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Yeah, this can be a generational cultural difference.
I mourned the death of my grandfather three separate times when my mother texted me “please call”. Each time when I called back I learned something different:
- We had to change our lunch plans.
- There was an alarming local news article about driving conditions.
- My grandfather had died.
If these were all in the same day that’s quite the series of events
The last time my dad called was 16 years ago when my mum was bleeding out after surgery and we didn’t know if she was going to make it.
Other than that, it’s WhatsApp messages, and they’re usually about the dog.
I would 100% think someone had died if my dad called.
If not death, at least something horrible has happened. The last time my dad called me, it was to tell me he wasn’t actually me or my brothers biological dad, lmfao.
Imagine if he said that by message 💀
“Not your daddy, xoxo.”
Uh? You okay man?
This is probably family dependent. My family is similar to OP’s, we usually text if we want to have casual conversations. Voice calls are limited to serious topics only… unless I text them “hey, let’s have a call” or something like that first.
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My biggest fear right now is the last day I get to hear my parents voices.
Yeah. Make sure you’ve got it recorded somewhere. Dad died 20 years ago when I was a kid, and I have to approximate what he sounded like in my head. It sucks.
A typical conversation with my mom starts with: Answerer: hey what’s up Caller: not much, do you want to chat? Then we chat for 10-40mins about whatever, then say bye. It’s nice to feel connected to people in your life.
If either doesn’t want to talk we just say, not a great time. Reply is always no worries, chat another time, bye.
Nobody is actually this terrified of a phone call right? Besides the usual social anxiety anyway.
My father’s phone doesn’t even have internet, hell, they barely built a computer that could beat Nazi encryption back when he was born, he didn’t even see his first computer in person until he was what, 50?
He struggles at testing, no way could he navigate a modern phone haha. So, phone calls are normal for us :-)
You and your dad sound like what, millennial and Boomer? You’re definitely not Gen Z or younger though I’m assuming.
I’m 40 so elder millennial I guess. I like Gen Z overall but goddamn do they SUCK at using the damn phone. I train a lot of 22-24yo kids at work and they truly are terrified of phone calls. Video call, friggin forget it man. Like they might turn on their camera once if I directly ask or tell them but it’s a battle every time.
This is the same generation that’s demanding full remote, and they refuse to actually communicate remotely. It’s really frustrating and annoying. How in the world do you expect to function in a group if you can’t or won’t communicate with people in real time? Do they really expect to go to their entire careers only texting or emailing?
Again I like them overall, they are very smart educated and resourceful, but their communication absolutely fucking sucks. So yeah this comic is super accurate but I don’t find it funny.
How in the world do you expect to function in a group if you can’t or won’t communicate with people in real time?
wow. i thought it was just me.
I’ve got really good people on the team – but only if you trust them go do stuff with zero communications and then the pop back up with completed work. Which is kinda ok if you don’t need to do any team projects. Its driving me nuts and I totally see why some managers are like “fuck it, get your ass into the same room”. Its simply easier than coaching people on how to be slightly better than a chatbot.
What a breath of fresh air your comment is, thank you. The sheer absolute HATE I’ve been getting in this thread and others is so incredibly toxic and frustrating. I’m literally at the point where I’m like, you know what, you’re right, stay the fuck at home and stay away from my team because I don’t need that vitriol in my life.
I saw a thread recently here or on Reddit maybe hating on presentations and group assignments in school. It wasn’t until I got to management that I realized how incredibly important those skills are.
Personally I’m convinced that it isn’t “people don’t want to work anymore.” More like "people fucking suck at working together, on big projects, remotely, and friggin communicating as a team. So the sucky deadweight employees don’t do squat, and the good ones are frustrated as hell, overburdened with their shithead colleagues work that the rest of us have to do now.
Sorry for the rant but this is fucking my shit up big time, and it’s really hard getting all this pure hatred online by toxic people who refuse to even pick up the damn phone when I call to ask “how did you compute such and such” or whatever.
I used to be terrified as a kid if using the phone, then I ended up with a job in a call center. Three times.
Ugh. Still have nightmares about it, 15 years later. But! No longer afraid of the phone. It’s something that you need to practice with though.
I think a call center would be very intimidating for me. The onslaught of calls from different people, all grumpy, sounds a bit much. I guess it’s a range or a spectrum or whatever. Still it’s a generational thing though and the floor is way lower than it was pre-Covid IMO. Like it’s normal to have some anxiety but you can’t go your whole career terrified of phone calls. It’s just really annoying and weird.
