Not just young people. I’ve seen this kind of behavior in surprisingly old people such as Gen X and even Baby Boomers, but I’ve seen it in a LOT of millennials, the youngest of whom are now in their early thirties and the oldest are in their forties.
Yep. Basically any generation that grew up with texting and chat kinda leans this way… so millennials and younger. But also some gen x.
Phone calls are for things that can’t wait and need the other person to drop what they’re doing, and things urgent like that tend to be medical or work stuff. Or things time sensitive in another way.
Demanding the other person stop what they’re doing to attend to you immediately is considered kinda rude for minor topics when such an easy and less pushy alternative is available.
That’s funny, because my mom loses her shit if I don’t respond to her text message within 15 minutes. Then she rants on how her family abandoned her and she may as well be dead.
That’s funny because my mom just asked me when she can call me this morning and I’m going oh fucking he’ll I just started my vacation this better be something fucking stupid like if I can order her a grout cleaner. We usually texts. She knows I don’t answer calls and if it’s really important she can call twice. My job has been on the phone since I was in college so the last thing I want to do is talk on the phone.
Lmao this thread is so weird to read. My parents call me all the time to ask how I am. I also call them. And my friend from time to time and he calls me. Samesies for my fiancée. Normal stuff.
I’m a millennial in Sweden and I have not experienced this phenomenon unless the person suffers social anxiety, though I must admit I have little contact with people under 25.
To me a call is convenient when I’m biking or working with my hands, and I can’t tell you how many times a simple phonecall spared me endless back and forth over text or e-mail.
Maybe I’m desensitized since I constantly receive and make calls at work.
No it doesn’t. Just don’t pick up the phone. If it’s important they’ll text you to pick up the phone. There’s a reason the terms “phone tag” and “screening calls” exist.
But you don’t know the relative importance of what they’re telling vs what you’re doing. A text gives more information than just seeing your receiving a call.
That’s why people leave voicemails… you leave a verbal note of why you’re calling. And if the receiver prefers to read a text about it, several services transcribe voicemails automatically good enough to get the general gist. Or they can listen to them.
The point is that people usually don’t set out to ruin your day or misbehave, and you cannot control other people’s experience, expectations and preferences, only your own. So it’s on you to know yourself well enough to manage your boundaries appropriately with technology/tools, and possibly communication, and not to blame other people for “missteps”. When what they are doing is likely perfectly within the realm of reason to them.
Especially if they have a disability and calls are easier for them. If you have the disability, you can communicate your preferences but don’t expect people to know immediately. Set up your tech accordingly to communicate your needs. And acclimate where you can.
If things “escalate”… well… it’s likely your fault. We always need to look at our part first.
Nothing good ever came out of a voicemail I received. Disabled and wont enable again. Text me if it’s important enough for me to call back with a brief topic. I don’t call back if I don’t get a text, that’s reserved for maybe 5 people on earth.
Great. That’s your boundary. Sounds like you have disabled them permanently. I’m saying that people should use tools, and communication when necessary, to exercise their own boundaries, like you, rather than make meanings or assumptions, or expect others to be mindreaders.
I don’t even get how voicemail works, last time I checked there was like 6 “unread” voicemails from months ago I never knew I’d gotten and it was just my mom saying “please call me back” or some inaudible noise and figuring out how to delete them is a pain too.
That sounds like something pretty heavily in the “you problem” zone. If it’s going to be acceptable to look down on folks who don’t understand stuff like chat apps, not understanding voicemail is still “oh god i am not good with technology how did i get here”
You will feel terrible if you don’t pick up the phone and it turns out to be something important, like being able to hear the last words of your grandma or something.
Texting is a lot less of a big deal than a phone call is.
But it they are in the middle of something they could lose half a minute of time instead of 5 seconds checking a text. It’s the same as opening a phone call with ‘got time to talk’ but more efficient.
Phone calls are never thirty seconds. It’s always fluffed up by twenty minutes of “how are you” and “what are your plans next week” like fam I’m trying to do the dishes and had to scramble to pick up the phone with wet hands, go away
Unless you know for sure that the other person is legitimately bored, sitting around not doing anything, imposing yourself on someone like this is rude.
Maybe this is just me and my circle but if someone just wants to talk I’d typically expect that more over discord or something like that rather than phone call unless they’re older.
Other than that phone call is for urgent stuff or something that’s going to have a lot of back and forth and is quicker pver phone.
Sure, my work uses discord, and I know friends that use it. But my family doesn’t. Plus, if you do sales, or job searching, or anything that involves talking to people for work who don’t directly work for your company then Discord is a little awkward. A phone or zoom call is better.
