Except you’re not being direct in who is the problem. The second sentence doesn’t tell why the team is gone. The last part says “they” with the assumption the reader knows. I still don’t see the implicit allowance of DOGE actions that you do in the original, in fact using your reasoning your rewrite also allows the assumptions to creep in because it also doesn’t say other DOGE eliminations aren’t valid, it just says this part of the CDC was broken.

I do agree the tone of the rewrite is different. Whether or not it’s better is debatable, his last line plays the actions done as an absurdity in reality (which is what it is).