I’m getting flamed in this other thread about returning to office and it’s so frustrating. All the haters over there are the same people terrified of phone calls like the girl in this comic, all want full remote, all terrible communicators.
My dad is probably about the same age (currently 81)
He didn’t touch a computer until the mid 2000s, and he just wanted to be able to email. It was a looooong journey to get him comfortable doing that.
Since he got a smart phone he texts literally every day, has installed a number of apps himself, can mostly get new services working himself (he did Amazon Prime, with some mild hand holding).
If anything, I call him more then he calls me!
It’s doable :)
I’m not NT so I like having the freedom and time to cook up good responses to texts that I can’t make on the spot in a call.
(Btw not saying that NT people can do that easily but they seem to always be able to think quick on their feet socially speaking)
What is NT?
The only NT I know is Windows NT (I’m old)
Im just gonna copy paste because I don’t think I can summarize it better:
The word “neurotypical” is an informal term used to describe a person whose brain functions are considered usual or expected by society. This term is often applied to people who do not have a developmental disorder like autism, differentiating them from those who do. It is neither a mental disorder nor even an official diagnostic term.
“I’m not NT”
Not with that attitude! For real though, nothing in this existence is black and white. Labels are for cans, not people.
I chose the word NT because I think it’s the least divisible label.
I don’t choose or want to be neurodivergent, I’m reminded by NTs that I’m not normal in everyday life through social games and hints that I don’t understand.
I wouldn’t want to be called NT or non-NT. I definitely wouldn’t want someone applying an opposing label to me just because they perceive I’m different than a label they identify with. Everyone is unique in their own way. You can just call me human.
I wish you the best, friend.
That’s okay. Same to you.
Correct, DSM has pushed this notion that correlation and diagnosis of symptoms are well understood when under the DSM they are more loose associations of symptoms that say nothing of cause. You wouldn’t group and heart attack and a broken rib as the same illness just because they both have the same symptom of chest pain. This isn’t to deny the real symptoms people have though.
I don’t know about this DSM, I just don’t like labels. Especially “normal”, that one sounds really lame.
that one sounds really lame.
hmmm
This is something that idk if I’ll ever get used to about lemmy
It’s a meme. It’s a joke. It’s deliberately blown out of proportion.
Y’all need to calm tf down.
so… instead of discussing this… we should what? Post lol in all our coments?
lol
lol
No but the amount of people practically shitting themselves over someone’s social anxiety about phone calls is a little overdramatic.
Gee, it sounds like you have no idea what it’s like to have a panic attack or anxiety attack.
Hint: the phone call is not the problem.
not sure what you’re talking about. My phone anxiety was always based around the phone and making phone calls.
That’s the symptom.
so?
Who are you arguing for here?
me and other people like me who are often misunderstood when having a panic attack.
I’m literally making that same argument.
People are freaking out because other people have social anxiety and don’t like phone calls and it’s pathetic
No… we are not on the same page. It is not “pathetic” to have phone anxiety.
Lol this is the way /s
I think it’s this thing?
🗿
Lol i kinda enjoy the weirdly serious discussions about shitposts. Its both absurd and oddly insightful at times.
Lemmys will follow any topic over the edge of a cliff :P
Pun intended
Always lol
In my direct experience (albeit anecdotal) this is not simply a joke, but reality. So many of my colleagues have this fear, especially the younger ones, and with everyone demanding full remote it fucks my shit up real bad when they won’t even answer the damn phone.
Are zoomers really like this?
I’m 40. I don’t even answer the phone if it rings. If it’s important they can leave a message.
Which I’ll check in a few days. If it’s important, and they are pinned underneath a vehicle about to die, they can send a voice memo.
Sorry if I don’t think minor topics are worthy of the immediate attention needed for a phone call?
Phone calls are reserved for emergencies. Otherwise you’re just demanding the instant attention of someone for nothing.
Not demanding, asking. Declining a call is always an option.
I like to compare calling to someone knocking on your door incessantly for several seconds.
You can ignore it or decline to answer. It’s still annoying af.
So why call in the first place? And how will I ever know what the call was about? Unless you text, of course, so why not just do that in the first place?
You may not intent for it to be a demand, but unless you have your phone on silent, it will keep ringing and making noise until you do something about it. It demands an action, and tries to get your attention as much as possible.
Which is why it’s designated to emergencies. This makes calling more useful as well, because now you know calls are more important, and can actually treat them with more urgency. Otherwise you’re just gonna end up ignoring what may be an actual emergency, because you treat every phone call the same.