So when you “just want to talk” you call someone out of the blue and just expect them to stop what they’re doing and have a little chat? I had a friend like that and I hated it because they always called at the worst moments so I wouldn’t pick up and then they assumed I disliked them and played the victim by a mutual friend. That’s when I actually started disliking them. So don’t randomly call people please thank you.
Also texting someone instead of talking isn’t antisocial behaviour. You can say as much in a text as you can say in a call and the other person can reply to your text and continue doing what they’re doing at the same time.
This is the first time in my life when I encountered an opinion that calling someone is somehow rude and reserved for emergencies. In my social circle and family people just call when they want to talk. Sure, we text often too, but calling is completely normal. And if you can’t or don’t want to talk, you just don’t pick up the phone.
In our family it looks exactly like this, that’s why I found it very funny :)
We usually just chat (or videochat) and when f.e. dad randomly calls me then it’s some serious business. And for that brief moment my mind jumps to most catastrophic scenarios why he could be calling me. And I think it goes both ways because when I call dad the first question usually is “Hi, did something happen?”
I can see why you’d fear phone calls then. In my family I get a call from my dad about once a week to ask about my day. Usually the family texts more in the mornings, and more phone calls in the evening. Plus for a while I had to pick up the phone anytime someone called for work reasons. You just get used to it after a while.
For real, the last 2 times my mom called me was to tell me my dad had a heart attack and that my nephew died, so I 100% expect something like that if she calls me.
Broken? What are you talking about? My dad started leaving me home alone for weeks at a time at age 12. By age 16 it was months at a time, and my house became the place where other kids came to hang out. I graduated college, or University. Then became a heroin addict. My family stopped talking to me because of this thing called “tough love”. Now, I’m all better and have my own family with kids and a partner, but my dad and sister wonder why I won’t let them be a part of it (my mom died when I was 8).
You know regular all American family. Nothing weird, or dysfunctional here. Definitely not broken.
Same reason people at home just come up to each other and start talking (which actually requires immediate response) even when the topic is non-urgent whatsoever, instead of leaving notes around the house.
It’s all based on differing conventions among people, so saying a call “demands immediate response” is putting your convention above others as the only true one.
In my family the convention is a bit different. A single call does not signal any urgency and so no one is expected nor obliged to answer if they don’t feel like it. A second call after the first one wasn’t answered implies importance. Third and more calls imply urgency and then emergency. If something is important or urgent and calls aren’t getting answered, a message is sent.
I like my convention. I also have slightly different conventions with some friends. I am also aware different people may have different conventions and I don’t hold mine to be superior or theirs inferior.
I agree your convention would supercede the one I’m taking about. I kinda like it too.
I think conversation is different though since there is a major effort imbalance between writing a note and taking. But there is no effort imbalance in texting or calling, especially since you can voice type.
???
Why would she react like that to a phonecall?
Young people don’t call unless it’s serious business.
Why she reacted like that while also knowing her dad still calls people? No idea
Not just young people. I’ve seen this kind of behavior in surprisingly old people such as Gen X and even Baby Boomers, but I’ve seen it in a LOT of millennials, the youngest of whom are now in their early thirties and the oldest are in their forties.
Not just young people. I am 48, and if I get a call from my mom I would’ve thought something happened to my dad.
Yep. Basically any generation that grew up with texting and chat kinda leans this way… so millennials and younger. But also some gen x.
Phone calls are for things that can’t wait and need the other person to drop what they’re doing, and things urgent like that tend to be medical or work stuff. Or things time sensitive in another way.
Demanding the other person stop what they’re doing to attend to you immediately is considered kinda rude for minor topics when such an easy and less pushy alternative is available.
That’s funny, because my mom loses her shit if I don’t respond to her text message within 15 minutes. Then she rants on how her family abandoned her and she may as well be dead.
Every damn time.
She doesn’t call anymore though.
Yep same. I text and Snapchat with my mom daily. If she calls, shit went down.
That’s funny because my mom just asked me when she can call me this morning and I’m going oh fucking he’ll I just started my vacation this better be something fucking stupid like if I can order her a grout cleaner. We usually texts. She knows I don’t answer calls and if it’s really important she can call twice. My job has been on the phone since I was in college so the last thing I want to do is talk on the phone.
And, was it just a grout cleaner?
Lmao this thread is so weird to read. My parents call me all the time to ask how I am. I also call them. And my friend from time to time and he calls me. Samesies for my fiancée. Normal stuff.
I’m not young and I prefer a text over very unnecessary long and drawn out phone calls.
Hmm, I wonder if it could a cultural thing?
I’m a millennial in Sweden and I have not experienced this phenomenon unless the person suffers social anxiety, though I must admit I have little contact with people under 25.
To me a call is convenient when I’m biking or working with my hands, and I can’t tell you how many times a simple phonecall spared me endless back and forth over text or e-mail.
