Hey, if you’ve read some of my other posts, you know I’m bi. I don’t think we get to have gaydar :-( At least I don’t, given the number of times I’ve been hit on and only realized it days/weeks/years later.
Question: How do I figure out what this guy’s deal is without maybe losing a new potential bro friend, if that’s even possible?
Context: People don’t know I’m bi unless they ask, or unless I am dating them. I’ve been told by gay friends that I’m “straight as an arrow” :-P
Post-COVID I don’t really have many local friends, and no bros at all anymore. Live in NYC.
Situation: I was invited to a dinner party hosted by an extended friend circle. The hosts want to set me up with a cute lawyer, and yeah we hit it off and I’m asking her to go out on a date some time soon. No issues or concerns there.
Separate from that, there was a guy, let’s call him Ted. He’s not exactly my normal guy type (he’s tall), but I dunno, I like him. We also hit it off, he asked me a bunch of questions, I asked him, too. He’s new in town. He’s really good looking. Fit, sharp features, light eyes, a little tan, fairly hairy.
He was telling me about meeting up with a guy and they did a bunch of stuff out on the town together, and then Ted asked him, “Is this a date?” and the guy said “Yeah.” And Ted was like, “Cool!” I don’t think I gave him any indication that I’m into guys, it would have been a little scandalous since I just met the first and she was seated next to me.
He was seated next to me at dinner. Ted would often grab my arm or my shoulder (not hard) while talking to me, and look at me directly in the eyes while saying something. Sitting at the table, he’s often rub/bump his leg/knee against mine. Several times he moved his arm sideways (for no apparent reason), brushing his forearm hair against mine, which was absolutely electrifying. I might have a new kink, y’all…
Before leaving, he gave me his number, and later texted me that it was great to meet. I said we should find some time to hang out. He said he’s not going to be able to hang out this weekend (sister in town), but that next weekend will work for him. We have yet to work out the details.
Question: How do I figure out what this guy’s deal is without maybe losing a new potential bro friend, if that’s even possible?
Idea: I’ve been thinking about making some fairly neutral plans (museum, dinner/drinks), and just asking him at the beginning if this is a bro date or a date date. What else could I do that might work better? Do I not even bring it up and let him be a friend either way? Am I overthinking everything, as usual?
Thanks for coming to my sexually confused TED talk.
You must log in or register to comment.
As a straight dude, I’m with Mononon. Just ask up front.
It sounds like you’re into the relationship either way, and if he happens to wierd-out about it, well, that says a lot too and probably saved you some time.
Yeah you are both right. Thanks for answering and advising. I don’t really have anyone else to talk to, and I appreciate your perspective.
Edit: I feel really silly. I’m just getting back into the world post COVID now, and it’s like I’ve forgotten how to be normal socially and interpersonally.
Hey i have that problem frequently, covid or not. We’re all just goin along, doin our best.
Literally just ask.
Yeah you are (both) right. Thanks for answering and advising. I don’t really have anyone else to talk to, and I appreciate your perspective.
Edit: I feel really silly. I’m just getting back into the world post COVID now, and it’s like I’ve forgotten how to be normal socially and interpersonally.
Just browsing the community and it’s been a few months. Any updates on this? I’m curious to know!
Yeah an update:
He’s straight as an arrow just very friendly and warm. I went out partying with him and his friends and it’s great how loving and supportive his friends are. Also been out for drinks with him and the bro date guy, and to his birthday hang. I also got to talk him up when he brought a first date with him to a party and he mentioned later how touched he was by that.
He’s a great guy to know, and hopefully in time a good friend. And that’s plenty!
But also yeah if he ever hinted he was feeling horny I’d be on my knees for him in a heartbeat 🙈 that’s just between you and me though.
Aww, that’s very sweet even if it wasn’t what you were expecting. You two sounds like a friendship goal. Thank you!