Gen X here, only had a smartphone 5 years as before I was avoiding it. Typing is painful. Just answer the phone and we’ll get that query sorted in less time than I would take to type the initial question. Don’t be a big baby about it.
Millennial here and totally agree. There are times I don’t feel like talking and I simply don’t answer. How hard is it to answer normally though? If it’s not during work hours… If I’m busy I just call back. No idea why this is a weird awkward thing for so many
Did you know, as with most things, typing on a phone is a skill that improves with use. Get with the times, don’t be a big baby about it
Why is humanity like this? Can we just agree that different people like to do different things?
Fair, I got a little triggered lol
Did you know that brain plasticity decreases with age? It means learning new skills becomes progressively harder and harder and harder.
You specifically chose not to use smart phones until 5 years ago by your own admission, and are actively refusing to attempt to learn the new skill, get out of here with your brain plasticity argument. You’re doing this to yourself and ridiculing others
If it was not important enough to type it out, you can tell me next time we meet. I’ll stop answering your call after the second nonsense call you make.
Such a sense of entitlement. You’re not royalty.
Nor are you entitled to anyone else’s time or attention.
Your loss, I was phoning you to offer you something that would make your life better or more entertaining.
I hate typing too but having to answer a phone call triggers PTSD. NOPE.
If it’s genuine PTSD then you have my every sympathy and I hope that you can get some peace from it.
Nobody I’m calling have anything worse than lazyitis.
That’s a microaggression!
You triggered half of Lemmy users.
r/conservative might be a safe space where you feel more comfortable. Where feelings don’t matter and racism is acceptable, as long as it’s not anti-white. Seems you’re tRiGgErED bY wOkEnEsS
You have a psychological problem. You in therapy I hope?
Can you elaborate on why you think this is a psychological problem?
I could but I honestly don’t want to, it would take time and be a long post. If you really are in therapy you can talk with your therapist about the issue. But so I won’t let you go empty handed the simplest point: it’s a phone, it’s there to primarily make calls. Yes, in the last decade it finally got access to the internet; something I wished for for at least 20 years, but nevertheless, it’s a phone. It exists to make phone calls. If that’s really a big problem for you it’s not the phones problem, it’s not the caller’s problem, it’s your problem.
lol exactly why my phone is on silent
When you decline a call you don’t know what it’s about. The only thing I can think of when I family member calls and I decline a call is that they needed desperate help/were in an emergency and I just hung up on them.
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Except the problem is I don’t know what the call is about so you’re asking me to make a except/declined decision with no information.
If you send a text message I have the information.
You don’t know what text is about without opening it eather. Precognition is not a common trait.
I respectfully disagree.
Best kind of disagreement!
And yet I can look at it on my own time when I’m not busy with other things
Notifications have a preview of the message tho.
I have received many scary cryptic texts which the phone calls version would’ve involved, at worst, 5 seconds of confusion. With the cryptic texts I often have to wait hours to understand. The problem with texting is that people use it even when it’s wildly inappropriate to and they don’t seem to understand that.
Fully agree.
But then you are already reading it, and getting partial informarion at that. Worst of both worlds.
The horror. Just let it ring.
Your time really is not that valuable. No one’s is.
Phone calls aren’t reserved for anything. They’re just phone calls. I’m a huge introvert but it’s like in one particular way millions of people decided to try and be the most annoying introvert possible
I don’t think all zoomers are, but a LOT of the people I know are TERRIFIED of phone calls. I was like that too, before I started applying for jobs and had to make like 3 calls a week.
Yeah, I’m a millennial and use to have terrible phone anxiety. It prevented me from being able to get a job for a long time. I would always try to go in person instead because it was less anxiety inducing but never got a job that way.
Gen-x’r here who doesn’t even have the phone app on my home screen.
Fuck phone calls!
That’s about outgoing calls. Incoming calls still will be fullscreen pop-ups
Depends on the status of the phone when the call arrives.
One thing I enjoy about the Pixel phone experience is the call screening feature. Having a transcript of the callers reason for calling has been a great bonus!
It’s more of a Millenial thing. I’m 35 and I don’t pick up the phone ever unless it’s an emergency or a job interview.
I’m 36 and if you want to call me, then fine? Who cares? I don’t get why it’s such a big deal.
It absolutely is not a big deal, this thread is bonkers
Because people suck, and they tend to be more rude on the phone. I don’t want to deal with it.
Not to mention that the only time my phone rings, it’s almost always a scam. I prefer not to engage with bullshitters.
