I’ve been wanting to get some humorous quotes embroidered on my throw pillows, and I’ve only got a short list so far. It’s easiest and cheapest to get them all done at once, so I’m trying to come up with a list of about 10-15 to select from before I send them off. Ideally, they’d be vaguely “life advice” but that’s not a hard requirement. If you remember the Demotivational Posters from years ago, think “Demotivational Throw Pillows” to get an idea of what I have in mind.
Current list / examples:
- “The truth is usually just an excuse for a lack of imagination” - Garak, DS9
- “There are no bad ideas; just great ideas that go horribly wrong” - Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock
- “Never go with a hippie to a second location” - Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock
Obviously, they should be fairly short to be able to fit in the available space and shouldn’t be vulgar.
Let’s hear your suggestions, and hopefully they make the cut and provide for some fun ice breakers/conversation pieces.
As suggested by a commenter, here’s the original joke pillow that inspired me:
“Ambition is the willingness to kill the things you love and eat them in order to stay alive”
Haven’t you ever read my throw pillow?!
Removed by mod
Yes! Though I may just have that one re-created verbatim or see if I can find a larger version of it for sale.
My dad has this one on the living room couch
Oh, that’s good. I like it.
“Don’t listen to advice from pillows”
Just a classic paradoxMeta and paradoxical. Perfect.
If you find a toilet in your dream, don’t use it.
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Every corpse on Mount Everest was once a highly motivated person.
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The early bird gets the worm, the early worm gets eaten.
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We do this not because it is easy, but because we thought it would be easy
Actually saw that last one on a pillow.
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
Those are all pretty good, and I had the third one in my email signature for a long time. Thanks!
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Don’t sweat the petty stuff and don’t pet the sweaty stuff
Pretty sure that one just made the cut. Thanks!
This is the way I’ve heard that one, probably just a mutation:
Don’t sweat the petty things, pet the sweaty things.
Jack Donaghy could supply your entire inventory, and I feel you should figure out a way to get the first part of your gif included.
“Ambition is the willingness to kill the things you love and eat them in order to stay alive. Haven’t you ever read my throw pillow?”
We know what art is. It’s paintings of horses.
You joke, but I’m seriously considering painting my home office whatever the closest match is to “elk tongue” and filling it with paintings of horses.
I would love to read some of the quotes in the link if not for the billions of ads and other shit popping up
Sorry about that. uBlock Origin knocks it all out for me. This should be better, and much more extensive anyway.
Donaghy did supply the bulk of the list before I decided to diversify and trimmed it down to those two. lol.
Yarn is pretty annoying in that it both has exactly the quote I’m looking for but also never the full context. I’ll add Donaghy’s pillow to the post as an example, though.
“When push comes to shove, you gotta do what you love, even if it’s not a good idea.” -Hermes Conrad
I actually live by this quote and will even say that quote when I’m trying to think of what I want to do with my life.
But I also believe I would’ve worked for the bureau of bureaucracy…
If it’s stupid and it works, it’s still stupid and you are lucky.
Pillage, then burn
Two wrong is probably not going to be enough.
From schlock mercenary, 77 maximsof maximally effective mercenaries
Bonus: Don’t shit where you sit.
“Sometimes a hypocrite is nothing more than a man in the process of changing.” - Dalinar Kholin
Edit: Not really a humorous one, it’s just my favorite quote from the Stormlight Archive.
Yeah, not really what I had in mind for my throw pillows, but definitely something I can add to the rotation for my letter board. Thanks!
Scotch. It’s too early to drink it, but it is never too early to think about. - Dr Cox, Scrubs (A bit paraphrased)
Never drink scotch without water. Never drink water without scotch. –Jerry, a guy i know
Also, when you go to the bathroom in a bar he says, " Don’t come out with more than you had when you went in."
I’ll have to look up some “best of Dr. Cox” quotes. I’m sure he has several gems.
Gaze at the barren landscape before you and see all the fucks I have left to give.
If it’s wet and not yours, don’t touch it.
I may amend it to “If it’s not yours, don’t touch it”. lol. Thanks.
At the end of the day… it’s dark
Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside a dog, it’s too dark to read.
Had a bit of fun with weird proverbs with coworkers today, two that stayed :
The one who swallow a coconut, has complete trust in his anus.
Don’t pretend to be a tiger when you’re a kitten.
Not really on theme, but the first one will often get a chuckle out of people without having to be on a pillow.
