First time making a “personal” post and I just wanted to share some thoughts.
I find it appalling how society pressures people, especially women, to remain youthful - appear younger, have clear skin, stay the same weight since their early years. I see the effects of this on my older sister who loathes wrinkles and grey hair. She grew up with reality shows in the 2000s that highlighted appearances and superficiality, all about how to look on the outside…
I feel grateful to spend so much time with my parents (in their 50s). My mother has started growing grey hair and I find it beautiful. She, just like my father, has wrinkles and “imperfect” skin that I can’t help but admire. Wrinkles tell such a story; of the times you smiled, laughed… they tell people you have lived a life of joy.
I can’t wait until I grow older. Grow grey hair (it’s like being blonde but without the yellow… and as a brunette, it seems like such a fun shift), grow wrinkles from laughing and spending time doing things I like. I look forward to travelling in my young years and looking back on it in my older years. I can’t wait to drink coffee with fellow 60-year olds and speak of how fast the world seems to change, yet time for us moves so slowly whenever we spend time together.
I don’t know. Maybe it sounds ridiculous. But I can’t wait to grow as a person. Become 20, 30, 60… I hope one day society will embrace aging and see how pretty life can get at the later stages.
I’ve got to tell you as a 50 year old: everything hurts – all the time.
Welp. I know life isn’t perfect… but I try to be optimistic.
Just take care of your body and it won’t hurt all the time. Knees and back are the ones you really want to protect. Work out regularly even if you don’t feel like it. Do some yoga to keep yourself limber. Do this early in and life and make it a habit so later in life you won’t have to worry about your body hurting like some 50 year olds.
I agree overall with what you are saying but as someone who for decades has worked out daily, eats well (or at least conscientiously), has never smoked or done rec drugs, rarely drinks, etc… age still catches up to you. It feels unfair since I’ve been trying pretty hard to keep my body together for so long but I’m attempting radical acceptance. Seeing everyone I know who all have healthy lifestyles also having to deal with shoulder and knee pain and other things is also leading me to acceptance. Also having close friends in their 30s and 40 die of cancer changes one’s perspective on what one can control in life… We just do what we can and roll with the rest.
And some 30 year olds.
It shouldn’t. Do you have a healthy lifestyle?
Heh. I do. But artritis is a bitch
Maybe it’s just how things turned out for me, but when I was younger my brain and body were stronger but things were situationally pretty bad until I got to college. Now that I’m around 30, situationally my life couldn’t be better, but exercising doesn’t feel good any more so it’s a chore, the world is on fire just like I was warned it would be as a child, I don’t have the drive to learn any more, and it feels so unfair that I don’t get to experience the life I have the way I imagined because getting here took too much out of me. But hey, at least it’s not bad. Maybe there’s hope I “get better”.
I think healthy aging is beautiful, but I don’t think most people age healthy. If my wrinkles are based on the first 25 years of my life, they’re going to show frustration and exhaustion. I hope your winkles do show you’ve lived a life of joy though. Keep up with exercise and healthy eating, that’s more than half the battle
it feels so unfair that I don’t get to experience the life I have the way I imagined because getting here took too much out of me
Fuck, that’s relatable.
I agree that the world is getting seemingly darker by the year. I know that the political climate in many influential countries is going downhill, and how it affects the rest of us regular citizens. I think the reason I’m so optimistic is because frankly, I have wasted my teenage years and went through a deep depression a few years ago. Now I can’t get those years back, but I hope my adult life will be better; I like to think the worst for me is over, at least when it comes to mental health. I have learnt so much from my parents, I have grown, and there is no reason I won’t keep growing in the future. Life is different for everybody and I sorely wish we all could look forward to aging, but current politics makes it difficult.
I understand this. My early life was pretty bad. In my 20s, I got away from my family a lot more, and started living my life (mostly) how I wanted to. I’m in my 40s now, and I look significantly younger than most of my contemporaries. I’m not saying this to brag in any way. I’m simply trying to point out that stress and all those things in early life don’t HAVE to lead to anything. They make us stronger, more resilient, and capable, as much as that sucks to have gone through.
