(shamelessly stolen from an imgur dump)
I’m going to take the free gravel and 7 inch teleportation. The gravel is a valuable commodity which can be sold. 7 inches is enough to get through any doorway.
It doesn’t specify a cooldown on the teleportation. You could potentially move very quickly by rapidly teleporting, kind of like the old minecart trick in Minecraft.
The scifi book Battlefield Earth uses teleportion as a means of propulsion. The teleportation gives fighter planes a defensive and offensive advantage.
By far the least crazy idea L. Ron Hubbard ever had
but when i see a pill it kinda seems like a one use kinda thing
Feel like these are definitely permanent status effects
I thought this was like the Matrix, it gives you that ability.
Maybe you gotta take a pill every time you want to teleport
Does the teleportation create an exact copy of you and destroy who you are, or does it just move you exactly and rebuild your brain perfectly so you’re exactly the you you were before the teleport?
Personally it would work the same as when you move through space by conventional means.
I would imagine it would be like Arm pumping.
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I want to imagine the real world would freak the fuck out the way some objects in a game engine do when you mash them together.
Instant nuclear fusion explosion
Nah there’s enough space between atoms, they’ll just converge into perfect matrix of flesh and door
So it’s a pretty good super power then
Yes, but only once
Just teleport 7 inches away, duh
That should be a safe distance
I’m hearing GMod/Source clunking sounds.
Ok wiseguy:
- hold 8 inch icicle up to someone’s head
- teleport 7 inches forward
- “we can’t figure out what killed em!”
I was going to squinch up real tight every time and only teleport through glass doors
That’s how you lose your butt
What happens though? It just gets cut off?
Leaves a nut shaped hole in the door and that part of the door appears where your butt was
This was my thought.
If you can make sure it’s just your nose that gets stuck, then pair it up with pill #4, you’ll be good. Hope that helps lol
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7 inches is enough to get you mostly through a doorway.
Doors are about 1.5 inches thick. The average chest depth of an American male is 11.5 inches.
Teleporting yourself 7 inches forward would put a door 7 inches from your front and 3 inches from your back. You would have to only be 5.5 inches deep in order to make it entirely through the doorway without merging with the door.
It depends how exactly it works. If it’s the very front of my body moves forward 7 inches, yeah, that’s not great. I was hoping for measuring from the center or something. What happens if i overlap something, anyway? Nuclear fusion?
It wouldn’t matter what part of your body moves if your whole body retains its shape (as in, doesn’t stretch or deform in any way). If you stay the same shape, you moving 7" means the whole of you (front, middle, and back) moving 7".
If your body stretched during teleport, then you’ll probably have other problems aside of the displacement issue.
It matters what part of the body the measurement is tied to for start and finish. If it has to be the same point on the body then it’s a problem, but if the anchor point can change then there are greater possibilities.
I can put my hand on the door and extend my foot backwards. If my hand is the anchor point to start and my foot is the anchor point to end, then certain parts of my body have teleported more than 7", but in the aggregate at least one part of my whole body is always within a 7" distance from anchor to anchor. That would mean I could teleport my whole body through any solid item that is less than 7" thick.
Now you’re thinking with portals
… wait, wrong power
Thanks, this helps. I had to think about it for a while. I think what I envisioned was “teleport me past any obstacle less than 7 inches”.
The more important question is, what is the cool down? If you can just spam it really fast you can essentially move at (7inchs/teleport) * (teleports/second)… if you can spam that multiple times a second you could actually move really fast, even fly.
Fair, but at that point you’re just arbitrarily redefining the rule of “teleport 7” away" to cheat this thought experiment.
Not cheating anything, just asking questions to define the parameters of the power.
That makes no sense
Pre teleport hand position is A.
Post teleport foot position is B.
The distance between A and B is 7 inches.
“You” teleport 7 inches, but if “you” is a relative concept thats so far undefined (are your clothes “you”? The contents of your stomach? The air in your lungs? What chemicals dissolved in your blood count as “you”?), and A and B are both “you,” technically youve teleported 7 inches while sort of fudging the actual distance.
As with all magic, the interpretation of the rules is more important than the rules themselves.
I think we’d have to figure out at what part of the brain consciousness originates before we could implement teleportation, because you’d (almost) always want to travel exactly 7" from your point of view.
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Too bad your clothes stay on the other side. I guess you can try to teleport out of county lockup too
Cops dont even show up to actual crimes. Aint no one grabbing the naked dude blipping in and out of reality as they pass through walls.
If your clothes stay behind, then what else does?
Dirt, dust, dead skin? Oils? Gut bacteria? Dental fillings? Food you just ate? Oxygen in your lungs? Oxygen in your blood? Implants for sure, right? What about hair, or nails?
