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I found a kickass stick 4 years ago in the Smokies the weekend my wife and I got married. It’s literally the perfect stick. Straight, smooth, nice thickness, durable as hell. Must be of a rare hardwood variety, I would imagine. I still have that stick in the corner and I see it everyday when I’m sitting at my PC. Have I ever used it for anything? I wouldn’t dare. It’s too nice of a stick to just use on a whim. Why do I keep it around? Well, if I ever had a problem that required a really nice fuckin stick, I’m covered. Every year or so, my wife says to me, “JPSound, you still have that stick?! Why do you keep that thing around?” I look that woman dead in the eyes and say, “there will come a day, my bride, when the creator of all shall lay before us an obstacle, nay, a challenge that only a mighty stick of such grandeur may aid us in such a lofty trial. And this stick, my dearest, this stick awaits our call to guide us into the sunkissed valley of victory so sweet. Only then shall you see what I see. Know what I know now, that this mear stick, is far more than it seems. Then you will know, I am the mighty protector of this home and family. You will see, my love. You will see.” Then she usually just rolls her eyes and says, “whatever… I gotta run to the grocery store. Do you need anything special?” And I respond with a mighty boom, “yeah, that fancy chocolate milk I like, please.”
I may never get another chance to share this with the world, so may I present to you…
Dude that may be the most perfect stick I’ve ever seen.
That IS a really good stick
That stick did not dissapoint
That’s a pretty fantastic stick.
I read your whole comment and I was skeptical. But you’re totally right about everything.
Missed opportunity! It was Fanta”stick”
groan
roll eyes
This is a one bitching stick.
Shit, that’s a nice stick.
Amazing!
That’s a nice fuckin stick
I have to admit, I thought you were exaggerating. But that’s a damn fine stick.
That’s a fantastic stick. Don’t throw it away.
That is a quality fuckin stick my man.
Would that I had such a perfect stick… I can’t blame you for not using it. Just don’t let the dust collect on it!
I’ve never worked with wood, but I imagine a layer of mineral oil could keep it looking great.
Damn. That’s a helluva stick. You better treasure that
That is one helluva nice stick.
It has a 1.5x buff for dark damage! Rare drop
1d6+2 bludgeoning damage 1d6 earth damage +2 charisma
You undersold it!
Nice stick bro. Excellent length, nice girth.
Damn dude nice stick
nice stick my man
Nice stick bro
That’s a nice fuckin stick right there, king
That’s a really nice stick!
wow this really is the perfect stick
Holy hell what a nice stick!
Nice stick!
Gandalf’s stick is jealous of this.
Nice.
Thanks for the stick pic!
Wow! That’s fantastick!
You should make a glass case for it with a decal “Break Glass In Case Of Emergency”
Really good stick just the perfect thickness nice slight bend too the plant which came from nailed it … Must be glorified
Bruh that stick is dope. Keep it safe, the fate of the world may depend upon it.
Fantastick !
That is a nice stick.
Damn, nice stick!
May I add my compliments and salutations to the already extensive list? Extensive as the beauty represented by that stick, of course
Top tier stick my dude
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Stick!
Memories of the wedding that weekend? Spotty at best.
Memories of finding that stick? Near photographic.
And the stick was FREE, like all the best things in life.
I want the money. It’s what I want.
Are you Nick Offerman? Because this sounds very much like his writing style.
Also, it’s spelled “mere”, not “mear”.
You’re lucky – whenever you can’t remember the date of your anniversary, just look up the date you got married
Man this is great. I need to upgrade from the Home Depot Sticks of Justice we keep around the house, just in case.
I found a good stick once. Damn, that was a nice stick.
I used a perfect stick once. I was backpacking in the high Sierra’s and found the perfect walking stick. I carried it the entire trip, used it to poke at fires, kept my balance with it over difficult terrain, and imagined it would be a formidable weapon should we encounter a bear. When we finished the trip I decided to bestow my perfect stick upon the next fortuitous hiker to pass the trailhead. I carved my name and the date into the middle of the stick and left it leaning against the trailhead. I have thought about that stick many times since that trip. I was a fool to leave it there. Never again have I found such a perfect stick. After many disappointing treks into the wilderness I finally gave up seeking that stick’s equal and instead purchased trekking poles. Wherever you are stick, I miss you.
You bestowing it in the next lucky hiker was an act of love…
Shut up, I’m not crying, you are …
Goodbye, weighted companion stick. :(
Dude.
No, lots of girls and women like sticks too. This lady is just a weirdo for not liking them.
Sticks are for all
#TeamStick
Maybe she’s a pebble or plant person? I think it’s like being a cat person, dog person or pet person. Some people like sticks, some people like rocks, some people just like grabbing anything from nature that’s cool enough for its catagory.
