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I think your grievance is beyond Lemmy and more just a grievance with people in our current culture currently, at at the minimum those inclined towards social media sites. Lemmy isn’t magic software that makes people behave in a particular way.
You’re not wrong (though I got rid of other social media and thus have little to compare against).
But regardless of what’s happening on other platforms, we do not have to allow or platform that here. We can be better We should want to be better.
We can show people the door who are taking things too far, making death threats, promoting violence, and/or otherwise stirring the pot - force them back to the fringe instances and away from polite/civilized society.