If it’s important, then text me.
How do you know it’s an emergency if you don’t pick up the phone
I don’t if you won’t text me. So it’s on you.
Furthermore, in a real emergency, people tend to blow up your phone. So if someone is calling multiple times, of course I’ll answer, if nothing more than to yell at them for blowing up my phone.
Also almost 40. Fuck synchronous communications. Inferior in every possible way.
How can you even say that? If that’s how you live, no doubt this philosophy causes you issues at least once a week. You’d rather know that [insert major life event] happened…later… and instead of finding out immediately and confirming it/responding to it, you can try to call them later only for it now to be a hassle because they’re not answering, and the only email you have goes to some dumbass ai bot. Yeah so much more convenient than picking up a phone on occasion, when it’s important
Or the exact same thing happens and you can’t even get a response to them because you’re relying on a synchronous mode of communication which requires both parties to be engaged at the same time …
Or you could just send them a message and they’ll see it when they look.
Try texting your 80 year old landlord… being a little flexible isn’t the chore some of you insist
If he wants his rent money he’ll figure it out
???
Why would she react like that to a phonecall?
Young people don’t call unless it’s serious business.
Why she reacted like that while also knowing her dad still calls people? No idea
Not just young people. I’ve seen this kind of behavior in surprisingly old people such as Gen X and even Baby Boomers, but I’ve seen it in a LOT of millennials, the youngest of whom are now in their early thirties and the oldest are in their forties.
Not just young people. I am 48, and if I get a call from my mom I would’ve thought something happened to my dad.
Yep. Basically any generation that grew up with texting and chat kinda leans this way… so millennials and younger. But also some gen x.
Phone calls are for things that can’t wait and need the other person to drop what they’re doing, and things urgent like that tend to be medical or work stuff. Or things time sensitive in another way.
Demanding the other person stop what they’re doing to attend to you immediately is considered kinda rude for minor topics when such an easy and less pushy alternative is available.
That’s funny, because my mom loses her shit if I don’t respond to her text message within 15 minutes. Then she rants on how her family abandoned her and she may as well be dead.
Every damn time.
She doesn’t call anymore though.
Yep same. I text and Snapchat with my mom daily. If she calls, shit went down.
That’s funny because my mom just asked me when she can call me this morning and I’m going oh fucking he’ll I just started my vacation this better be something fucking stupid like if I can order her a grout cleaner. We usually texts. She knows I don’t answer calls and if it’s really important she can call twice. My job has been on the phone since I was in college so the last thing I want to do is talk on the phone.
And, was it just a grout cleaner?
Lmao this thread is so weird to read. My parents call me all the time to ask how I am. I also call them. And my friend from time to time and he calls me. Samesies for my fiancée. Normal stuff.
I’m not young and I prefer a text over very unnecessary long and drawn out phone calls.
Hmm, I wonder if it could a cultural thing?
I’m a millennial in Sweden and I have not experienced this phenomenon unless the person suffers social anxiety, though I must admit I have little contact with people under 25.
To me a call is convenient when I’m biking or working with my hands, and I can’t tell you how many times a simple phonecall spared me endless back and forth over text or e-mail.
Maybe I’m desensitized since I constantly receive and make calls at work.
Because phonecalls are reserved for when you immediately with no delay need someone.
Asking about a show is not one of those cases.
Or just want to talk to someone? Why are we simultaneously normalizing anti-social behavior and wondering why the young people are so unhappy?
Why not text ‘wanna talk sometime’? A call demands an immediate response, so reserve it for things that demand immediate responses.
No it doesn’t. Just don’t pick up the phone. If it’s important they’ll text you to pick up the phone. There’s a reason the terms “phone tag” and “screening calls” exist.
But you don’t know the relative importance of what they’re telling vs what you’re doing. A text gives more information than just seeing your receiving a call.
That’s why people leave voicemails… you leave a verbal note of why you’re calling. And if the receiver prefers to read a text about it, several services transcribe voicemails automatically good enough to get the general gist. Or they can listen to them.
The point is that people usually don’t set out to ruin your day or misbehave, and you cannot control other people’s experience, expectations and preferences, only your own. So it’s on you to know yourself well enough to manage your boundaries appropriately with technology/tools, and possibly communication, and not to blame other people for “missteps”. When what they are doing is likely perfectly within the realm of reason to them.
Especially if they have a disability and calls are easier for them. If you have the disability, you can communicate your preferences but don’t expect people to know immediately. Set up your tech accordingly to communicate your needs. And acclimate where you can.