But why like only one when you can like them all? I say that as a woman with both a stick and rock collection.
Leaves! Pressed in wax paper and saved in a notebook!
Horse-chestnut! What’s better than having a horse chestnut in your jackets pocket?
Is a horse chestnut the same as a conker? I feel like I haven’t seen a good conker since I was a kid!
Yes!
Of all the toys my daughter could play with, she loves swords, bats, brooms, or cool sticks found outside the best.
That’s extremely valid of her.
Especially the one in my pants
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Woman here, this is my prized stick. I found it maybe 15 years ago I think? I was camping on the Oregon coast, the absolute straightness of it stood out from a mile away. Brought it home, cut the ends off to be flat, and hand-smoothed the handle. For a long time I used it for killing spiders (it was perfect for that they never got away) but it has since retired now that I’m less scared of being poisoned and just catch/release them. One day when I’m decomposing I hope for this to be doing the same by my side.
Hot damn, that’s a fine stick
Ho shit, no lies that stick is dope.
Helluva stick you got there
nice stick
This is the best stick I’ve ever seen.
That’s a good stick
Love for sticks is hardwired deep in our brain. What’s the first thing a toddler does outside? Find a stick and swing it around. Dig with it. Hit stuff with it. Invent games with it. Build with it. Sticks are fundamental to human behavior and civilization.
Not just humans too. Most primates love playing with/using sticks.
Yes, a simple and useful tool.
Depends on the stick really.
If it was worth bringing home clearly it was a good stick
It’s a free and useful material to go along with a child’s imagination (it can be a gun, it can be a sword, it can be a teacher’s pointer, it can be a flagpole, it can be used as basis for all manner of constructions, you can use it to poke a things or make small holes, it lets you reach things which would otherwise be beyond your reach and so on…) plus its a complex enough object to be interesting in itself not just in shape but in texture, plus sticks come in lots of variations in shape and size.
Even the process of selecting the right stick for something you have in mind can be intellectually stimulating.
Or to put it in another way, sticks are a great basic elements for kids to invent and play their own games, they’re usefull for a lot of things and you can find them for free on the ground.
Imagine what you could do with that stick, so many options…
It’s the fundamental tool that Nature provides man
Picking up sticks: It’s more than just weird, it’s a survival trait
Stick battle your best buddy, spit roast a wild boar, balance while crossing a raging rapid on a slippery log, return to the past and defeat Aku, ahhh childhood memories.
Pretend it’s a sword or gun or staff or wand or microphone
It’s a starter weapon until they get a long dagger or short sword, which is the first step up on their way to earning a katana.
It’s a shovel. A hole-maker. An imaginary sword. A club. A whacky-thing with which to hit things. A thing to drag along the ground and leave marks. Drag across fences or walls to feel and hear the sound. A spear, after you’ve sharpened it in the campfire. A pointer. A poker at strange and unknown critters you find under rocks. A tool to remove spiderwebs from your path. A pry bar. So, so many things.
Truly, she has no clue what “just a stick” is.
Sticks are incredible.
A long stabby thing so you can whack em off from a distance
My wife and I are rather fond of Adam Savage’s term, “thwacker”, when it comes to “whacky things”.
It’s not just sticks though. Sometimes you find a perfect stone. Flat and round, triangular, square… Good stones.
if you’re really lucky the stone will be sparkly or transparent or somesuch, in which case not bringing it home is a crime
Apparently, so I’ve heard, it is an actual crime to bring it home. I have a very nice crime shelf.
it’s only a crime if you’re convicted
Is that true? Somehow I don’t think that’s true, lol.
obviously the legal system would disagree, but they can cry themselves to sleep if that’s what they want.
you’re not going to be recorded as having committed a crime unless you’re convicted.
Welcome to the wonderful world of suiseki! Please sign your name on our guest rock with that chisel.
Time for my collection to shine! I’m a woman though.
Nice sticks!
I like the long one on the back!
The one closer to the table looks like a upsidedown coat stand. Nice sticks
That’s exactly what I thought, that’s why I took it with me.
Will it ever be a coat stand? Who knows…
Problem is the protrusions are all angled the wrong direction. You can put hooks on them though.
It’s our ancestral birthright. The instinctive allure of a quality tool. The mightu stick. Simple yet sublime. One of the original old reliables.
Complaining about free toys provided by nature…
Industrial revolution and its consequences…
This makes me miss /r/justguysbeingdudes
Same. Some parts of Reddit were actually great. Such a shame.
That was a good one. I really miss reading people’s sci-fi stories on r/HFY. It was just fun to see what people could come up with.
/r/justguysbeingdudes
Thank you, that’s just what I needed today!
