Hi NSFW!
I’m looking for advice on verbal dominance. My life partner would love for me to get a bit better in that regard.
A little background:
I’m a dom, definitely. I’ve had several subs, do a lot of rigging and scenes, and in scene I’m very much vocally dominant. But that is because I have the leverage of whips and chains on my side.
The moment that goes away, as bratty as she is, I suddenly find myself out of words to use, and become a little uncertain on what to say, how to act, to keep her attention.
We’ve already talked about it but she can’t really explain what she needs to hear (and just reiterating that endlessly is bound to be uninteresting after a while).
Any tips, ideas, pointers, resources are welcome!
One part body language, one part voice control, and one part words
A lot of dominance is about how you approach a person, right? You tie them up, bend them over, whatever, but it’s about establishing position. So when you can’t touch or do that, you use your body. Get closer to them, inside their space. Loom over them, even if you happen to be shorter. By owning their space, you control their mind at least a little.
Then, you use your voice. Going deeper is helpful. A growled threat is often more effective than a slap, and it’s almost always better than your normal voice. Volume matters, but not louder. You’re in close already, so put some menace into your voice, lean in a little closer, and drop the volume. A little audible sneer may go well for a brat too.
When choosing words, I tend to like starting with questions, especially when someone is playing brat. You lure the brat out, ask them if they know what’s going to happen if they don’t obey. As soon as they start to answer, interrupt and tell them only to answer when told to. Ask again, let the brat start to surface and interrupt with a sharp sound, like slapping your own leg, or a table, then tell them you didn’t say they could talk.
Some brats escalate, others are going to be shaken out of it since most brat play is about the acting out and eventual punishment. So, when you change the script, it flips a different switch in their head, it breaks out of the expected. When you do that, it doesn’t matter if they escalate, because you double down on the quiet and forceful side or things. If it breaks them into being a good little girl the first few times, that’s great too; nothing wrong with an easy move into their headspace.
You can, with a bit of luck and some practice, get some subs all the way into their subspace with no touches at all, if you keep ramping up the pressure by using your presence and voice.
It helps if you imagine them tied up or on their knees as well. Getting into the right metal space makes the performance easier because it stops being a performance, you become menacing and in control.
I can’t promise it’ll work, as obviously everyone is different, and your little brat may need a different scene. But it usually does work when doing something physical isn’t possible.
What a write-up! Thank you so much!