If things “escalate”… well… it’s likely your fault. We always need to look at our part first.
Nothing good ever came out of a voicemail I received. Disabled and wont enable again. Text me if it’s important enough for me to call back with a brief topic. I don’t call back if I don’t get a text, that’s reserved for maybe 5 people on earth.
And if the receiver prefers to read a text about it, several services transcribe voicemails automatically good enough to get the general gist.
I use these. But they’re less direct and easier to misunderstand than if it was native text. If someone wants to say it, they can voice type as well.
I don’t even get how voicemail works, last time I checked there was like 6 “unread” voicemails from months ago I never knew I’d gotten and it was just my mom saying “please call me back” or some inaudible noise and figuring out how to delete them is a pain too.
Damn dude, it’s not that big a deal. Just don’t pick up the phone. If it’s important they’ll find a way to let you know.
if you don’t pick up they’ll get mad and say you never pick up your phone
I don’t mind much. I just don’t call because it wastes people’s time. But I don’t want to let it go to voice mail because then it wastes their time.
You will feel terrible if you don’t pick up the phone and it turns out to be something important, like being able to hear the last words of your grandma or something.
Texting is a lot less of a big deal than a phone call is.
I’m sorry, what’s “phone tag” and “screening calls”? Never heard of any of that.
Haha phone tag is what we used to do before text messages. Call each other over and over and you’re never both available 😂
Thanks for waking me up from the one nap I’ve gotten this year.
Or, you know, you could just talk to a person on the phone.
But it they are in the middle of something they could lose half a minute of time instead of 5 seconds checking a text. It’s the same as opening a phone call with ‘got time to talk’ but more efficient.
Oh no, 30 whole seconds.
Phone calls are never thirty seconds. It’s always fluffed up by twenty minutes of “how are you” and “what are your plans next week” like fam I’m trying to do the dishes and had to scramble to pick up the phone with wet hands, go away
It adds up. Why waste other people’s time? I think it can be inconsiderate.
People are just sooooo busy with their SUPER IMPORTANT lives, that they definitely don’t have 5 minutes to spend unscheduled with the likes of you.
Piss off and get in the text queue like everyone else!
Unless you know for sure that the other person is legitimately bored, sitting around not doing anything, imposing yourself on someone like this is rude.
It’s not imposing. You don’t have to answer.
You would have, if you knew how important it was.
But you can’t know that of a phone call, with a text you can.
Maybe this is just me and my circle but if someone just wants to talk I’d typically expect that more over discord or something like that rather than phone call unless they’re older.
Other than that phone call is for urgent stuff or something that’s going to have a lot of back and forth and is quicker pver phone.
Sure, my work uses discord, and I know friends that use it. But my family doesn’t. Plus, if you do sales, or job searching, or anything that involves talking to people for work who don’t directly work for your company then Discord is a little awkward. A phone or zoom call is better.
Discord, that’s a good one. That’s a gaming communication app.
You’ll be screwed in 4-5 years when it goes belly up.
No, Discord is a communication app that is mainly used for gaming.
That is like calling Whatsapp a family communication app.
So when you “just want to talk” you call someone out of the blue and just expect them to stop what they’re doing and have a little chat? I had a friend like that and I hated it because they always called at the worst moments so I wouldn’t pick up and then they assumed I disliked them and played the victim by a mutual friend. That’s when I actually started disliking them. So don’t randomly call people please thank you.
Also texting someone instead of talking isn’t antisocial behaviour. You can say as much in a text as you can say in a call and the other person can reply to your text and continue doing what they’re doing at the same time.
You absolutely cannot say in a text what you can in a call
You can multitask while texting, true, but that is antisocial. Social, is having a conversation.
Only when you are illiterate can you not say in a text what you can in a call.
If you think that’s true then you are self roasting your own conversationalism.
how is that antisocial?
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This is the first time in my life when I encountered an opinion that calling someone is somehow rude and reserved for emergencies. In my social circle and family people just call when they want to talk. Sure, we text often too, but calling is completely normal. And if you can’t or don’t want to talk, you just don’t pick up the phone.
I’m genuinely baffled.
In our family it looks exactly like this, that’s why I found it very funny :)
We usually just chat (or videochat) and when f.e. dad randomly calls me then it’s some serious business. And for that brief moment my mind jumps to most catastrophic scenarios why he could be calling me. And I think it goes both ways because when I call dad the first question usually is “Hi, did something happen?”