Maybe I’m desensitized since I constantly receive and make calls at work.
Because phonecalls are reserved for when you immediately with no delay need someone.
Asking about a show is not one of those cases.
Or just want to talk to someone? Why are we simultaneously normalizing anti-social behavior and wondering why the young people are so unhappy?
Why not text ‘wanna talk sometime’? A call demands an immediate response, so reserve it for things that demand immediate responses.
No it doesn’t. Just don’t pick up the phone. If it’s important they’ll text you to pick up the phone. There’s a reason the terms “phone tag” and “screening calls” exist.
But you don’t know the relative importance of what they’re telling vs what you’re doing. A text gives more information than just seeing your receiving a call.
That’s why people leave voicemails… you leave a verbal note of why you’re calling. And if the receiver prefers to read a text about it, several services transcribe voicemails automatically good enough to get the general gist. Or they can listen to them.
The point is that people usually don’t set out to ruin your day or misbehave, and you cannot control other people’s experience, expectations and preferences, only your own. So it’s on you to know yourself well enough to manage your boundaries appropriately with technology/tools, and possibly communication, and not to blame other people for “missteps”. When what they are doing is likely perfectly within the realm of reason to them.
Especially if they have a disability and calls are easier for them. If you have the disability, you can communicate your preferences but don’t expect people to know immediately. Set up your tech accordingly to communicate your needs. And acclimate where you can.
If things “escalate”… well… it’s likely your fault. We always need to look at our part first.
Nothing good ever came out of a voicemail I received. Disabled and wont enable again. Text me if it’s important enough for me to call back with a brief topic. I don’t call back if I don’t get a text, that’s reserved for maybe 5 people on earth.
Great. That’s your boundary. Sounds like you have disabled them permanently. I’m saying that people should use tools, and communication when necessary, to exercise their own boundaries, like you, rather than make meanings or assumptions, or expect others to be mindreaders.
I use these. But they’re less direct and easier to misunderstand than if it was native text. If someone wants to say it, they can voice type as well.
I actually agree with you on that one. I hate voicemail. If I don’t pick up, shoot me a text or send a voice recording through the messaging app.
Absolutely. Also hit and miss accuracy wise and can turn out to be an essay, but definitely an option.
I don’t even get how voicemail works, last time I checked there was like 6 “unread” voicemails from months ago I never knew I’d gotten and it was just my mom saying “please call me back” or some inaudible noise and figuring out how to delete them is a pain too.
That sounds like something pretty heavily in the “you problem” zone. If it’s going to be acceptable to look down on folks who don’t understand stuff like chat apps, not understanding voicemail is still “oh god i am not good with technology how did i get here”
Damn dude, it’s not that big a deal. Just don’t pick up the phone. If it’s important they’ll find a way to let you know.
if you don’t pick up they’ll get mad and say you never pick up your phone
This is true. It’s what I tell my mom because she never picks up her phone! 😄
I don’t mind much. I just don’t call because it wastes people’s time. But I don’t want to let it go to voice mail because then it wastes their time.
Calling is only a waste of time if your conversationalism isn’t worth the time. You see the self own don’t you?
Ah, see in my opinion going to voicemail is just the risk you take if you call someone.
You will feel terrible if you don’t pick up the phone and it turns out to be something important, like being able to hear the last words of your grandma or something.
Texting is a lot less of a big deal than a phone call is.
A situation like that has only happened to me once… and they didn’t call, they emailed me.
I’m sorry, what’s “phone tag” and “screening calls”? Never heard of any of that.
Haha phone tag is what we used to do before text messages. Call each other over and over and you’re never both available 😂
Thanks for waking me up from the one nap I’ve gotten this year.
Or, you know, you could just talk to a person on the phone.
But it they are in the middle of something they could lose half a minute of time instead of 5 seconds checking a text. It’s the same as opening a phone call with ‘got time to talk’ but more efficient.
Oh no, 30 whole seconds.
Phone calls are never thirty seconds. It’s always fluffed up by twenty minutes of “how are you” and “what are your plans next week” like fam I’m trying to do the dishes and had to scramble to pick up the phone with wet hands, go away
It adds up. Why waste other people’s time? I think it can be inconsiderate.
If you think talking to a loved one on the phone for 30 seconds is a waste of time, you might want to evaluate your priorities.
People are just sooooo busy with their SUPER IMPORTANT lives, that they definitely don’t have 5 minutes to spend unscheduled with the likes of you.
Piss off and get in the text queue like everyone else!
Unless you know for sure that the other person is legitimately bored, sitting around not doing anything, imposing yourself on someone like this is rude.
It’s not imposing. You don’t have to answer.
You would have, if you knew how important it was.
