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Cake day: 2025年3月8日

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  • I was working in the crematory, and accidentally cut myself. I was rushing to get some ashes transferred to another urn, because the family was waiting up front. Jabbed myself in the thumb with the wire cutters that we use to get the zip ties off of the bags that hold the ashes inside the urn. Cleaned it up and put a Band-Aid on it. Few days later it still hurt like crazy. I saw when I looked at it that there is a little bit of pus coming out. I squeezed it a little and a little short of bone popped out. Felt a lot better once it fell out!








  • I’m an on call mortician. I spend a lot of time walking around funeral homes at night in the dark. I heard shit moving around and weird crashing noises all the time. I fuckin ignore that shit. Oh, what? The demon wants attention again, so I have to take my earbuds out? Nah. Not tonight Satan. I’m really into this audio book.


  • I’m a mortician and all we have been talking about is how shit of a job they did. We call those pancake hands because they’re flat. They’re also hovering, which is why they look so unnatural. They didn’t use any dye, which is why he’s that horrible color. It’s called formaldehyde gray. I guess maybe dye is left out for some religious reason? But there is absolutely no excuse for those hands.

    We all assume it was done by some old guy who only does embalmings once every 10 years, or however often a Pope is dying.