on an app, after we matched? Why respond at all? Just unmatch if you’re not interested, or respond later when you can whole-ass the response.