Title is a bit much so let me explain.
The world has all kinds of terrible things that the individual can do basically nothing about. Luckily, for most of us it has no direct impact and we are able to ignore the painful reality. But what if you were in a situation where it did impact you? In a way that is part of your everyday. What if for years you are struggling with the internal conflict of “there is nothing I can do about it” and “I can’t continue like this”?
As for the drugs, I specifically mean weed and specifically for the days where I find it too hard to ignore. I find myself thinking that if I get high I will have an easier time ignoring the pain and doing something good like cleaning or working.
Notes:
- Don’t bother with telling me that even the individual has the power to make great changes, I believe it and I’m doing my best, but I am also aware of the fact that this situation will not be changed in my lifetime probably.
- I’m not suicidal, I don’t harm myself and while I can tell that lately I have been using weed too much, I don’t think I am abusing it. I’m logging my usage and I review it weekly, If it get’s out of hand I will know (I think)
- I’m mostly asking about using external stimulation as a form of escapism
- Yes, I need therapy, sadly it is expensive. Yes I am looking for options.
I call it chasing the dragon. Whether you drink or smoke or whatever. If you decide to part take the problem will be back there waiting for you.
With that said I really miss smoking weed. Last night I imagined puffing a joint and it felt so real. I might go back to smoking weed but at the same time I’m really afraid. I relied on weed and alcohol way too much. They were the darkest nights of my life. Pretty freaking bad. I don’t want to go back there to that misery.
Having used various drugs over the years, including smoking weed every day for about 15 of them, I strongly believe that you should only use drugs to enhance good times. If you use drugs to stop yourself from feeling, it makes it SO much harder to cope with bad feelings and basically stops you from learning and growing as a person.
As long as you aren’t harming others I personally don’t see a problem with weed or THC products. We use drugs to numb our pain, I don’t see how numbing our minds to emotional pain is any different or worse.
The basic thing is this:
You cannot turn emotions off. They always come back.
Anything an individual can do to try and suppress emotions, it never works. Whether it be telling yourself you have no emotions and trying to become a machine, or using drugs, the emotions are still there.
This leads to a negative cycle where you manage to suppress emotions for a time, but then they come back worse, and you double down on your suppression efforts.
On top of that you are making the underlying issue actually worse.
The only long term solution is to make peace with it. It is possible. There are even Mengele experiment survivors that forgave Mengele.
Yes it is.
There’s a fine line between use and abuse
I drink
A lot
It has caused problems in the past, right now it’s not affecting my work or anything else, so while I know it’s a snarling beast on the end of a tight chain, it’s still leashed
I’m very aware of how easy it is to let that leash loosen, because then shit runs away
I know why I’m doing what I do right now, and it’s not a situation that will last forever.
I also know that the first lie someone with a problem tells is to themself
I have lost people to substance abuse
It’s easy to pretend that weed isn’t like other substances because you’re not stumbling or throwing up, but it’s not different at all. It’s you using something because you want to feel something different
Don’t forget that there’s a reason why people make jokes about stoners, and it’s impossible to see that you’re one of them when you’re numbed by weed
If you aren’t happy without weed, you won’t be happy with it. It’s just dulling the corners of reality, and it’s temporary.
Substance abuse is wild, and seductive
It’ll never ask anything of you, and yet it will take and take until you have no more to give, and you won’t see it coming, because you will always find a justification while the substance is in control
“It’s just…”
“It’s only a little…”
“I deserve a reward…”
Good luck to you, deep down, we all know
We’re great at lying to ourselves. The fact that you’re asking the question is a great start
Kia kaha
It’s easy to pretend that weed isn’t like other substances because you’re not stumbling or throwing up, but it’s not different at all.
Drugs are wildly different from each other. Stimulants are somewhat similar to each other, depressants are somewhat similar to each other. But weed, heroin, cocaine, alcohol, and caffeine are completely different from each other. Weed is a lot closer to caffeine than alcohol, heroin, and alcohol in effects and physical addiction.
If you aren’t happy without weed, you won’t be happy with it. It’s just dulling the corners of reality, and it’s temporary.
This is true, using drugs as a coping mechanism is basically the same thing no matter which drug.
Thank you
I genuinely think that weed is one of the most insidious substances, because when you’re even a little bit drink, it’s obvious, and you can’t function
But you can be low-level stoned, and pass, but you’re not actually able to get shit done
You’re not sloppy like a drunk, but you’re dulled, kinda stupid and useless
And that’s you for the rest of your life, because your brain will be fundamentally altered. You can stop smoking, but the effect on your prefrontal cortex is permanent. You’ll forever be the age you started using heavily
When I was seventeen, that sounded great…
In my forties, I know better
Terrible and unchangeable, as in “you’re beyond therapy and have two weeks to live”? No, go ahead and shoot up whatever you like. In other cases, like “I’m out of my job and the government sucks”? Yes, drugs still are a horrible idea.