I react this way when my mom calls because she never calls me and the one time she did, it was because my grandmother died.
For real, the last 2 times my mom called me was to tell me my dad had a heart attack and that my nephew died, so I 100% expect something like that if she calls me.
I can see why you’d fear phone calls then. In my family I get a call from my dad about once a week to ask about my day. Usually the family texts more in the mornings, and more phone calls in the evening. Plus for a while I had to pick up the phone anytime someone called for work reasons. You just get used to it after a while.
Crippling socal anxiety
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because why would you call someone if not for something very urgent?
I call people just to have a chat and a catch up.
This is what it feels to struggle with anxiety :(
not one of us, not one of us, not one of us, not…
Probably a normal thing in the US, where families are so broken by default a simple call from a parent sounds like a disaster.
No, it is not normal thing in the US.
Broken? What are you talking about? My dad started leaving me home alone for weeks at a time at age 12. By age 16 it was months at a time, and my house became the place where other kids came to hang out. I graduated college, or University. Then became a heroin addict. My family stopped talking to me because of this thing called “tough love”. Now, I’m all better and have my own family with kids and a partner, but my dad and sister wonder why I won’t let them be a part of it (my mom died when I was 8).
You know regular all American family. Nothing weird, or dysfunctional here. Definitely not broken.
Why so hostile?
I like trolling
Yes, feed my blocklist. It grows corpulent with your bloated corpses.
Why use a communication mode that demands an immediate response if you don’t actually need one?
Same reason people at home just come up to each other and start talking (which actually requires immediate response) even when the topic is non-urgent whatsoever, instead of leaving notes around the house.
It’s all based on differing conventions among people, so saying a call “demands immediate response” is putting your convention above others as the only true one.
In my family the convention is a bit different. A single call does not signal any urgency and so no one is expected nor obliged to answer if they don’t feel like it. A second call after the first one wasn’t answered implies importance. Third and more calls imply urgency and then emergency. If something is important or urgent and calls aren’t getting answered, a message is sent.
I like my convention. I also have slightly different conventions with some friends. I am also aware different people may have different conventions and I don’t hold mine to be superior or theirs inferior.
I agree your convention would supercede the one I’m taking about. I kinda like it too.
I think conversation is different though since there is a major effort imbalance between writing a note and taking. But there is no effort imbalance in texting or calling, especially since you can voice type.
I see the confusion. I don’t ever want to have a conversation with anyone.
Because sometimes it’s easier. Sometimes you just want to hear your kid’s voice. The horror.
Text ‘can we call? I’d love to talk sometime!’
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This image isn’t even referring to young people with phone anxiety, it’s about how you are conditioned to think an unexpected call from family is bad news.
I honestly want to both upvote and downvote this comment.
Just call blergh on the phone, no need to upvote or downvote
I’m in my mid 40’s, late Gen X and I absolutely despise any phone calls I don’t decide to make myself, and out of respect for others who might feel like I do, I will try most other avenues of communication before resorting to a phone call.
I didn’t use to mind them at all back in the land line days, but as soon as everyone started getting cell phones there was this undercurrent of expectation that every moment of YOUR time actually belongs to someone else…because you’re AVAILABLE ANYWHERE NOW.
It started slow, but it didn’t get really bad until about 2007.
It got to the point where people would get your voicemail, hang up, and redial over and over until I answered. I saw it happening more and more frequently to myself and many others, from all walks of caller.
I finally started cutting people like that out of my life a few years ago because in the intervening decade and a half it hasn’t really gotten much better, except among the younger folks who just hate phone calls.
It’s almost like Self + Possibility of Instant Gratification = Utter Fuckwad much of the time.
It’s not about respect or anything, because fuck entitlement, but if it’s really not so ridiculously utterly important that I should be stopping mid-poop and doing something about it, LEAVE A MESSAGE. USE TEXT. USE E-MAIL, USE MESSENGER, USE ANYTHING ASYNCHRONOUS.
Too many people’s priority is themselves and only themselves to the outright blatant detriment of others.
It’s ridiculous, and I blame cell phones, social media, and large swaths of marketing and advertising firms for the cultural paradigm shift.
The drain on a person’s emotional and mental resources when they feel a social responsibility to their relationships with their friends and loved ones but are always forced to do things on everyone else’s “me first” terms is the exact same sort of phenomenon that causes workplace burnout when jobs do it with things like not setting up a good work/life balance and not being proactive/planning in regards to workplace tasks/projects/deadlines. (Agile is a major offender here, as is scrum, and every management book from traction to…hell, pick any one of them, everything I’ve been forced to read is borderling toxic when applied.)