I can imagine a scenario where someone tries this ability for the first time only to wind up naked, perfectly clean-shaven, bleeding profusely from every orifice and extremity, breathless and doubled over in pain, convulsing on a pile of shit, hair and other gross, getting their back sliced open by disembodied toenails.
And do you swap places with matter at your destination or just fit your pieces around and into whatever is already there?
If you don’t swap, you could end up with air in your blood stream and bacteria and fungal spores everywhere. And a chance of nuclear fusion depending on how close atoms end up to each other. And if it can fuck with things at a nuclear level, it will also fuck with them at a chemical and structural level.
Or if you do swap, it becomes a powerful weapon where you just pop into someone’s body, putting the parts of them you overlap with where you used to be, then you just pop back out in a different spot. Bank vault door is too thick? Just teleport multiple times and you’ll get through safely as long as you can remain pretty still while going through it. If you can constantly teleport a tiny distance, you might be impervious to all attacks because stuff would get swapped before it impacts you, but that “might” is doing a lot of lifting. Though you probably also wouldn’t be able to hear sound, so you would be vulnerable when having conversations or listening to music.
What this comes down to is too few details. The fine print definitely matters
Free gravel is a clear winner… If there’s no limits, you could straight up build artificial islands, you could destroy cities… It’s a legit super power. Hell, unless there’s extreme limits that make it worthless, you could do a lot.
Teleporting is tempting, and if you could use it fast enough you could fly or at least walk at insane speeds… Depending on the limits, I’d take that over gravel
But any toaster? That’s a brain computer interface right there. Even if it’s one way, and you have to do it manually and pay for power? With 30 toasters you could type anything. You could learn stenography to do it faster. Or, if you could manipulate toasters past their capabilities, you could generate infinite power or burn down entire cities
For the gravel, I assumed it meant that any place that sells gravel is forced to give it to you for free. Still really powerful, but you have to think about the logistics.
still OP. Now I control all gravel in the world.
Also if you can telelport but leave your poop behind think how easy pooping would be!
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Resell my free gravel for huge profits
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Have a great street magic trick where I ask the spectator to empty a single container out of many with my back turned, but I can always pick out which one
I’ll be Cris Angel, Gravel King
Redmond and blutarch are gonna be SEETHING when I collapse the gravel industry
-Grey Mann
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Why is everyone choosing whatever pill(s) they want to and describing what they’d do with it?
The instructions explicitly say you can only pick 2. Everyone gets gravel. Smh.
2 and 3 easy.
Free gravel for life. So I have an endless supply of product I can sell for profit? Yes please.
And I see no time-limit on the teleportation. 7 inches at a time. Sure. But what stops me from instantly teleporting another 7 inches? And who says I can only do it horizontally. Pretty much giving me the ability to fly here. I’ll take it.
3 and 7 💯. I’m breaking into all the places.
Didn’t even think of a building as a container
It’s just a big container
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Exactly. One power lets you see if it’s safe, and the second one teleports you into the space you know to be empty.
What’s the point in breaking in if it’s empty? How empty does it need to be? Does it need to be a vacuum or does air still count as empty?
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Most walls are more than 7 inches thick. You’d just get stuck.
Doors exist.
Free gravel for life. Just become a gravel wholesaler. Corner the market instantly.
2 and 3 without question.
You’d make ludicrous money from the construction industry with an unlimited supply of gravel, while being able to teleport 7 inches would be useful for break-ins.
Depending on the fine print that comes with these powers, some of them could be significantly less useless than they appear.
For instance, “look 10 hours younger.” Always, or can you do this on command? Can do you it on command more than once? Does the effect stack? Does it include your clothes? Etc. Because if it for example includes your clothes and/or makeup, you could use this to disguise yourself pretty elaborately, or equip yourself with a lot of stuff about your person in advance, then take it off and show up anywhere up to 10 hours later and conjure that stuff out of the air. Imagine the Matrix lobby scene, except you don’t have to set off the metal detector on your way through.
Infinite gravel could be pretty OP if you can conjure it at a fast rate, and especially so if you can conjure it at a remote location. Like, above your enemy’s head. Or inside his vehicle. Etc. Even if it’s just some kind of deal where you present your magic coupon at the Gravel Depot, you could corner the world’s supply. There are a lot of roads that need building in the world.
Or if your 7" teleportation range has no cooldown period, you could just chain-teleport pretty much anywhere that doesn’t require passing through anything thicker than 7". That’s tantamount to flight or super speed running, but you could do it without removing your asscheeks from your chair. Or depending on how the telefrag rules work, you could cause a lot of damage to anyone or anything you wanted by just teleporting through taking 7" bites out of your target each time.
