Especially when you are in the field of sadomaso/masochism, the degree of what is feasible always depends on your own point of view. If you are new to the topic, start slowly. You look for someone you trust. No matter how well you fit together (in first place), in terms of the kinks and situations, you want to live out together, trust is the absolute basis for everything.
SM does not mean stupidly inflicting pain or simply enduring it. SM means, among other things, to enjoy, to feel the body and its limits. You can only do that with someone who is able to feel this limit as you do yourself. You put yourself in these arms, you trust him/her blindly. And only when this condition is created do you approach these limits.
I found this picture here/Source, it’s not mine but I admire it. The woman in this picture doesn’t look used. Her look is what fascinates me. Strong. She has expression. She’s naked, humiliated by the body writing, but she radiates the complete opposite to me. For me it is a symbol that painful situations under controlled conditions can make you even stronger. I’m not saying this is a call to do it to everyone without being asked. NO! However, under the conditions described above, I believe that playing with the limits that our body and mind impose on us can be very appealing.
For those who associate her father with “Daddy”, it should be said that this is not meant. It’s much more suggestive that her dom is older than she is, able to take on a fatherly, nurturing role. For me, therefore, a symbol for the correct handling of power imbalances. Not stupid, but playful kinky.
The community here was not created by me or other current moderators. But we have the subject in our hearts. And not from the brutal role, but from the power imbalance, in which brutality is sometimes part. I would therefore like to make my contribution to speaking meaningfully and at eye level about this topic in this community. I don’t want that kind of sexual orientation to be dismissed as pathological and stupid. Something you don’t say.
I want this place to be the place to talk about the ideas, thoughts, practices. You don’t have to live out everything that you find attractive in mind. The golden rule is always to abide by the law and boundaries of the other person. But under these conditions, something can emerge that becomes bigger than oneself. And THAT, I admire.
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That was a nice read,
I defintely agree that brutal and humiliation play are done within a trusting relationship. (I prefer that relationship to be romantic too but its not a must for everyone) Its advanced body and mindgames and for me it deepens the connection when done right.
I know this will never be real mainstream material but it doesnt need to be shunned either. For me its like being gay, i dont choose what turns me, i was born with this inclination.
Personally, I’ve found that I don’t necessarily need the romantic part in the power imbalance. However, there is another part that I can’t do without. Namely, her opinion. I’ve met some women in the past who were totally passive AND submissive. That sounded insanely appealing to me, so I gave it a try. The result was a disaster for both of us. When she has absolutely no opinion, I’m the only one making it all up, it feels like talking to myself. She did what was ordered. But without an exchange with her, I was missing something.
I think what you need, always depends on you and your expectations. I think there are people who get along great with a purely passive slave. Others need the romantic streak, without which they cannot do. It’s great to have a place to bring this up. :)
i cant really imagine TPE without romance, that wouldnt make me happy and fulfilled at all. I wanna be able to goof around and do normal couple things too. It seems so lonely without romance, very mechanic. Emotional safety is important to me and i dont think i would be able to handle the feelings of rejection without some form of romantic reciprocity. I fall in love when i play these games, its just a matter of time. I think its about the security someone has the same irrational genuine attraction. That makes me feel at ease, at a place where the connection is effortless.
Not saying that TPE without romantic vibe isnt valid or unhealthy. Its just not my cup of tea.
I would agree mostly with you about the “romance” part, especially if the relationship is IRL, and not just online play. It really wouldn’t be fun at all.
Also, I think what most people may not fully realize about the TPE (and BDSM) is that the power totally resides with the submissive/slave. It is the sub that will absolutely determine whether you as the Dom will succeed in that relationship. A true Dom knows how to nurture that “romance” and satisfy the needs of the sub.
Ooh i like that sentence “to nurture that romance and satisfy the needs of the sub”
cause thats indeed what it is for me a “need” not a “want”. My submission is so much more genuine and intense when im in love. Its not just about following orders but truly trying to please and not dissapoint. I enjoy the mental part of bdsm very much.
You said it absolutely right. When a right Dom and someone like you who is totally aware of the dynamics get together, sparks will totally fly.
I enjoy the mental part of bdsm very much
Same here for me - IRL, I doubt I could actually wield a whip and be truly “brutal”
Well then there will be fireworks in september. He’s finally moving from the states to Belgium.
Awesome - happy for you 🙂