Therapy’s great and all and I’m 100% in favor of it (for everyone, really), but when noone is respecting boundaries, there’s not a whole hell of a lot it’s going to do in this particular regard.
Hell, I know a lot of people whose boundary is “no phone calls unless (list of super serious things like someone died) or we text first and agree on a phone call” and when someone potentially has that boundary and then panicks when they get a phone call outside of it, the solution might be a little more advanced than “seek help”. It sucks, (and there’s plenty of room for nuance) but I feel the change in culture is far more at fault here than anything else.
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Tldr, but did you know that people (including you) can simply opt not to answer? That’s possible. If someone is a problem caller talk to them. You’re WAY overcomplicating this. Getting a phone call isn’t dramatic. Answer it or don’t.
Seriously, I read the first bit and just thought - if people didn’t want to accept calls they’ll just ignore it or put the phone on silent. Don’t overthink basic social interaction!
Cold calls are rude. My 76 year old mom will not cold call because she understands convention.
Hardline phones had no way to ensure the timing of a call was considerate. Tech has moved on, and coordination is trivially easy. It is, in my opinion, rude to call or a sign of significant import.
If my mom calls without texting, it’s an accident or imprtant/urgent.
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You are a data point. However, I can probably guarantee you that people do not appreciate your approach to calls. If you’re in the US, at least.
Given your grumpy retort to my anecdote about my preference, I’m going to wonder about your warmth.
This comic strip is flawed… nobody who would react that way to a phone call would have their phone out of silent mode.
The like 5 times I’ve heard my phone in a decade were all on accident.
I was a shift manager at a casino. After that job ended, I’ve never had my phone off silent and I won’t talk on it unless it’s 200% necessary…I just perpetually and always have bad service…don’t ask about the faraday cage in my workshop, it came like that when I built it.
I think this is a skill issue
So many people (myself included) text as the default method of phone communication.
In some cases it’s more practical as you can keep multitasking. Especially for work I like when people send me emails or chat messages instead of holding meetings or barging into office, even worse video calls.
Even better, it’s asynchronous. I don’t have to answer right now, I can finish my current thought in my time and respond once I’m ready. That’s why I absolutely hate it if someone just calls me without writing first - it takes me so much longer to get back into things when I can’t close the thought properly.
Yes. I keep telling this to my business partners. They love to call to tell me what needs doing and I keep telling them, I can’t work while I talk to you. Send a message and it gets done in parallel.
To me it feels texting takes longer. Call someone up and it’s done in less than a minute. Why write some long ass message?
Most folks don’t even bother writing back… Message seen? Best forget about it.
Edit: typo
Kinda depends, doesn’t it?
Do they need to find the information you need or is it something they can answer off the top of their head?
Does the phone call include formalities or is it just “Hey I need X” “Here’s X” “thanks, see ya!”
Is this person likely to broach other topics or answer you and move on?
Each method has its strengths depending on the question
For me, it’s about evidence and accountability.
This so much. Text/email/slack leaves a permanent, searchable record. Synchronous communication is complete garbage and there are very few scenarios where it should be tolerated, much less encouraged.
Honestly, I’m at the point where if someone insists on calling, I assume they are up to something and are intentionally trying to not go “on the record”
But… Call recording exists
Not on iPhones*.
Iphones are not:
- General-purpose comuters
- Phone
- Device owned by you instead of corporation
- Well-designed
An iPhone is not a phone and not well designed? Apple put the most thought into every detail and generally works generally well. It’s very much well designed because it does exactly what the designers want it to do. Yes it doesn’t mean it’s an ethical device or tinker- or repair-friendly. But “not well designed” just doesn’t float.
Apple put the most thought into every detail
It’s very much well designed because it does exactly what the designers want it to do.
You got me. You are entirely correct. They design well exactly because they wanted to design easily breakable(1m of free fall on carpet can break it) and unmaintainable phone.
Sometimes you don’t want that :)
If someone doesn’t write back it must not have been that important. I’m pretty much never just going to drop what I’m doing and answer the phone to have a conversation about an unknown topic which will take an unknown amount of time.
sounds like you’re getting ghosted for a reason.
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I really want to add “if you don’t leave a voicemail with a description of what you’re calling about I’m not calling you back” to my work phone.
I already don’t call back if they don’t leave a message. If it’s not important enough to them to leave a 10 second message it’s not important enough to me to call them back.