Not trying to preach or tell you anything you likely don’t already know, but as for exercising not feeling good, change it up! Find a new sport. Take a break from your usual workout. Start walking more. Look into yoga. Yoga is truly one of those things that everyone should do. It’s crazy how much is affects your day to day. Everyone I know over like 30 complains about back pain, and I used to too. I have NONE (unless I do something stupid) after I started doing yoga 5 days a week.
Also, evaluate how you eat, and what you eat. I’ve started noticing A LOT more that what I eat the days before a workout have a much bigger impact on my workout than ever. I ate terribly this weekend, and yesterday, and my morning run was so much worse than normal today. I was dragging ass, and it was HARD, even though it was my mostly flat fast run (spoiler it wasn’t fast today)
I love this! I feel this too.
I’m 41, so a lot of my age-peers are running up against the cumulative effect of decades of neglecting their bodies and starting to curse the aging process, but I’m secretly kinda loving it. I made a conscious choice to be more active in my 30s, and now I’m in the best shape of my life.
I have much less energy and so many fewer fucks to give, and this means I’ve had to learn to be strategic and learn when to cut out things - including relationships - that aren’t edifying.
I’m a traditionally cute petite cis woman, and I had fantasized my whole life about shaving my blonde curls off and freeing myself from those golden chains, so I finally buzzed it this spring, and it looks great. And I am in stealth mode all the time now!! Nobody ever recognizes me until they see me with my husband, it’s hilarious and awesome every time.
I know myself and my own capabilities better, so I am better about not getting myself in over my head, and I’m more able to ignore skeptics and naysayers. Most of the time, I no longer feel the need to be overly polite and accommodating to their desire to give me unsolicited advice, which is awesome.
I am having a tremendous amount of fun getting old, and I think you will too! I love your attitude. ✊
I love your attitude too! I see quite a few people here aren’t having the best time in their older years, and that’s ok, I understand - but I will remain positive when it comes to aging nonetheless, despite how the world looks at the moment. I commonly see more women being happier about being 40/50, which gives me hope.
Any age between 25 and 55 is good. Over 55 though things go down hill shockingly fast. My wife and I are early 60s and we both have this experience. I am a couple years younger and my wife will complain about something. About 2 years later I notice the same thing about myself. Still in good health but age based limits start to show up everywhere in growing amounts faster then I ever expected.
I think 50 to 55 is the best age all things considered. Of course I would rather have the physical body of 25 and the life state and everything else of 53.
Are you on the younger side? Generally younger people want to be older mostly to be able to do more adult things or have the things in life older people have built over time.
Getting older isn’t just looks although that is just a matter of personal preference. There are health concerns and things like lower energy. Taking care of yourself helps a ton but sometimes you get bad genetics or some kind of aliment anyway. And age will eventually catch up with most people.
I do still recommend things like exercise so you can feel 30 at 60 instead of 60 at 30.
I feel like I’m a kid in an adult body trying to pass off as an adult. Always walking on my toes mentally. Being expected to know and do things way beyond what I’m able to.
I feel like aging only makes it worse.
That’s a great perspective. What you’re missing though are the non-cosmetic physical changes that occur as you age. Your bones get brittle, your hormones get out of wack, your skin and muscles lose elasticity, you lose muscle mass, get weaker, sustain injuries easier, and take longer to heal. Aging gracefully is great, but it’s still pretty unpleasant when you throw your back out buttoning up a shirt.
No. I don’t want to die, and I think the discussion of age as a purely aesthetic feature is a distraction from the basic truth that it kills you.
Well, I get that. I have since long gotten over my fear of death and accepted it as a natural thing that will eventually happen, so that I now can focus on other things… I understand the majority of people still have that fear, and I’m sympathetic towards them.
I have heard the same from a number of people, and no offense, but I don’t believe you. When faced with personal annihilation, most people (including myself) quickly discover that they desperately want to avoid death.