#7 could be useful for gambling - when you can see into one container but not the other, you instantly know which one has the prize in it.
Due to a recent Supreme Court ruling certain areas classified as wet land by the US Corp of Engineers are no longer under build restriction. To make them buildable they need fill. A few million tons of gravel fill seems like something someone would pay a lot of money for.
What really? Great let’s take away flood protection.
Yeah, it’s crazy. A couple from Idaho took the EPA to court and won. Wetlands not adjacent to bodies of water are no longer federally protected.
If you think about it, if looking 10 hours younger was constant, you basically created eternal youth. I’d say that’s pretty great.
you can’t teleport through things because you are thicker than 7"
Well if I can only pick #2 I guess I’m gonna get free gravel.
clap
Dude all I’m thinking about is redoing my driveway. All these other people are looking to be gravel tycoons.
Yeah do you get like a choice of gravel? Because I’ve got a bluestone driveway that’s in piss poor condition, so being able to pick the matching flavor would be really convenient.
2 and 7. Free gravel? Sign me up that shit’s expensive. And I think another way to interpret 7 is that you can instantly tell whether any closed container is empty or not, since you can only see into empty containers.
2 and 7 feels OP compared to any other combo by a mile. Definitely getting nerfed in the next patch.
For some reason my mind skipped straight past 2 so I never considered it. I was going to go 5 and 7. 7 for the same reasoning as your own, and I could probably use 5 as some sort of weird toaster-only magic show to make money. 2 Is definitely the far superior moneymaker here, but I’d probably go with 5 anyway because it’d be more fun to have as an ability.
Depending on the exact rules, you could probably control anything you can bolt a toaster to.
For no real reason other than it sounds reasonable in my head, my personal head canon is that you can’t move anything heavier then the toaster itself. So a cloth on top of the toaster is fine, but a car just wouldn’t fly.
It’s fun to imagine what it would mean with no limits though. Could I send the earth spiraling into the sun simply by placing the toaster on the floor?
Definetly 2. You can make millions with that shit.
Does the gravel have to be delivered or does it appear out of thin air?
It comes out of your nose
That second nose might be useful after all
Can one decide where to grow it? I’d rather it not be on my face. I think the butt crack would be the most inconspicuous place, however it might not be inactive.
Decisions decisions…
8 and 9.
I figure I can either make bank lending the anthropologists/archeologists a hand with an extinct language, or at least have a bunch of fun bringing it back to life as a personal hobby.
And really? No one’s picking nine? Have any of you seen Albert Einstein’s calves? He biked regularly. If it turns out I can outrun him now, that won’t always be the case as my sedentary ass ages.
No matter how crap my skeleton becomes, I’m giving myself an automatic default level of movement that isn’t all that shabby
Albert Einstein is dead. You couldn’t run at all.
- steal corpse of Albert Einstein
- hook it up to exoskeleton
- make it run E=mc2 miles per hour
- take the pill
Problem?
make it run E=mc2 miles per hour
You just converted the energy of Einstein’s corpse to mass. It increases in weight by a billionth of a gram or so and you’re now paraplegic.
Also, you failed high school physics.
/sorry
Or they just converted the mass to energy and can run at relativistic speeds. Which sounds cool until you understand that the equations involved in that would include things like “probability of fission” and “blast radius”.
Pretty sure that was intended as troll physics.
This doubles as a sick burn if it wasn’t intended as troll physics
You’ve got it all backwards. Einstein’s corpse is now energy and fast AF.
Probably because you can just take teleportation instead
Bedridden, trying not to attract the attention of the government as I slowly teleport my 99yr old fail body a couple inches at a time towards the bathroom instead of being able to get up and jog.
Tbf, it says you can run as fast as Einstein, but it doesn’t say you’ll have the same endurance
2 and 3
Assuming I have the ability to Summon free gravel
I could use it for all sorts of things such as making money, using it as a throwing weapon, etcetera
With the teleportation I could just chain I and travel to any country while maintaining a safe speed limit for my body during transition in and out of teleporting
Yeah no contest. Gravel can be sold, can teleport through walls or doors
Whoa whoa, the gift is getting free gravel for life. Wanting to summon it is just getting greedy
Free gravel has to come from somewhere, it’s functionally equivalent to summoning it. (Although it could be one of those asshole genie things where they’re like "I didn’t say how much free gravel)
I truly expect with the wording of the rest of this that you need to fill out like a requisition form for the gravel each time you want more.
You have to go to a quarry and pick it up every time. Mind you its still free so your only overhead would be in time and transit. Just sell it below market price to landscapers.
3 is just like diablo 2 sorcs just with more button spamming
2 and 7, obviously. Good luck anyone carrying an empty box within my vicinity.