Or when they send an email or teams message saying to call them but not giving a subject, then they ask for some information that I could have already had if I’d known what we were doing.
Or when they send an email or teams message saying to call them but not giving a subject
It’s when they just put “Hi” and nothing else that gets me.
“No”
Or the opposite at work for me: I call my 24yo Gen Z staff and it goes to voicemail. Then two seconds later get a ping on Teams from them saying hey you called? I’m like yes motherfucker I CALLED you so you should CALL me back. I want a five minute chat to hash it out and get on the same page so I know you understand the task. I do NOT want to text back and forth for twenty minutes only for you to fuck it up because of a texting misunderstanding.
I suppose it is logical that a generation that grew up texting with their noses buried in smart phones would develop this way. Plus Covid further stunting social development. But goddamn it’s annoying and not funny at all.
That’s when you have a mandatory teams meeting with the staff telling them they better fucking answer the phone, or it’s their job. But in a nice way.
God I wish. I was told point blank on day one that I need to consider all of my staff a flight risk. Lay down the law like that and they’ll flee. It’s a generational thing and all my colleagues in other firms say the say thing. Big problem.
Yeah. The younger generation just doesn’t understand that the system was designed specifically to keep them in check and give them as few options as possible so they have to do whatever asked or risk ending up on the street. The audacity of them standing up for themselves and refusing to put up with professional mistreatment and be willing to walk. I can’t believe they figured out that we actually need them to operate and they have more power than we’ve led them to believe.
So professional mistreatment = answering a phone call from your manager giving you a new project or giving feedback on your work?
Wtf do I even pay you for? Do you just watch YouTube all day long instead of work?
The irony of you talking about empowerment in a thread about someone with crippling anxiety over a friggin phone call 🤦♂️
Professional mistreatment? Keeping you in check?? GTFO you gotta be kidding me. It’s a phone call for F’s sake. You’re unhinged.
What in the world makes you think you have any power or value in a professional setting if you literally can’t even have a five minute phone call to run through and explain your work.
I mean, I’m just responding to your comment where you described the employees having the power in your professional setting. People with more information than you have are telling you to treat your employees as a flight risk and not do anything to lose them. That implies they don’t want them leaving more than they want to twist the boot they have on their necks.
On a personal note, you sound like a piece of shit. Your reply makes it clear you do see your employees as less than you and want them to just get in line and do what they’re told rather than advocate for themselves.
I’m in management at some generic office job. I advocate for my employees. I’ve done their job and I know it sucks. Now that I’ve moved up and have more information, their job still sucks and I still see them as people who are just trying to make enough money to live, like we all are. I also make sure to remind them on a regular business not to trust any company and always make decisions that are best for themselves. If I was CEO I would be telling them that.
I suggest you rethink your view on your own employees. Maybe remember that they are people with lives beyond trying to make their boss a little more money. They shouldn’t care and neither should you. If you see your employees as just tools to use for the company, your boss thinks the same thing about you. You should be on their side. You have the same enemy.
That’s funny. I’m currently on vacation now with a former staff turned friend. (He thinks I’m a moron for engaging with internet trolls and I agree.)
I can name six other staff I’ve worked with over the years at various firms who I’m still in touch with. They reach out for career advice, technical questions, and just in general to say I’m literally the only manager they’ve worked with who actually spent time teaching instead of dumping a shitload of work in their lap and then disappearing.
I love telling staff they’ll be teaching me stuff before they know it and they never believe me. The proudest moments of my professional life are when they explain something new to me and i go aha! There it is!
So I’m confident you’re wrong about the piece of shit argument.
One guy in this very thread told me to fuck off because I miss learning from colleagues. Fuck me, right? These are the people I’m talking about, and right now you’re not making a good case for yourself not being one of them.
This really isn’t a difficult concept. This thread is full of people who are literally terrified of a friggin phone call. I don’t know what fields they’re in where they can just be cave trolls who don’t answer the phone, much less shower and wear a damn polo with webcam on, but it sure isn’t mine. (I can only assume IT of some sort which would explain a lot about the level of people skills and civility in this thread, or lack thereof.)
Ps:
they shouldn’t care and neither should you
I care about the quality of my work and my career. Guess I’ll go fuck myself then.
I have to call people for work to let them know when I’ll arrive to provide the service. 3/4 of the time nobody answers, of those half either don’t have vm setup or it is full and won’t take an messages. The only people who do pick up are the elderly.
Man, I’d kill to receive a phone call from my family. Or a text. Or an email. Or a letter.