In my 30s I was pretty sure I had come to terms with my eventual death. Then I contracted a serious virus that caused my body temperature to begin dropping rapidly. That combined with an intense nausea led to a direct and unmistakable confrontation with mortality. I was not ready and I was terrified. I experienced the visceral knowledge that I was on the precipice of losing everything I knew or cared about. I was, and remain, humbled by death. Because of that experience I tend to be skeptical when others say they are prepared for death.
I had a similar transition in my views between my 20’s and 30’s, but due to violence, rather than disease.
If you don’t mind me asking, what is your age? It may play a factor in your thinking.
Not having a fear of death is not the same thing as trying to avoid death when faced with “personal annihilation”. For example, I try to take care of myself, exercise, eat well, and not put myself in situations that would kill me (e.g., drive 150 mph with no seat belt while drunk) because I don’t want to die earlier than I need to. I am not trying to die faster.
The existential crisis that is triggered when we contemplate our own deaths just began to fade away as I got older. The same thing that happens to all of us – that inability to comprehend\accept the void of nonexistence. Existential anxiety.
If you are under 25, it is very common to have Existential anxiety. Some people need therapy to stop having that anxiety, and that is fine. We’re all on this rock together, and we all progress and deal with things at different rates than others. Life is too short for us to worry about what we know will happen though, so it is better to focus on the now rather than the reaper later on.
I’m 35, and a combat veteran. I don’t fear death in the way you’re describing, but I have been told a number of times that the mature thing to do is cultivate a sense of calm acceptance toward death. I disagree- the reasonable thing to do is try to stop it.
I’m at an age where aging isn’t fun any more.
Turned old this year. Would prefer to not do this aging thing anymore.
I don’t hear anyone complaining about the alternative.
I think I’m going to be a great old man. Relaxing all day, video games with the grandkids, having strong opinions about soups. That sounds like the life to me.
I think it’s fascinating that we live in an age where it’s gonna be commonplace that 80-90-year-olds are playing video games.
For sure! There’s even some evidence to show that it keeps your brain active and can delay dementia-type symptoms.
I think it’ll be a fun bonding experience for parents/grandparents with kids too. Imagine how different growing up would’ve been with parents who were into games as much or more than you were.
I don’t. I find I’m enjoying the age I’m at and it would be excellent if I could stay like this forever! I can go on 5 hour hikes and kayak rides if I get too old my back or legs or arms will get sore just like they do now, but then won’t stop being sore. Sounds like you haven’t reached 20 yet, you’ll learn a lot yet!
I don’t look forward to it but I don’t think it’s bad either. I try to live in one day at a time. Future angst brings me to standstill.
I completely understand that. I think the best thing to do is to take one day at a time, like you say. Overthinking about the future can easily bring stress as opposed to hope.
Not really, but less because of changing appearances and more due to having to deal with the health issues that come along with it. Also, I feel like the human lifespan is way too short including even the best case scenarios with our current technology, but that may change in the future.
I’m in my 40s, and I’m still not ready to have grey hair. I’ll keep dying it until I’m ready for it. As for the rest of the stuff people put themselves through, no thanks. I’m not trying to spend huge sums of money on treatments, peels, products, or plastic surgery.
I have a bunch of younger cousins who are like you, they just don’t give a shit about it. They and their friends don’t think it’s required to shave their legs/pits. They aren’t dying their hair, or any of the other things to keep looking younger. They saw they parents doing it all, and just don’t want to participate. I’m a little envious of their no fucks to give, but like I said, I’m not there yet.
That’s okay - it’s important to do things your own pace and not give in to peer pressure or whatever else people say. My mom recently stopped dyeing her hair and is now embracing the grey look. Everybody should take their time with things, and not being ready yet is just as okay.
Well, I’m 51 and female, and I thoroughly enjoy being the age that I am. In fact I would say that I would rather be this age than any other age I’ve experienced yet. I highly recommend it. I know getting older is not going to be an entirely pleasant experience, but menopause was very like a second puberty, but instead of being self-conscious and insecure, this time I have run out of fucks to give and just do as I please, regardless of what people think. I had hot pink hair for most of the last year, I only gave it up because I’m too lazy to maintain it.
It’s great hearing this. I’m glad at least somebody is having an ok time with being older.