If you use any substance to cope, it’s not healthy and will ultimately lead you down a darker path. Unless it’s truly recreational or for experimentation/exploration, stay away from them.
All emotions, even the strongest ones like unbearable grief and loss, need to be felt and processed. Allow them in and don’t repress or run from them. Especially not with the help of mind-altering substances.
I hope this helps.
I think that’s too general and doesn’t take into account the reality of one’s situation.
Should depressed people feel their depression? To a certain extent, yes, but after a certain point it does not bring any more processing and just trains the brain to continue being depressed. At that point it becomes legitimate to repress those feelings with mind altering substances such as anti depressants.
I don’t know the specifics of OPs situation but imagine you were in a war torn country. Would it be better to be paralyzed by anxiety and grief, or to smoke a joint and be able to function? Would the response be different if it was anxiety meds rather than weed?
My only reservation would be that weed is often a poor anxiolytic and can even become anxiogenous in certain usage patterns. But if it works for OP, all the power to them, as weaning from weed is generally easier and less risky than weaning from benzos.
Isn’t that a bit too broad? We use drugs for so many things in life. People use coffee to get through the day. And yeah it’s not healthy but my point is that there is a spectrum, I don’t think it is a black and white situation.
As for feeling feelings, I believe that we should give our feelings the time and thought needed to properly process them, and I do it. But somethings you are done processing, you accepted the truth and you felt what needed to be felt, but it’s still hard, and as long as this situation is unresolved it will continue to be hard.
Isn’t that a bit too broad?
No.
But what if you were in a situation where it did impact you? In a way that is part of your everyday. What if for years you are struggling with the internal conflict of “there is nothing I can do about it” and “I can’t continue like this”?
Let’s imagine you do drug for that painful ‘thing happening in your life’ and then something new also painful happens, what would you do? Take even more drugs?
As an ex-addicted I know quite well the seductiveness of substances. And how easy they are to fall back into. They never helped me get better, they just… numbed me down and not even enough to not feel the pain.
What helped me get better, almost instantly, is to decide I should accept the world around me was something like a shithole (and that I too was an asshole) and work my way out from there and not from some wishful thinking about what I would do and how great it would be if those shit that were happening to me and had been for years were not a thing.
It’s humility (I was an absolute turd and i was living a shitty life even if I earned good money, and I most certainly at least partly still am an asshole) and sweat. I literaly started moving my body to get back into shape (I rel-learned to walk, one step at a time painfully for a few weeks/months and nowadays I will gladly walk 10+ miles a day without breaking a sweat)
Edit: published too fast:
Don’t bother with telling me that even the individual has the power to make great changes, I believe it and I’m doing my best, but I am also aware of the fact that this situation will not be changed in my lifetime probably.
Well, that can be true but that should not impact your willingness to get better. I mean, I can’t get back that body of mine I ruined years not caring about it but I can make it work as well as it’s able to. and that’s what I do. I can’t get back all those wasted years either, but I can better use what’s left. and so on.
Hope this helps. Wishing you the best
Thank you.
It might sound arrogant, but I think I’m a good person. I always work towards being better, I work on myself and my environment. I think this is what is eating me up about it. The idea that even though I am doing good and always working to improve, this is just something that is out of my control but also directly affects me.
I accept that this is the world, it is fucked up but it also has all of tgese amazing things in it. Heck, I don’t even think the world had my bad than good in it, but I still can’t handle the bad parts. Weed helps me handle it so that I can continue to do the important things such as working on myself. For example, on a really depressive day I might end up staying in bed for the first 4 hours, while with weed I might get up and clean and shift my mood towards a more hopeful one
I always work towards being better,
Imho, it’s the only thing that should really matter to anyone willing to change. Looking forward, not backward and not judging anyone (including myself) but trying to understand. To me, that’s what ‘getting better’ means.
I accept that this is the world, it is fucked up but it also has all of tgese amazing things in it
There are amazing things indeed, and they’re priceless. And we’re lucky to be able to appreciate them.
The thing is that what you call ‘bad things’ are also part of the package. Like all of us not being perfect. Not a single one of us.
Bad things are legit part of the world. They’re not an accident. They’re not an error. Like the shadow goes with the light, you cannot have the good bits without also tasting the shittier ones. No one can.
Like no one can be perfect either. As a matter of fact, I will say that we’re all shitty persons and the difference is in how we teach ourselves (and kids) how to deal with what we are, the good as well as the bad, and how we learn to better control our worst traits (I call that “keeping the animal under leash”).
this is just something that is out of my control but also directly affects me.
try to really think what is under your ‘control’ and you will realize it’s not much beside your own thoughts, emotions and reactions to whatever may happen around you.
