I found a kickass stick 4 years ago in the Smokies the weekend my wife and I got married. It’s literally the perfect stick. Straight, smooth, nice thickness, durable as hell. Must be of a rare hardwood variety, I would imagine. I still have that stick in the corner and I see it everyday when I’m sitting at my PC. Have I ever used it for anything? I wouldn’t dare. It’s too nice of a stick to just use on a whim. Why do I keep it around? Well, if I ever had a problem that required a really nice fuckin stick, I’m covered. Every year or so, my wife says to me, “JPSound, you still have that stick?! Why do you keep that thing around?” I look that woman dead in the eyes and say, “there will come a day, my bride, when the creator of all shall lay before us an obstacle, nay, a challenge that only a mighty stick of such grandeur may aid us in such a lofty trial. And this stick, my dearest, this stick awaits our call to guide us into the sunkissed valley of victory so sweet. Only then shall you see what I see. Know what I know now, that this mear stick, is far more than it seems. Then you will know, I am the mighty protector of this home and family. You will see, my love. You will see.” Then she usually just rolls her eyes and says, “whatever… I gotta run to the grocery store. Do you need anything special?” And I respond with a mighty boom, “yeah, that fancy chocolate milk I like, please.”
I found a kickass stick 4 years ago in the Smokies the weekend my wife and I got married. It’s literally the perfect stick. Straight, smooth, nice thickness, durable as hell. Must be of a rare hardwood variety, I would imagine. I still have that stick in the corner and I see it everyday when I’m sitting at my PC. Have I ever used it for anything? I wouldn’t dare. It’s too nice of a stick to just use on a whim. Why do I keep it around? Well, if I ever had a problem that required a really nice fuckin stick, I’m covered. Every year or so, my wife says to me, “JPSound, you still have that stick?! Why do you keep that thing around?” I look that woman dead in the eyes and say, “there will come a day, my bride, when the creator of all shall lay before us an obstacle, nay, a challenge that only a mighty stick of such grandeur may aid us in such a lofty trial. And this stick, my dearest, this stick awaits our call to guide us into the sunkissed valley of victory so sweet. Only then shall you see what I see. Know what I know now, that this mear stick, is far more than it seems. Then you will know, I am the mighty protector of this home and family. You will see, my love. You will see.” Then she usually just rolls her eyes and says, “whatever… I gotta run to the grocery store. Do you need anything special?” And I respond with a mighty boom, “yeah, that fancy chocolate milk I like, please.”
I may never get another chance to share this with the world, so may I present to you…
Dude that may be the most perfect stick I’ve ever seen.
That IS a really good stick
That stick did not dissapoint
That’s a pretty fantastic stick.
I read your whole comment and I was skeptical. But you’re totally right about everything.
Missed opportunity! It was Fanta”stick”
groan
roll eyes
This is a one bitching stick.
Shit, that’s a nice stick.
That’s a nice fuckin stick
Amazing!
I have to admit, I thought you were exaggerating. But that’s a damn fine stick.
That’s a fantastic stick. Don’t throw it away.
That is a quality fuckin stick my man.
Would that I had such a perfect stick… I can’t blame you for not using it. Just don’t let the dust collect on it!
I’ve never worked with wood, but I imagine a layer of mineral oil could keep it looking great.
Damn. That’s a helluva stick. You better treasure that
That is one helluva nice stick.
It has a 1.5x buff for dark damage! Rare drop
1d6+2 bludgeoning damage 1d6 earth damage +2 charisma
Nice stick bro. Excellent length, nice girth.
You undersold it!
Damn dude nice stick
nice stick my man
Nice stick bro
That’s a nice fuckin stick right there, king
That’s a really nice stick!
Nice stick!
wow this really is the perfect stick
Holy hell what a nice stick!
Nice.
Gandalf’s stick is jealous of this.
Thanks for the stick pic!
You should make a glass case for it with a decal “Break Glass In Case Of Emergency”
Wow! That’s fantastick!
Really good stick just the perfect thickness nice slight bend too the plant which came from nailed it … Must be glorified
Bruh that stick is dope. Keep it safe, the fate of the world may depend upon it.
Fantastick !
That is a nice stick.
Damn, nice stick!
May I add my compliments and salutations to the already extensive list? Extensive as the beauty represented by that stick, of course
Top tier stick my dude
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Stick!
Memories of the wedding that weekend? Spotty at best.
Memories of finding that stick? Near photographic.
And the stick was FREE, like all the best things in life.
I want the money. It’s what I want.
Are you Nick Offerman? Because this sounds very much like his writing style.
Also, it’s spelled “mere”, not “mear”.
You’re lucky – whenever you can’t remember the date of your anniversary, just look up the date you got married
Man this is great. I need to upgrade from the Home Depot Sticks of Justice we keep around the house, just in case.