But you can’t know that of a phone call, with a text you can.
Maybe this is just me and my circle but if someone just wants to talk I’d typically expect that more over discord or something like that rather than phone call unless they’re older.
Other than that phone call is for urgent stuff or something that’s going to have a lot of back and forth and is quicker pver phone.
Sure, my work uses discord, and I know friends that use it. But my family doesn’t. Plus, if you do sales, or job searching, or anything that involves talking to people for work who don’t directly work for your company then Discord is a little awkward. A phone or zoom call is better.
Discord, that’s a good one. That’s a gaming communication app.
You’ll be screwed in 4-5 years when it goes belly up.
No, Discord is a communication app that is mainly used for gaming.
That is like calling Whatsapp a family communication app.
So when you “just want to talk” you call someone out of the blue and just expect them to stop what they’re doing and have a little chat? I had a friend like that and I hated it because they always called at the worst moments so I wouldn’t pick up and then they assumed I disliked them and played the victim by a mutual friend. That’s when I actually started disliking them. So don’t randomly call people please thank you.
Also texting someone instead of talking isn’t antisocial behaviour. You can say as much in a text as you can say in a call and the other person can reply to your text and continue doing what they’re doing at the same time.
You absolutely cannot say in a text what you can in a call
You can multitask while texting, true, but that is antisocial. Social, is having a conversation.
how is that antisocial?
Only when you are illiterate can you not say in a text what you can in a call.
If you think that’s true then you are self roasting your own conversationalism.
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https://media.tenor.com/mo2pN_4naMAAAAAM/office-michael.gif
This is the first time in my life when I encountered an opinion that calling someone is somehow rude and reserved for emergencies. In my social circle and family people just call when they want to talk. Sure, we text often too, but calling is completely normal. And if you can’t or don’t want to talk, you just don’t pick up the phone.
I’m genuinely baffled.
In our family it looks exactly like this, that’s why I found it very funny :)
We usually just chat (or videochat) and when f.e. dad randomly calls me then it’s some serious business. And for that brief moment my mind jumps to most catastrophic scenarios why he could be calling me. And I think it goes both ways because when I call dad the first question usually is “Hi, did something happen?”
I react this way when my mom calls because she never calls me and the one time she did, it was because my grandmother died.
I can see why you’d fear phone calls then. In my family I get a call from my dad about once a week to ask about my day. Usually the family texts more in the mornings, and more phone calls in the evening. Plus for a while I had to pick up the phone anytime someone called for work reasons. You just get used to it after a while.
For real, the last 2 times my mom called me was to tell me my dad had a heart attack and that my nephew died, so I 100% expect something like that if she calls me.
Crippling socal anxiety
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because why would you call someone if not for something very urgent?
I call people just to have a chat and a catch up.
This is what it feels to struggle with anxiety :(
not one of us, not one of us, not one of us, not…
Probably a normal thing in the US, where families are so broken by default a simple call from a parent sounds like a disaster.
No, it is not normal thing in the US.
Why so hostile?
I like trolling
Yes, feed my blocklist. It grows corpulent with your bloated corpses.
Image
Broken? What are you talking about? My dad started leaving me home alone for weeks at a time at age 12. By age 16 it was months at a time, and my house became the place where other kids came to hang out. I graduated college, or University. Then became a heroin addict. My family stopped talking to me because of this thing called “tough love”. Now, I’m all better and have my own family with kids and a partner, but my dad and sister wonder why I won’t let them be a part of it (my mom died when I was 8).
You know regular all American family. Nothing weird, or dysfunctional here. Definitely not broken.
Why use a communication mode that demands an immediate response if you don’t actually need one?
Same reason people at home just come up to each other and start talking (which actually requires immediate response) even when the topic is non-urgent whatsoever, instead of leaving notes around the house.
It’s all based on differing conventions among people, so saying a call “demands immediate response” is putting your convention above others as the only true one.
In my family the convention is a bit different. A single call does not signal any urgency and so no one is expected nor obliged to answer if they don’t feel like it. A second call after the first one wasn’t answered implies importance. Third and more calls imply urgency and then emergency. If something is important or urgent and calls aren’t getting answered, a message is sent.
I like my convention. I also have slightly different conventions with some friends. I am also aware different people may have different conventions and I don’t hold mine to be superior or theirs inferior.
I agree your convention would supercede the one I’m taking about. I kinda like it too.
I think conversation is different though since there is a major effort imbalance between writing a note and taking. But there is no effort imbalance in texting or calling, especially since you can voice type.
I see the confusion. I don’t ever want to have a conversation with anyone.
Because sometimes it’s easier. Sometimes you just want to hear your kid’s voice. The horror.
Text ‘can we call? I’d love to talk sometime!’