You did not control being born, nor who your parents are or your friends (working hard enough, you may be lucky to be able to pick your foes). You barely control how you look. You don’t control with whom you (don’t) fall in love. You don’t control the weather or who is deciding what in the rest of the world. You don’t even control if you’re enjoying spinach, or not ;)
None of us control much.
More often than not, the need for control ‘control’ is a way to avoid facing our fear (fear of the other, of the unknown, of the uncertainty and fear of oneself). It’s that fear trying to hide itself behind something seemingly actionable, and therefore so reassuring. Like little kids checking under their beds every night before going to sleep. Cute but also not the most effective way to fight a monster… when there is one.
The day I started welcoming that fear and doubt in my life (and in my head) is the day I started getting bett… less shittier of a person myself. At least I think so ;)
For example, on a really depressive day I might end up staying in bed for the first 4 hours, while with weed I might get up and clean and shift my mood towards a more hopeful one
Don’t be afraid to admit you depend on that. I depended on my own addictions back then. Admitting it is the first step to effectively getting rid of it.
Imho, weed is not the issue as I reckon it does to you more or less exactly what you want it do? The issue is you not realizing you could get the same or a very similar result without relying on weed. Which would be cheaper and much healthier choice for you,. A choice without any bad side effect btw.
I say do whatever the fuck you think reasonable.
Don’t take drugs to be happy. Get happy then, maybe, take drugs.
That doesn’t really mean anything in the context of this post.
It’s not about happiness
Op, please read this.
A long time ago, I went through this. The details don’t matter so much because our situations aren’t the same. But I fell deep into addiction for a few years because I was dealing with several issues - some of which I’ve always dealt with and will continue to do so, others were temporary.
I still have to face the problems I did before, but now I have the occasional craving. Before, I would lie in bed or sleep if I was going through a depressive episode for a few weeks / months. Now, I want to burn my savings until I black out or can’t remember why I started. Now, I get cravings if I use any kind of nasal spray. Now, I will dream of being high and will have cravings for the rest of the week.
If you can’t change what you’re going through, and you know you’ll be dealing with it in the future, then why would you add more problems for your future self? The drugs I did were amazing until I came down, and they changed me. Some of the changes made me a better person due to the struggles and inconsistent clarity they presented, but some of the changes just made my suffering worse. Drugs will give you relief while you’re high. But all things come to an end, be it the high or your life. Practice safety, use testers, and research everything.
Do you think that addiction is inevitable? Is it impossible to use drugs as a form of emotional pain management while keeping an eye on any possible addictions?
No. As with all things in life, there’s nuance. Your body is different than mine. While I don’t have an inherently addictive physiology, I quickly went from practicing moderation to using everyday, to quite literally never being truly sober. And I stopped myself a few times in the beginning - I knew I was slipping, and I held myself accountable and would be better for a time. Until eventually I forgot or was too apathetic, I can’t remember honestly
Are there signs you would say to look for? Things that should make me stop and re-evaluate?
I would go back and tell myself not to sacrifice certain things just to be high for the day. Don’t change the positive things in your life. You should always know you control a substance, don’t allow the drug to let you think you’re in control. When you start to think you have do something high that you wouldn’t if you were sober (e.g. hanging out with friends, spending the day with family, watching a movie, etc,) then that’s when you’re in very dangerous territory.
Thank you
I find myself thinking that if I get high I will have an easier time ignoring the pain and doing something good like cleaning or working.
That isn’t true, though. Getting high every day will add another problem on top of those you already have.
It reduces your capacity to change things and your capacity to cope with what you can’t change.That being said, if your pain is physical and chronic, you basically have no other choice but to take drugs.
And weed is one of the better options for dealing with chronic pain.
But then ideally you should do it under medical supervision, and not with the goal of knocking your brain out, but making the pain manageable so you can live your life.
This would likely mean not to smoke lots of weed with lots of THC, but consuming smaller doses of slower-acting edibles with a higher CBD amount.I feel like if it’s not every day+not a money issue+well below combustion+not putting a significant risk on others (driving) then it’s probably not too bad.
Having usage that is less instant, less portable, less potent, less common, or more variable may help too (ritual, not habit). Also if your stuff is low-quality (cheap/free) you probably won’t worry so much about wasting it if you let it sit.
Or maybe that’s a cope from me in a similar spot. Though either way things are not changing for the better for me, aside from maybe the small (mostly sustaining) steps I’m still doing.
Thank you, I hope things get better for you
Its not inherently a bad idea, but you need to keep in mind that is a crutch and not a cure. Substances won’t solve your problems, and shouldn’t be your sole, chosen treatment.
That said, just as crutches can help you survive and are often healthier overall than bedrest, so too can substances help. For example, if you have severe, chronic depression, and can’t afford medication, while weed won’t help (and may make it slightly worse overall), it might help you remain functional durring depressive episodes. Its no medication, but if its keeps you alive long enough to keep working towards a long-term solution, its worth it.
I realize that this is confirmation bias, but still, thank you.